Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 31

Thread: Divorce or Stay?

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    I'm nit seeing anyone. The guy that gave me a wakeup call is a trainer at the gym. I stopped training with him a month ago.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,556
    Focus on your child and removing yourself from this mess of a husband. Contact an attorney and stay single for at least a year. You have a lot on your plate.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    3,653
    Gender
    Male
    Challenge:

    When there's no chance of disturbance or escape tell him what you want your marriage with him to be.
    Don't expect miracles right away, then begin a plan of progressive distancing.

  4. #24
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Just to give you guys an update...On NYE, I asked my husband for a divorce and I explained why. He asked me to give him another chance so I decided to just watch him. Ever since then, he's been really good to me. Now he's asking me to join him in bed again and asking if I could forgive him and focus on the future. The truth is I appreciate his effort, but he didn't try until I asked for a divorce...after 13 years of him cheating, lying, and neglecting me. Now I'm checked out emotionally. However, thinking of our baby girl makes me sad. I feel like I can forgive, but I don't think I'll ever forget. If I do stay, then I can picture myself thinking about what he did to me and I'll feel angry again. We are supposed to talk about our future tonight after baby goes to bed. I wanna tell him that our marriage is over and he can stop trying. There's just too much pain for me in this relationship.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    91
    Good plan. Any changes on his part will be temporary at best because it's a superficial behavior change, inside he's still the same person he always was.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Yes, I agree that it seems this is a temporary change on his part. He doesn't know that I know about his porn addiction. I saved the evidence too in case I need to use it against him in court. The night I asked for a divorce, I also asked how often he was watching porn. He said...randomly. That was a lie. From what I saw, he was watching porn EVERY DAY. He also made a comment on Twitter to a porn star saying, "I love hearts and triangles." The porn star was posing wearing a thong and showing her butt.

  8. #27
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    91
    Originally Posted by DarleneLove
    I also asked how often he was watching porn. He said...randomly. That was a lie. From what I saw, he was watching porn EVERY DAY.
    Well "randomly" doesn't imply how often he views it. He could randomly put on a video several times per day for all we know and that's no lie.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    55
    Posts
    7,828
    Gender
    Male
    He has shown who he is for years. He knew it was wrong and hurtful but he did it anyways. This is who he is deep down and you are correct he will return to his core behavior as soon as the heat is off.

    If you have emotionally checked out then the right thing to do is be straight with him and not string him along.

    Do you have a plan?
    Who moves out?
    When are you filing?
    Are you using attorneys or a mediator?
    Do you have copies of all the financial documents you will need? His payroll, retirement, social security, mortgage, credit card, bank statements, life insurance, investments and on and on.

    It doesn't sound like this is adversarial at the moment but once you pull the trigger and he knows it is over he may get angry and difficult.

    I would advise that you stay in the home and he leaves and your child stays with you for now. Custody will need to be worked out as well as child support and spousal support.

    Divorce is a business deal with a lot of emotions swirling around. It is hard but necessary some times.

    Lost

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    3,653
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by DarleneLove
    Just to give you guys an update...On NYE, I asked my husband for a divorce and I explained why. He asked me to give him another chance so I decided to just watch him. Ever since then, he's been really good to me.
    While certainly not progressive, you got the idea.
    I just wish, at the first sign of marriage trouble, every new wife could know what you know now.

    It would have a profound affect on the divorce rates.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    8
    Gender
    Male
    I got only one thing to say that saving a marriage is much better than divorce if it can get better.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •