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Thread: Did I do the right thing w regards to MIL

  1. #11
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    The other way to assert a boundary is a time limit. visit in their home when you are on the way to a fixed time event (need to get to doc appointment for child at 3 and you stop by at their place at 1.) or they have theater tickets and you invite them to stop by on their way into the city. Stuff like that.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Since husband is already pulling his weight by looking out for you and baby, what's the purpose of going overkill on punitive destruction? Why punish everyone in the family just to make a point that was already made in the moment?

    I'd view anything MIL 'says' as just noise. I'd allow husband to continue his role of backing you up and setting and enforcing boundaries. I'd avoid situations where you're alone with MIL, but I'd otherwise continue--or even increase--your family's bonds with the inlaws.

    You either trust husband's and your own ability to 'manage' others as fully capable adults, or you don't. When MIL acts out, you can simply remind her that if the price of doing business with her means fighting off her over-steps, then she will see a lot less of you and her grandchildren until she learns how to control herself.

    That's the only convo you ever need to have. If she balks at that and fights you on it, you can hold the door open and ask her to leave, or you can pack up baby and exit. You can even be gentle about it and walk away on good terms, because the exit speaks for itself. Each calm exit will train MIL to avoid overstepping to avoid future premature exits.

    I'd avoid cornering myself into proclamations. Yes, the woman is abrasive, but you can either learn ways to 'manage' her without resorting to a wrecking ball, or the damage is on you.

    Head high, and embrace the power you have rather than waste it on spite.

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