Dating with A Mental Illness

I struggle with social anxiety and I feel as though I've ruined relationships in the past because of this mental illness. I don't like parties are being around large crowds with people who I'm not familiar with. My anxiety goes through the roof. My last relationship didn't work out because we both liked different things. He liked partying while, I didn't .I tried my best to just push through and go out with him at times and I really thought I was getting better at it, but before we broke up he mentioned how he basically didn't like inviting me and said how it felt like a burden bringing me around because I don't dance or drink or anything. I know i've held conversations before with other people while I was out with him. It was an accomplishment I was kind of proud of, but he didn't notice it. He said I don't talk and look uncomfortable. It really hurt me because I know it's something i struggle with and impacted my relationship with him. He knew what i struggled with . Anyway since we've broken up there was a new guy i work with who I thought really liked me. He would text and call often. We'd hang out sometimes but it was mostly like friendly stuff. However, when he would invite me out I would either decline and sometimes I would go and have a great time. However, I noticed his interest has sparked with someone new who seems more outgoing and a little wilder than I am. He's stopped inviting me places and it hurts when I see him posting stuff online of him with other girls. I feel really stupid and like I'm missing out on life. It's not like i'm completely not trying, i have in the past. I just find it so overwhelming when I'm around other people. The crazy thing is I love concerts. I do not act that way when I'm at a concert listening to music live that I love. Only thing is concerts are very rare where I"m at and I normally have to drive about 2 to 3 hours away to enjoy them. What should I do? I feel like my social anxiety/depression will never go away. I just want to feel normal and accepted but I feel the complete opposite. I don't have much friends either and I'm just in a constant state of loneliness and depression 24/7. I've been suicidal before in the past. My parents are the only reason why I'm still here. I love them so much, but I fear what I will do if I ever lose them, which I know will happen in the future. It scares me. I just feel like once they pass I won't have anything left worth living for.

You are perfectly normal. Not everybody is a social butterfly. Lots of us are homebodies and prefer small groups as in less than 3 ppl. So don’t stress it. You’ll find someone that enjoys the same things

How old are you? You basically wrote the story of my life. I lose people along the way sometimes, but I'm 39 now and I have a pretty nice group of close friends. I just met a decent guy who put up with my initial nerves long enough for me to joke around with him and be myself. You like music/concerts, that's great! That can make you interesting to other people who like that stuff too. Focus on what makes you worth knowing and not on your anxiety ruining it. I think it's good that you went to parties anyway and tried to have conversations, that's how you develop better social skills; by getting out of your comfort zone and trying. If you can do that, you're not that bad off. Don't let that guy make you feel like there's something wrong with you. People have suggested meds to me, but I don't like the side-effects. I just keep trying and I try to stay positive. I have hard times too but I keep going because I don't know what's in the future, it's never what you think.

Are you getting professional help for your anxiety and depression? Are you on the proper medication(s)?

Have you seen a doctor?

Are you getting professional help for your anxiety and depression? Are you on the proper medication(s)?

Ok I don't really agree with this advice. I've tried both and I think everyone can benefit from talking things out with a therapist. But medicated... what if everyone acted confident and outgoing? How absolutely boring. You can try meds; I did, but every one that wasn't supposed to cause drowsiness or sexual dysfunction, did. No one except for well-meaning strangers or one ex-boyfriend who was bad for me, suggested I should be on drugs. My psychologist said CBT and exploring why I felt the way I did, was how she felt my shyness should be treated, as opposed to drugs. Just my two cents. I think if you can go to parties and talk to people, you might not be at the level of needing meds. Again, don't let one ex bring you down.

Ok I don't really agree with this advice. I've tried both and I think everyone can benefit from talking things out with a therapist. But medicated... what if everyone acted confident and outgoing? How absolutely boring. You can try meds; I did, but every one that wasn't supposed to cause drowsiness or sexual dysfunction, did. No one except for well-meaning strangers or one ex-boyfriend who was bad for me, suggested I should be on drugs. My psychologist said CBT and exploring why I felt the way I did, was how she felt my shyness should be treated, as opposed to drugs. Just my two cents. I think if you can go to parties and talk to people, you might not be at the level of needing meds. Again, don't let one ex bring you down.

She clearly has issues, and it is not just a matter of being shy. These are her words.

What will it hurt to see a professional. Not everybody responds in the same way, and it could be helpful.

I can relate, I am very much the introvert, do not enjoy or feel comfortable in large crowds, parties, etc.

I usually find one or two friends and stick with them.

My bf now is the same way more or less, so no issues but my ex was a HUGE extrovert, so while I stuck with one or two people, he'd be flying around the room engaging with everyone!

He never pushed me to be more extroverted and any man who does, next him!

Ask him how he would like it if you pushed him to squelch his nature and be more quiet! No doubt he would not appreciate that one bit!

Since you relate and connect with music so much, why not listen to your favorite music before a date or going out in public or even while you're out and about? Your phone and a good pair of earbuds is all you need!

Allow the music to energize you, pump you up, reduce the anxiety!

It works for me I often use music to bring me out of myself, lift my spirits, reduce anxiety, calm me down.

Just a thought OP good luck!

How did you do in school, college, work, etc? Being reserved, introverted, not drinking, not being a party animal and being incompatible with someone like that are not mental illnesses. It's not being who you are and being with the wrong guy, friends, crowd in the wrong situations and places.

If you think you have social anxiety that's fine and you would be getting treatment for that and hopefully your parents are helping you with that.. If anyone makes you believe you do, well that's gaslighting. He sounds like a overly critical jerk. Good you got rid of him.

Do not change your basic personality, tastes or who you are for some dude who's got far too many idiotic complaints.

I don't like parties are being around large crowds with people who I'm not familiar with.

I don't dance or drink or anything.

He said I don't talk and look uncomfortable. It really hurt me because I know it's something i struggle with and impacted my relationship with him. He knew what i struggled with .

I just find it so overwhelming when I'm around other people.

I love concerts. I do not act that way when I'm at a concert listening to music live that I love.

My parents are the only reason why I'm still here. I love them so much, but I fear what I will do if I ever lose them, which I know will happen in the future.

Hating crowded places is now considered mental illness? If so, I probably have 1 million mental illnesses.

You are not the only one like this, believe me. Does being an introvert limit your opportunities with people ? Yes. But you are who you are.

Agree with dias, being an introvert, having social anxiety in certain situations is not a mental illness!

You do not need meds or even therapy imo.

You are who you are.

Again, since you connect with music so much, let music be your therapy!!

Well, no disrespect but I think discouraging someone from getting professional help to aid them in getting over something that makes them uncomfortable and has caused her relationship woes is irresponsible. Just my opinion and I realize you are entitled to yours.

... as well, Having anxiety is a mental illness. Being introverted of course, is not. BTW: I didn't say she should be on medication, I asked if she was on proper medication? If she has been diagnosed with social anxiety then a mild anti-anxiety med is hardly a sin and it could help her to be more comfortable in certain situations. A "take when needed" drug isn't going to screw with her libido or her moods in general.

I hate crowded places, going out with with large groups and usually prefer sticking to 2 or 3 people max than talking to many people at once. I don't like clubs in general and have a limited social circle. I'm an introverted and though I love talking and all, I need to recharge my energies alone after social situations. It doesn't come naturally to me. I was like this all my life and thought there was something wrong with me because most my friends are social extroverts.

If this is affecting your life negatively I agree with therapy but I think that with this guy this boils down to incompatibility and I don't think you should force yourself to be a social butterfly just to please someone

I hate crowds but I am very social. I am a big social butterfly but HATE crowds. I do have anxiety but not social. I do take a class C med which does not mess with libido. A very hard prescription to get though.

Hermes, I was just reading OP's post again. Yeah, being depressed 24 /7 requires professional help. I missed the last part of the post.

Nonetheless, everything else about hating crowded places etc is not mental illness. This is how introverts are.

Hermes, I was just reading OP's post again. Yeah, being depressed 24 /7 requires professional help. I missed the last part of the post.

 

Apologies missed that too. :(

If we were to put aside everything in the opening post, the quote from that post noted below is enough to suggest therapy and applicable medication if indicated by her therapist.

My parents are the only reason why I'm still here. I love them so much, but I fear what I will do if I ever lose them, which I know will happen in the future. It scares me. I just feel like once they pass I won't have anything left worth living for.

I echo TWT's post^^.

Again apologies I was just focusing on the introversion and social anxiety in large crowds (which I struggle with too) my bad.

Yes OP, please seek help asap, and wish you well.

Peace and love. xxx

Hermes, I was just reading OP's post again. Yeah, being depressed 24 /7 requires professional help. I missed the last part of the post.

 

Nonetheless, everything else about hating crowded places etc is not mental illness. This is how introverts are.

Off topic but who is Hermes?

I recall a poster named Hermes from a couple of years back but have not seen any posts from her in awhile.

Off topic but who is Hermes?

 

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The secret saint of ENA :)

The secret saint of ENA :)

Agree with that.

I've been suicidal before in the past. My parents are the only reason why I'm still here. I love them so much, but I fear what I will do if I ever lose them, which I know will happen in the future. It scares me. I just feel like once they pass I won't have anything left worth living for.

For this reason alone, please see a therapist. This isn't just about liking crowds, big parties vs. small parties, or whatever.

A professional, licensed therapist can make a proper diagnosis, and if you'd like to move forward without medication, they can help you there too.

We on a board are just people like you. Some of us like big parties, some of us prefer smaller groups. But taken into context with your admission that you've been suicidal, and that your parents are the only reason you are here, is a glaring reason for me to advise to please, seek help.

Yes I have seen a doctor. I've been on zoloft for about 8 months. It helps a little bit, but I still struggle with depression. I was going to therapy and I found it didn't really help me that much. I don't just struggle with social outings, it's a lot more. One time the guy I like at work brought his sister to work and I was so extremely nervous to spark up a conversation and introduce myself I wasn't sure how to go about doing it. I felt I said stupid things. I was scared she would think I was weird and tell her brother and he wouldn't be interested in me. I ended up leaving work early that day just to avoid speaking to them.

That's just an example. Throughout college I was so terrified to walk around campus out of fear of people making fun of me. I was bullied as a child for my appearance so I constantly always fear being judged by others. Things aren't as bad like they used to. I find I can travel alone and attend concerts by myself which I enjoy doing so there's some progress.

I don't really care for the job I have now. However, I'm too scared to leave and start somewhere new. It's just difficult for me. I suffer from panic attacks also. I had three break downs in front of my ex boyfriend one time. It was so bad that in the middle of the argument I felt I couldn't breathe and had to tell him I was scared to be alone that night because I seriously felt like I was going insane and would harm myself. I went to the hospital and he stayed with me. But the doctors made me feel like my condition was a joke and they didn't take me seriously they even said. I was at the wrong hospital since it was a hospital for expecting mothers and children and the next time something "was really wrong with me to go to a different hospital". (it was the only one nearby during my panic attack) I keep replaying those moments in my head and just realize how it will always be difficult for me to date and form friendships. I've been working on getting better but I feel as though I always end up feeling the same. I don't know how to get out of this rut.

If you're currently on Zoloft, then you must have a doctor who is renewing the Rx's, correct?

If you're not finding help from this doctor, I'd advise you to switch. Go to 10 doctors if you need to. Find one who can help you manage your condition with the correct combination of Rx's, talk therapy, and possibly EMDR or deeper therapy. Don't feel that this is the only doctor around; he/she is not. If the Zoloft alone is only helping a little, then tell your new doctor that, so that they can manage and get you on the best combination.

Don't go through this alone. I wish I could hug you.

What dose of Zoloft are you on? Maybe it needs increasing? My husband used to suffer from crippling crippling anxiety . Passed out on the floor, 6 month mental health breaks from work every year . Barely functional. He has GAD and OCD. He did 10 years of therapy most of it which he just didn’t follow the advice and just basically in his own words told me wasted time . However ,when he started to engage in his therapy and have medication he improved drastically . He is no longer anxiety ridden at all . He must remain on medication his entire life but I don’t care that’s nothing next to being completely and utterly functional .