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Thread: In-Laws Posting My Child’s Photos Online Without My Consent

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    In-Laws Posting My Child’s Photos Online Without My Consent

    I’m surprised this topic has hardly been brought up here, so I would like some feedback. This goes to anyone who is a parent or works in the field with children.

    My inlaws live overseas and primary speak a foreign language. My husband often acts as our translator. There has been a couple culture clashes between my husband and I; the biggest and most recent one was a few months ago when he got his whole family over around the time of my scheduled birth. When I came home from the hospital (I was cooped up there for four days), they were not bothersome and were very respectful (they made meals and kept our house clean while we all cared for the baby). Even as awesome as they were trying to be, I felt they were slightly overstaying their welcome. I just wanted a house alone with just my husband and daughter so that I could learn parenting on my own. I needed the peace and “quiet” to keep my sanity. My house is very small and I was very sleep deprived while recovering from postpartum. It was the roughest month of my entire life that nothing prepared me for it (LOL and I was so freaked out about childbirth and thought how bad it was... the worst was AFTER the childbirth).

    Now the most recent boundary issue I am experiencing is what’s in the thread’s title. The addiction to post your entire flippin’ life on social media pictures - but this time it personally involves my infant daughter. I seem to be the only one who strongly advocates that photos of my baby daughter do NOT get posted beyond email exchanges. My wishes - once again - are not being respected. I had to create a social media account to link with his family, and see this happen a few times when they were told not to do this. I have “quietly” contacted social media services to request the pictures be taken down as a parent without my inlaws knowing that I was reporting them, but sometimes the social media support people don’t do so. It’s as though they ignore my requests. I have kept documentation of every correspondence I’ve sent to them in case I need to seek legal action. I am almost considering it.

    Has anyone gone through this problem before? I’ve asked my husband to tell them not to do this without BOTH our consent, that I don’t feel comfortable about having my daughter’s information on display when she is incapable of advocating for what digital content of herself to be posted, and I do not have his full support (very frustrating). I feel so sad for my daughter that her own privacy is being exploited at the hands of her grandparents. He says I am “overreacting,” that the world is eventually going to go digital and no one’s going to care when there’s millions of people posting their personal photos online (so potentially advertising to human traffickers isn’t a problem now?), and there is “nothing wrong or embarrassing” with the photos that his parents are posting onto their account. I am all for spouses dealing with their own families accordingly, but I truly feel this is a hill worth dying on since it involves my child and her safety. I have not directly asked my inlaws to take the pictures down YET (I will happily use Google Translate to spell it out to them).

    How else do I enforce this boundary? I’m about to go full force momma bear on both my husband and in-laws, but want to see if there are better options before I unleash some serious drama. I’m also afraid that if I go too hard, then my husband maybe doing stuff behind my back (sending email attachments without CC’ing me). Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Is this really the hill you want to die on?

    How old is your baby?

    How has postpartum been going?

    If this is truly a concern for you, talk to the in laws. Unfortunately you can’t ‘force’ your husband to see things the same way you do. Spouses should be a united front, but since he sounds unwilling to die on that hill with you, it’s a concern for you only, therefore you have to be the one to speak up.

    Originally Posted by Snny

    I was essentially ignored as if I don’t know what the hell I am talking about. I was (and still am) tiffed about it. My husband has never went against my wishes and the fact that he allowed his family to undermine me has created nasty tensions when I should not be under ANY stress while carrying a child. I’m assuming he’s super anxious about becoming a father (leading back to the fights we had about me selling off my Hot Rod). Hubs working as an ultrasound technician and usually working with patients who are pregnant and have lack of family support may have got to him about this whole thing... I don’t know. He also mentioned his fear of my parents’ being tied up caring for my grandmother, we wouldn’t/shouldn’t expect any support from them other than how they gave some financial support with our new flooring installment (except they also made arrangements to be with us
    I’m thinking this pretty little nugget of info is where the issues truly lie and the photos conundrum is a manifestation of all of this.

    Not saying you are wrong. Just that your post is reading like there’s a ton of background going on here.

  3. #3
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    I can't stand all the social media posting, so I get it. And one thing I particularly find vile is people using events, or photos, of things that aren't really "theirs" to share, so that they can garner likes, comments, attention.

    They should ask your permission before posting pictures of your baby. Posting pictures of children can be outright dangerous, not to mention, it's your news, not theirs.

    I can see why you'd be upset by this.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My son was not an infant in the social media days . I would ask your husband to send no more pics until this is sorted out but I would not recommend legal action or reporting them to social media behind his back. That is stuff that ends marriages.

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  6. #5
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    I do not have any social media and find it a waste of time, but I think you are overreacting.

    I agree with Seraphim. Tell your husband not to send any more pics, until it is reolved.

  7. #6
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    I feel so sad for my daughter that her own privacy is being exploited at the hands of her grandparents.
    I don't see a child been exploited , I see grandparents happy beyond anything that they have a grandbaby and want all their friends to see ....I think your words are harsh and really misdirected BUT ....that is only MY opinion which is what you asked for .

    It is your child and if you are not happy about it then you have every right to ask for this to stop .

  8. #7
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Had a similar thing happen with my MIL. I'd send her photos of our daughter and a day or so later I'd find them on her social media page. It was especially frustrating, because some of those photos or videos weren't meant for the world to see, just family (me in sloppy sweats for example). I just told my fiance that I'd appreciate if his mom could ask beforehand. There was no issue, she wasn't mad or anything and has since asked every single time. If your husband isn't willing to tell them, just approach them. It might be easier than you think.

  9. #8
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    My daughter was born well before the internet was life ...so I am trying to put myself in your shoes .

    My brother got married about 4 years ago and on the invite it asked for everyone to refrain from posting any pics of the wedding untill they had themselves ..I remember thinking wow what has it come to when you have to mention facebook on a wedding invite .

    I just don't think they are exploiting her and there seems a lot of anger in your post ..it is born from love , of that I am sure .
    Last edited by pippy longstocking; 12-27-2018 at 11:53 AM.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Yes, I am sure they are just super happy grandparents. I despise my husband’s parents but I tried to never alienate my son from them. That will rebound on you.

  11. #10
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    Why don't you .....select pics you are happy to have posted ..so you don't have to be on her page in your sweats with your hair looking like you have just come out of a rugby tackle .... I think that is fair ...they get to post and you get to control the goings on as it is your baby .

    Just seen everyone already suggested this ...

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