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Thread: Confused about myself, Am I a bad person and just in denial?

  1. #21
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    Your children will end up in abusive relationships just like you did.

    You say that's not what you want, then proceed to make a bunch of excuses to stay and keep exposing your children to the horror.

    What is most important to you?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go to a regular doctor for a complete workup. Everything you mention in any doctor's or therapists office is confidential, personalized toward you and professional advice. Discuss the substance abuse you and your husband have. Discuss the abuse. Try not to be argumentative or flip by insisting abuse is normal and everyone does it.
    Originally Posted by NeedAdvice89
    Are you saying that there is a relationship where equal work is done.. no cheating.. no name calling... no yelling... being honest? Does that actually exist..?
    You need to see doctors and therapists separately. You also should ask this question (although it sounds like you are being sarcastic) to your psychiatrist.
    Originally Posted by NeedAdvice89
    in January and will both be seeing a psychiatrist.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by NeedAdvice89
    No- itís not what I want. Maybe it is harder for me to see because I donít know of any non-abusive relationships. It doesnít feel right but my parents had their own form of an abusive relationship and I honestly canít name someone in my family (and extended family) or circle of friends who doesnít endure some sort of abuse so maybe itís hard for me to see that there is something different out there. Are you saying that there is a relationship where equal work is done.. no cheating.. no name calling... no yelling... being honest? Does that actually exist..? And my therapist said I do have very low self esteem but she thinks knowing then issues between us that we are both abusive to a degree and that since we both recognize it now it is fixable but very difficult. We are getting a little money in January and will both be seeing a psychiatrist. Also, my kids donít see everything. They do sometimes like the yelling and he is the first to say he is being a horrible example for them. I just dont think its as black and white. He is abusive. I am abusive. I want help to change and fix what we did wrong. Not to pack up and leave and maybe that is really my only choice but there has to be some sort of group or something that can help.
    Of course, there are healthy relationships. I don't know anyone who is in a relationship like yours. it is not normal or healthy. My parents were married for 64 years. There was no yelling, cheating,hitting, or disrespect of any kind. They loved one another and had a fantastic marriage. it was equal.

    Stop using this as an excuse to stay with your POS husband. You need to take some responsibility for your children. They are in an abusive environment.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Go to a regular doctor for a complete workup. Everything you mention in any doctor's or therapists office is confidential, personalized toward you and professional advice. Discuss the substance abuse you and your husband have. Discuss the abuse. Try not to be argumentative or flip by insisting abuse is normal and everyone does it.You need to see doctors and therapists separately. You also should ask this question (although it sounds like you are being sarcastic) to your psychiatrist.
    No- it wasnít sarcasm. He agreed to see the psychiatrist. He has a substance abuse problem, I dont have that issue. And im not trying to say its normal and okay- im trying to say that I dont know solid relationships and ones that look solid, like the ones in my well to do family, are actually horrible. Like tons of cheating that isnít known by the other party. So on one hand most see this great relationship of 30+ years but no one knows that secret and thatís prevalent in all the relationships I see. So in that respect its hard for me to think that one without something bad does exist. And maybe it honestly does but I cant cite to anyone that does. The ones that do its fake. But he agreed to seeing a psychiatrist and we are going separately to that.

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  6. #25
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by NeedAdvice89
    I donít know of any non-abusive relationships. It doesnít feel right but my parents had their own form of an abusive relationship and I honestly canít name someone in my family (and extended family) or circle of friends who doesnít endure some sort of abuse so maybe itís hard for me to see that there is something different out there. Are you saying that there is a relationship where equal work is done.. no cheating.. no name calling... no yelling... being honest? Does that actually exist..?
    Of course decent and non-abusive relationships exist! I'm on the other end of the scale to you - I don't know of a single abusive relationship amongst my family, extended family and friends. None. Maybe that's why I have a huge problem understanding anyone who would stay in an abusive relationship in the first place. I really really don't get it. I can't get my head around it.

    Your children deserve better than this. Please continue with therapy for as long as it takes, and good to hear you'll be seeing a psychiatrist soon. Keep it up.

  7. #26
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    I recommend you also have your children attend therapy. They have been damaged whether you think so or not.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    Of course decent and non-abusive relationships exist! I'm on the other end of the scale to you - I don't know of a single abusive relationship amongst my family, extended family and friends. None. Maybe that's why I have a huge problem understanding anyone who would stay in an abusive relationship in the first place. I really really don't get it. I can't get my head around it.

    Your children deserve better than this. Please continue with therapy for as long as it takes, and good to hear you'll be seeing a psychiatrist soon. Keep it up.
    I cannot fathom that- It is actually depressing that I may have these blinders on and I am hoping a psychiatrist can help with this... likewise I donít think my husband has any good examples of relationships either and his were far worse. I hope one day I am on your side of the fence...

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I recommend you also have your children attend therapy. They have been damaged whether you think so or not.
    Okay, thank you.

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