Need advice on this

I met my first boyfriend in high school whe we were 17; we are both now 27. He was my first love, first everything if you know what I mean. He did however break my heart by cheating on me multiple times, which put a strain in the relationship.

Fast forward, I end up pregnant at 22 and at this point the relationship is still rocky not because of the baby but because now after all the hurt I don’t want to be a “family.”on top of that he was immature and wasn’t being the man /father he should’ve been. He didn’t do these things because I didn’t want to be with him. We never officially broke up but continued to do our own thing (him so more than me) while caring for our daughter, but the care and love was still there.

I waited and waited and now this year, I see he has evolved into a better person,maturity wise, career/financial wise,he’s more responsible and more loving. He has been pursuing me for over a year but I was still too hurt. On top of that his family was actively involved in our relationship in which we both allowed; there were plenty of arguments between myself and his family particularly this year.

Just recently I saw him, his mom, her husband, and his new girlfriend on a dinner date. My heart sank. He even introduced his new girlfriend to my friend a few days later who works at a retail store.

After awhile I not speaking /communicating on the phone at all (just texting about our daughter from April 2017 to now)he finally called me and wanted to talk about the “incident.” He was nervous. His voice was shaky. He explained he didn’t want me to find out that way. How he still loves and cares and never wanted to stop being a family.That after the last family argument he thought it was really over and decided to “take one of them seriously” (his pool of women). He says he had been waiting for me to come around. But his words were “how would it work after everything?” All he kept saying was “this sucks,but it’s life.”

It took me to see him with someone else to realize I wasn’t healed like I thought I was. I thought I was over him. I convinced everyone around me that he was a horrible person and that I would never be with him again. But it only opened my eyes to the fact that I wasn’t even fighting him, I wasn’t at war with him. I was fighting his family the entire time. On the flip side I guess I was xpecting him to fight harder for his family he wanted so badly. I’ve been crying everyday. I’ve known this man since I was 17. It hurts badly.i want to confess this but I know it’s not the right thing to do. I am just at a loss.

You wrote that he has cheated multiple times. That's a pattern. Calling you and saying these things was a form of emotional cheating when it comes to his current relationship. His cheating habit should not be underestimated. It doesn't sound like you or him know how to break out of the destructive 10 year pattern you two built. Individual therapy might be a start towards finding a way out of this mess.

Other than that, my only other observation is that it takes team effort to fix a relationship and it sounds like you two never learned to be a team. Overall, it would take tremendous effort, energy and determination from both of you as as a team to fix this (plus counseling) and sadly it does not sound like either of you has that kind of determination. All the things that broke you up (cheating, meddling family) are still there and neither of you sound like you have the determination to fix this. Even if one of you did, it would not be enough though. It takes two. You would need to become a team and overcome ten years of bad communication/ interaction habits plus personal issues. That's super tough and sadly neither of you sound determined. You feel discomfort due to the change in the status quo of things but that is not necessarily "love".

You sound stuck in habit. Individual therapy might help you figure things out.