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Thread: My new partner went MIA on his trip.

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    If he was the sort of person who reached out daily before his trip, he would probably continue to do so during his trip especially since he went alone.

    I would call or text him just to make sure he's ok. Not every day but if I hadn't heard from him in 3 days, I would.
    I would not. It's a short term relationship, he said he needed space, and she is not his mother or wife/committed partner.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I would not. It's a short term relationship, he said he needed space, and she is not his mother or wife/committed partner.
    I agree. What makes her assume he's not "ok"? That's just an excuse to contact him to soothe her own anxiety. And after the airport behavior, it would be crystal clear to him that she's checking up, not checking in.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think this whole sim card thing is a misunderstanding, frankly, not a mystery. He got a sim card so he can use his phone when not connected to wifi—for maps, for email, whatever. He's using WhatsApp on wifi, where it works the same as always.

    OP, you're spinning yourself into a knot, creating a game he's not actually playing, which means you're destined to lose. If he didn't create a rule of space, I see nothing wrong with shooting him a note in a day or two on WhatsApp—a note that comes from a place of confidence and curiosity, even if you're secretly needing a little soothing. Something simple like, you know: "Hope you're having an amazing time."

    Or not. Whatever. Most importantly, use this time to do for yourself exactly what he's doing for himself. Have some fun. Treat yourself to a nice meal. Have a drink, admire the cute bartender. Go to a spa, get a massage. Ask for a male masseuse, or not. Something that allows you to detach, a bit.

    As someone who travels A LOT, I know my first few days anywhere are kind of a blur. Jet lag. Airports. Transfers. Cabs. Culture shock. Giving into the weird current of being somewhere unfamiliar. It puts you on a different clock than the rest of the world, which is the appeal, to say nothing of being in a completely different time zone.

    So, OP, while the past three days have beens slow going for you they've been a whirl for him. Just try to remember that—a little gut check so you can hear your gut clearly—rather than conjuring up cliched images of sex workers and massage parlors.

    Look, I get all these raised eyebrows about Thailand. But I think they're an inflamed proxy for how anyone should feel about anyone at 1.5 months—curious, excited, a touch guarded. Not guarded because they may have a secret fetish for prostitutes, but because they're still getting to know someone, still opening up, still seeing if they can feel safe and secure.

    For what it's worth, I have been all over the world by myself, including Amsterdam, Vegas, and Thailand. I've never slept with a prostitute, never gotten a "happy ending" massage, have zero interest in that.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    What did you go to Thailand for, Holly?

    My point being:

    It’s a popular tourism spot. Amsterdam has the women and the weed, but plenty of people go without partaking. I’d say the majority (especially if we’re only talking about the women)

    His vacation may be just like yours, Holly.

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  6. #25
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    Thailand does have a certain rep, but no one knows what he's doing over there, but him.

    Point is he is on vacay, and if you are not exclusive, lower expectations about him contacting you while gone, detach emotionally and pick up where you left off when he returns.

    That is all you can do, think positively!

    Things were great before he left, focus on that.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    What is his past relationship history? Is he capable of the longterm relationship I'm assuming you're seeking? I've never forgotten that I had a date with someone. With you two restarting a new relationship, I'd think a man who was really into you wouldn't forget that you two had plans. Had he ever been an airhead/forgetful when you previously dated him?

    The only thing you can do at the beginning of the relationship is have a wait-and-see attitude. Overt time, you see if he makes you a priority, makes you feel special, is faithful, kind, lacks dealbreakers, and meets all of your main needs. And then you make the decision to break up or stay, according to the what you've learned about him. Also, make sure he uses condoms to prevent STDs, until you can be assured he's faithful and you've both been tested for STDs. Nobody but him knows what he's doing on vacation. You will have to wait until he gets back to your normal daily life to get the answers you seek about if he will be a good partner to you or not. Nobody has a crystal ball to tell you those answers. Either you break up with him if you don't think it's right that he not call you more often on his vacation, or you accept this about him and move forward to see how he treats you in the long run. Always do what's best for yourself, and you will usually only do that when you have good self worth, so make sure you do. Take care.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I don't think it's abnormal to not hear from someone new-ish you are dating when they are on vacation. It wouldn't be abnormal to hear from them either, unless it was constant! ;) In this case, he told you as much that he wanted to drop off during his vacation.

    As cynical as this may sound, to my mind, if he was texting you/chatting it wouldn't change that he is going to do what he is going to do. Really all you can do is let it go, try to relax, and observe see what rolls out when he comes back.

  9. #28
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    Hmmm I actually called him. He picked the phone and we had a nice chat. He seemed a bit distant...usually he would be warmer and would say nice things ...he was friendly but distant. So I said that he seems distant...he changed immediately and started to talk about us and that we need to plan our short break get away together ...
    I think something is off
    I wish I didn't call but he said he was happy to hear from me....somehow I doubt it

  10. #29
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    He wanted space.

    You called and handed over your insecurity.

    Something may be different because now you’re bothering him.

  11. #30
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    The phone call combined with your over the top behavior right before he left could very likely be the cause of him being "distant". Then you flat out accused him of being "distant".

    Did giving in to your anxiety by calling him make anything better for you? Or worse?

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