Stuck on next move

Hi all,

My husband and I have been together for 13years. We are best friends or we were. 2 years ago he was made redundant and decided to go contracting. This meant that he was away from home all week and when he did get home on a Saturday he would be tired and stressed. He would say to just think about the money that he was earning and that it would jot be forever. Eventually the stress of the job did get to him and after 12 months he gave it up in order to get a local job. This made me very happy as it meant that he would come home every night and we could have a proper marriage. After 6 months he decided that he missed the money too much from contracting and he went back to it. That was 6 months ago and my husband is no longer the same. When he gets home on a Saturday he is tired and irritable and I am walking on eggshells so as not to upset him. He has snapped at almost everyone around him and on boxing day it was my turn. After shouting, screaming and calling me names after a stupid misunderstanding it took an hour before I could talk to him again and we agreed to draw a line under the episode. The following day however he snapped again and this time I walked out and spent the night at my parents. I text him to say where I was and that I would be back in the morning and we would have to talk. I got no reply and when I got back home he had left. I know where he has gone but have heard nothing from him. I know he is not going to get in touch because it is what he does as a punishment to make me feel bad but I did not want to end the year and begin the new year with this going on. I know where he is so don't know whether to give him a couple of days and if I have heard nothing go and find him or to wait for him to contact me. The problem though is that he is so stressed with work I don't think I am going to get a sensible conversation from him and I am not going to make him see that he is pushing everyone away. I don't want this to be the end of the marriage but the way he is lately I would not be surprised if this is what he thinks. So I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great because at the moment I am lost

Is he having an affair in the other locale?

I would text some supportive things, like “the situation is stressful, but we can get through this together.”

His job is to provide for you and it seems like this job is worse than he expected.

Tell him you are here for him.

Tell him you want to be with him on New Year’s Eve.

I think deep down, you two have difficulty seeing eye to eye on money. Let him know he can provide for your without having a high stress job. That you will support him if he wants to go to an easier job.

Look into YNAB. Check out Mr. Money Moustache’s site too. Just to get ideas for talking points.

You two need to find a balance with work/life/finances. I suspect it’s a bit out of balance right now and that is what caused the argument.

Oh, and I don’t think there is an affair. He’s too stressed providing for you, let alone a second woman.

Good luck!

Yes i cannot see an affair here. He is simply trying to do too much although he seems blind to the damage it is doing to your relationship.

Would take the advice above of BPM. Try and talk to him when the mood is calm, explain you will support him, you are a team and still love him even if you have less money etc.

Sounds like hes going to work himself into a meltdown and maybe take your relationship along with it which neither of you want. Some men, and i include myself in this, get stuck in a caveman mode i call it, we have to earn lots of money and provide for our partners etc which causes undue pressure. Hope everything works out for you both.