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Thread: Too much to ask?

  1. #1
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    Too much to ask?

    My situation probably might seem petty to some but it has left me very sad. Probably a result of all the loss and comings and goings with relationships this year, something I am trying to work on next year.

    So I had a few dates with a man from work, all went well for about two of them but the next three things changed he got really flakely, not communicating, busy... you know the deal. Just to say that it wasn't a relationship, nothing happened. We didn't discuss what it was, when I raised the topic he looked uncomfortable. So I told him I didn't wish to continue as it was upsetting me, being treated so casually. I told him I need someone who shows me a bit more interest.

    I got nothing in response. Weeks go by, nothing.

    Today I texted him (I know probably shouldn't have) just a 'smoothing over text' as I work with him and will see him in January. I said I enjoyed the times, the communication wasn't all that and neither of us really seemed that keen so I wanted to put my time into other things. Again nothing.

    Is it too much to ask just for a 'thanks but bye' text, I work with the man. It seems quite rude to me.

  2. #2
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    It's not too much to ask for, but we can only control our own responses to others' behaviour.

    Let his complete silence be your confirmation that he was absolutely not the right man for you. Be professional when you see him at work, but don't engage on a personal level anymore.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, his silence is his answer. It would be best to delete and block him and if you see him at work, act polite and professional. Consider dating guys in the New Year, who do in fact want a relationship with you. Don't chase an office fling who is not interested.
    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    I told him I need someone who shows me a bit more interest.

    I got nothing in response. Weeks go by, nothing.

    Today I texted him Again nothing.

  4. #4
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    Thanks, I know he is pathetic but still shocked how much so. I was once friends with the man.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shineyboot
    Thanks, I know he is pathetic but still shocked how much so. I was once friends with the man.
    No one said this.

    I said I enjoyed the times, the communication wasn't all that and neither of us really seemed that keen so I wanted to put my time into other things.
    That's not a "smoothing over" text. You repeated your "break-up" text. I would have rolled my eyes and gotten right back to my day if I were him, too.

    You had a handful of dates over two months, IIRC. There's nothing to smooth over. Just be a professional and don't bother with the dramatic texts.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would NEVER NEVER NEVER date at work. My brother is currently caught in an abusive relationship ( abusive to him) with someone he works with who threatens his career on a weekly basis.

    Avoid that like the bubonic plague.

    Funny enough though in our current electronic society most people are pretty rude . I see it on an hourly basis .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    One of the most liberating things I've learned on my dating life was to always take silence as an answer. Silence is an answer and a closure by it self
    No need for more.

    Also something important is that though rejection sucks, we shouldn't resent people for not wanting the same as us, specially in the first stages of dating. And though I'd also like a direct "I don't think this will work, bye", I don't think it's that big of a deal if someone simply goes the silence route if there has been just some dates. It's not like it's a relationship that needs a break up conversation.

    Also like Seraphim said, avoid work flings. It turns situations that would otherwise be simple messier than they have to be.

    At this point it's probably your ego that is bruised. Go no contact and act professionally with him and you'll be fine in no time.

  9. #8
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    Are you sure you weren't trying to give him "one more chance" to choose to continue to date you?

  10. #9
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    I don't know. I thought after some time has passed he might just say something along the lines of goodbye so I can move on. I don't need it to move on, I get that.

  11. #10
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    Fed up of the one looking stupid because I like to communicate and he won't. When will I learn.

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