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Thread: In-Laws Posting My Childís Photos Online Without My Consent

  1. #21
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    All I can say is I totally understand your feelings. I would be livid. No means no. And your reasoning isn't silly ! It's damn smart IMO. And it's not their choice to make!

    I wish I had helpful tips - I agree with getting this straight with your hubby first, because it really seems to me he is undermining you.

    It's nuts to me people would sluff this off as 'oh it's cause they love her so much'. No, it's not about that

  2. #22
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    Oh yeah, this really gets me. I know itís petty and I have tried many times to dismiss this feeling.... but itís there.


    It is slowly heading that direction.Thatís one of the reasons why I am coming here to seek advice. 😣

    My husband is SIDING with them. AGAIN. Ever since I had our child, itís becoming more about their wishes, them being grandparents and having lack of access. Social Media closes that distance gap and is now crossing family boundaries regardless if we live in separate countries. I never imagined that it would turn out badly.


    This is the core concern I have. WHY the F does someone have to feel the need to share their personal family photos with the world? Why does my daughterís life now how to become similar to Jim Careyís The Truman Show, where her life is monitored by random people? Even worse if the wrong people ends up with that information and shares it across the Dark Web without my acknowledgement.

    We initially AGREED to keep it between email. My inlaws got too excited and shared the photos without asking us. My husbandís response was aloof - ďEh, it is bound to happen.Ē It DOESN'T mean it should not does it make it right.
    Honey,

    Ask yourself if you really I mean really love him. And ask yourself some tough questions. I know you pride yourself on being a tough personality but ask yourself if that leaves enough room for your husband to be who he is . Are you pushing him into your beliefs? Is he being dismissed in this whole situation ? Donít make it he better do it I friggin say or else kind of marriage .

    Marriage is difficult already and across cultures even more difficult . More people than just you and your husband are bound to be excited . Iím not trying to dismiss you but child abuse was rampant long before Facebook .

    I know I only see a microcosm of your life but what I have seen it has been he better freaking tow my line or else . I would learn to tone that down a bit . Your daughter is also HIS daughter .

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    I don't see a child been exploited , I see grandparents happy beyond anything that they have a grandbaby and want all their friends to see ....I think your words are harsh and really misdirected BUT ....that is only MY opinion which is what you asked for .

    It is your child and if you are not happy about it then you have every right to ask for this to stop .
    I have the same opinion.

    What your inlaws are doing is exactly what social media is about. Thats why I don't have any profile on any social media sight.

    That being said. It is your choice to not want pics of your child for all to see so don't send them anymore pictures if they refuse to honor your wishes.

    Frankly, I hardly think that posting pictures of one's grandbaby is going to open them up to human trafficing unless your name and address are posted under the pictures so try to relax about that.

    ... Just make sure when your babe is older that you are making her online activities safe and productive and she'll be protected from any type of exploitation...

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Honestly, this is silly.

    Noone is sitting there looking for baby pics online so that they can "stalk" and abduct those babies to traffic them, its just ridiculous and paranoid to think they would.
    As someone who has sat in three training sessions over human trafficking and listened to accounts of information of children being shared among predators, I strongly disagree.

    I myself was also harassed AND stalked by a person from an MMO game I used to play with. He flew from Chicago to a festival in DC to FIND me (and he was successful). If I was not with my boyfriend (now husband), who knows what heíd do. I had police involved and left the festival EARLY because some guy from the internet threatened my safety.

    I have every reason to take every precaution as a parent. Are you, yourself, a parent? Because you wouldnít find this silly at all and would be a whole lot smarter looking at this situation. It does happen.

    In 16 years your baby will be posting so much rubbish online themselves, that you'll have absolutely no control over and you'll sit there and WISH it was still your in-laws posting innocent baby pics.
    Youíre wrong. Things that your children do online can legally fall on you (sexting and cyber bullying for example). It is our job as parents to be monitoring and teaching our children internet safety. What you post is posted forever and cannot be truly deleted. Iíve had a digital forensic scientist personally tell me this.

    My teenage daughter went through a stage, as did many of her friends, where she posted all sorts of pics in her lingerie, I was heartbroken and disgusted and ashamed and angry, but there was nothing I could do to stop it, let alone get those pics removed from the Internet.

    Your daughter will do the same, guaranteed.
    BS. I never partook in taking provocative pictures and posted them online. I was raised that those kind of things could come back to haunt you.
    Saying ďeveryone does itĒ is a weak bandwagon logical fallacy.

    Thanks for playing.
    Last edited by Snny; 12-27-2018 at 05:11 PM.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    I read the other day about a classroom teacher posting photos of her students on her personal facebook page without the parents' permission.
    I work with teens. We have parents sign disclaimers and permission forms if my agency can film or photograph their children. If I did what that teacher did to the wrong kid, I could easily be let go from my job.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think the inlaws can be excited about their grandchild and not post on social media. They can send the photos by email to their loved ones and friends (which I assume would be ok with the OP). My inlaws were over the moon about our son -their only grandchild!! - and we sent them photos all the time (no computer) - I mean all the time. They ate it up, they gushed to their friends on the phone, in person, at their local coffee shop -shouted from the rooftops. It doesn't need to be expressed on social media to be genuine and over the top gushy.
    I 110% agree with this post. Itís sad that society should expect an audience in our private lives, and sometimes at the expense of our children. I am completely ok with keeping family stuff on emails (Iím also exploring doing an ďiCloudĒ storage access).

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Snny
    I 110% agree with this post. Itís sad that society should expect an audience in our private lives, and sometimes at the expense of our children. I am completely ok with keeping family stuff on emails (Iím also exploring doing an ďiCloudĒ storage access).
    Icloud is great -I guess you can share with others too? My husband has a nominal FB page (nothing on it, he's on Twitter for work, that's it) but has so many photos that he shares with family and friends - and they know not to post on social media. I text my sister photos of our son so she can show our mother who doesn't text and who lives far away. There are many ways to share all the photos, etc without social media. Icloud is a great idea.


    I wanted to add. When my inlaws were alive it drove me crazy when my husband sided with them -and it usually revolved around my wanting to stick to a nap/sleep schedule (which meant some tricky scheduling with them), and not wanting him in their home once he started crawling because they were hoarders and it was unsafe for a child - or it meant my being on top of him every second we were there or keeping him restrained. And I loved my inlaws - not every single thing they did -but loved them so much and miss them so much. And still I'll never forget my husband making me take our sleeping toddler out of his crib during naptime so my FIL could see him 24 hours earlier (he hadn't seen him in months and stopped by to bring us stuff when we were visiting our parents' city). I begged him not to make me do that to him. So a screaming baby was held in front of my FIL who was "surprised" that he was crying. I was allowed to put him back in his crib about 2 minutes later. I felt like crap. And my husband somewhat apologized. But yes because his parents were older and this was the only grandchild he often put their wishes ahead of mine if it had to do with them spending more time with their grandson. And they doted on him and he adored them but I did not agree that that took priority over his health and sleep (I put my foot down when my FIL had a cold and wanted to come over to see our 2 month old for example).

    So I get it. The saving grace was - I loved my inlaws so much, I knew they were disabled and my son would lose his grandparents at a young age, and I knew they had no clue about all these schedules - they hadn't done that with my husband (and it still shows lol!). I do not regret the boundaries I had because they had tons of time with their grandson and he remembers them. My parents respected my wishes far more .

    This is not to make it about me, it's to relate to what you are going through. Hope it helped.

  9. #28
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would not do an iCloud storage if you feel emails are not respected.

  10. #29
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    Snny, I completely empathize with you. This is your child. You are the parent. Everyone else needs to listen to what you want shared, not shared, whatever.

    It doesn't matter whether your MIL is coming from a place of love, of perceived attention, or from the man on the moon. It just doesn't. What matters is, are you, the parent, comfortable with this? You are not. Period.

    We will have a new baby in our family very soon, and the mother of that child is an amazing young woman, but definitely has her mind set on very particular things, one being social media. She opened up a private family-only page, where she invited only family and close friends to view that page. We all just "know" that this is her info to share, not ours, and not one person in our family has crossed that boundary.

    We can argue all day long about trafficking, etc. I'm of the opinion....why risk anything? I'm also of the opinion that none of this matters. You, the mother, do not want pictures shared on social media. You just don't. Everyone else should get out of your way and stop doing it. Period.

  11. #30
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Also letís not forget thereís a dad in the picture . Children are not just a property of Mom .

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