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Thread: My ground rules for online dating

  1. #21
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    I love it when a guy texts right after a great date. I would think that he was not as interested if he wanted a day.

    OP, where are you getting your ideas? Are you using some website instructing you how to snare a girl?

  2. #22
    Member jd2007's Avatar
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    Wow, a lot of hostility here.

    Well I had no idea that I was "playing a game". I've actually had dating coaches that say not to be too eager, or you'll appear desperate.

    And it feels unnatural to me, to be hyper aggressive. So that wouldn't come out right.

    I've learned to be happy alone. I'm very guarded and slow to trust. I only have like one or two close friends, and those took years to come by. I always feel like I should be careful not to overstep with new acquaintances, and be respectful of their space.

    So I don't know the answer right now, other than that it is much less frustrating and easier just not to try.

  3. #23
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    ...the other thing is that "I'll never find her" is a very burned in core belief. So when I do see someone that really lights me up, it's like I unconsciously and automatically disqualify myself. I'll go right up to the edge of the dock, but I can never get myself to jump in, for fear of being turned down and feeling like a fool. ...and then the moment passes and it is too late.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I love it when a guy texts right after a great date. I would think that he was not as interested if he wanted a day.

    OP, where are you getting your ideas? Are you using some website instructing you how to snare a girl?
    Nowhere in particular.

    Thank you for this. I'll remember it.

  5.  

  6. 12-27-2018, 10:54 PM

  7. #25
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    Thank you for all the replies. This has been very enlightening.

  8. #26
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    I'll tell you a little story about a guy I dated who waited to call me after our first meet.

    It was one of those amazing first meets where you feel like you could close the place down. I was So. Excited!!! about this guy. We met on a Thursday, and he walked me to my car, and I enthusiastically thanked him, and he hugged me, and I could not wait to hear from him.

    He waited till the following Wednesday to call. I was so excited to hear from him that I met him out that night! I figured I just hadn't heard from him earlier because he'd been busy, but turned out that no, he spent the weekend alone. He admitted to waiting to call me so as not to appear eager. Something about that just.....deflated me. Like, it was too beta.

    I went out with him a few more times, but his beta-ness showed up in other ways, or maybe i just perceived it. There is something alpha about a guy just stepping up, at the end of the first date, or the next day, asking me out again. After about a month, I ended things, as I just never could get that excitement back. Don't be that guy.

  9. #27
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    .... but his beta-ness showed up in other ways,....Don't be that guy.
    We can't change who we are.

    At some point, you realize it is a bridge too far, you were born into the wrong world, and there's nothing left but to give up.

    ...or live out the rest of your days, your heart a punching bag.

    I'll take door #1.

  10. #28
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    Originally Posted by jd2007
    Wow, a lot of hostility here.

    Well I had no idea that I was "playing a game". I've actually had dating coaches that say not to be too eager, or you'll appear desperate.

    And it feels unnatural to me, to be hyper aggressive. So that wouldn't come out right.

    I've learned to be happy alone. I'm very guarded and slow to trust. I only have like one or two close friends, and those took years to come by. I always feel like I should be careful not to overstep with new acquaintances, and be respectful of their space.

    So I don't know the answer right now, other than that it is much less frustrating and easier just not to try.
    Please take the advice on board. People are trying to help you in your search for a nice girl.

  11. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you are, OP?

    And I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, because I mean no hostility—indeed, I’m posting here just to help you have a blast out there—but when I hear “dating coach” I can’t help but think “playing games.” Or, at the very least, “overthinking,” which is where we end up playing the worst sort of games, the subconscious ones.

    Anyhow, I hope LH’s story resonated. Alphas generally shine, even if we end up face planting here and there. And, hey, there’s charm in that too. You get up, dust off, grin, get back out there.

  12. #30
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Can I ask how old you are, OP?

    And I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, because I mean no hostility—indeed, I’m posting here just to help you have a blast out there—but when I hear “dating coach” I can’t help but think “playing games.” Or, at the very least, “overthinking,” which is where we end up playing the worst sort of games, the subconscious ones.

    Anyhow, I hope LH’s story resonated. Alphas generally shine, even if we end up face planting here and there. And, hey, there’s charm in that too. You get up, dust off, grin, get back out there.
    55

    I'm not hurting for looks. I see that in their eyes. It just never gets too far. ..I have an intimidating presence, I've lived long enough to figure that out. And I've no problem standing up for myself.

    But there's still something missing. And as my last serious anything used to say: "you're weary".

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