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Thread: In-Laws Posting My Childís Photos Online Without My Consent

  1. #11
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    I think you and your husband need to get on the same page regarding your daughterís photo on social media. As long as you two donít fully agree, your in-laws will be getting mixed messages. I donít think they are really the problem: the issue is that you and your husband donít see eye to eye on this. Once you do, and transmit a clear message to the in-laws, I think theíre more likely to follow your wishes.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by sophie274
    I think you and your husband need to get on the same page regarding your daughterís photo on social media. As long as you two donít fully agree, your in-laws will be getting mixed messages. I donít think they are really the problem: the issue is that you and your husband donít see eye to eye on this. Once you do, and transmit a clear message to the in-laws, I think theíre more likely to follow your wishes.
    Yes. My husband and I were on the exact same page - no photos of our child on social media. Yes we had a small select group we emailed too. When a photo or two slipped through (not the grandparents who were never on social media) I made a choice. In one case because you couldn't even tell it was him as an infant I let it go. But yes get on the same page. It helps a lot! Over the years (he is 9) our current stance is - his school/camp can post photos without tagging him on private Facebook pages. I posted one photo of him once - we were in the major newspapers and it was a photo of us from the back looking at an artwork.
    I am responding because I get it -I do not want his photos out there in the way you describe. He recently had a playdate with my friend's son. She snapped a photo of them and I asked her to text it to me. Then she posted it on Facebook without asking me. Which I thought was inappropriate but I get that for many it's no big deal. I asked her to remove him and she was perturbed because she'd already come up with a cute caption etc and her whole MLM business is conducted on social media. She politely asked me why I had an issue and I explained. She really didn't get it. And I wish she did but who cares. I wish she'd asked first.
    I do think you should nip this in the bud now. Yes I've seen what I believe are kids photos being shared way too much and with bad consequences.

    I should add that I do have pictures of my husband and I are on our page and I rarely post any photos at all - I'm fine if someone posts a photo of me just not our child. Also I am not a fan of drawing attention to my child through social media photos - I send photos to the people who want them and I much prefer that people meet and interact with him in real life or skype etc - to me anyway it quickly crosses over into bragging about one's child (including videos).

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Is this really the hill you want to die on?
    Yes it is. Itís for her protection.

    I have been to meeting on human trafficking this past year since I work with children. I got to witness how online predators use technology to target and even TRACK children through social media pictures.

    My worry is that I have NO idea who gets ACCESS to my daughterís pictures because they are posted on social media.

    How old is your baby?
    Irrelevant. I mentioned sheís an infant. And even if sheís young does that insinuate that she shouldnít receive protection? But thanks for asking.

    How has postpartum been going?
    What the hell does this have to do with anything? Please donít even go there. This is beyond anything with mental health. This is about a mother protecting her daughter and how boundaries have been crossed.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Disclaimer: I am not in agreement with your views of posting photos on social media, but I can understand and respect them.

    I agree with the poster who suggested you just discuss this with your husbands family. I would not use your husband as a translator, as Iím sure he would ďsoftenĒ your words in translation. You guys are married with a child, so I personally donít believe that his family = his problem at this point. You should address this with them.

    Additionally, I just wanted to give you a bit to think about. The world is advancing rapidly. Electronics, social media, global interaction, everything is advancing and highly dependent on technology. Your daughter will grow up in a world very different than the one you grew up in (assuming youíre around 30ish). It cannot be stopped. While I completely understand where youíre coming from, keep in mind that predators are not limited to the internet. They could snatch a child up from a grocery store, restaurant, day care, etc. Just really weigh the risks with social media against the anguish youíre causing yourself, your husband, and your family (all of whom are just excited about your baby) by committing to this argument. Choose the right path for you, but be aware of the risk vs reward in the long run.

    I hope your in-laws just understand and respect your wishes.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    And one thing I particularly find vile is people using events, or photos, of things that aren't really "theirs" to share, so that they can garner likes, comments, attention.
    Oh yeah, this really gets me. I know itís petty and I have tried many times to dismiss this feeling.... but itís there.

    I would ask your husband to send no more pics until this is sorted out but I would not recommend legal action or reporting them to social media behind his back. That is stuff that ends marriages.
    It is slowly heading that direction.Thatís one of the reasons why I am coming here to seek advice. 😣

    My husband is SIDING with them. AGAIN. Ever since I had our child, itís becoming more about their wishes, them being grandparents and having lack of access. Social Media closes that distance gap and is now crossing family boundaries regardless if we live in separate countries. I never imagined that it would turn out badly.

    I'd send her photos of our daughter and a day or so later I'd find them on her social media page. It was especially frustrating, because some of those photos or videos weren't meant for the world to see, just family
    This is the core concern I have. WHY the F does someone have to feel the need to share their personal family photos with the world? Why does my daughterís life now how to become similar to Jim Careyís The Truman Show, where her life is monitored by random people? Even worse if the wrong people ends up with that information and shares it across the Dark Web without my acknowledgement.

    We initially AGREED to keep it between email. My inlaws got too excited and shared the photos without asking us. My husbandís response was aloof - ďEh, it is bound to happen.Ē It DOESN'T mean it should not does it make it right.

  7. #16
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    Honestly, this is silly.

    Noone is sitting there looking for baby pics online so that they can "stalk" and abduct those babies to traffic them, its just ridiculous and paranoid to think they would.

    In 16 years your baby will be posting so much rubbish online themselves, that you'll have absolutely no control over and you'll sit there and WISH it was still your in-laws posting innocent baby pics.

    My teenage daughter went through a stage, as did many of her friends, where she posted all sorts of pics in her lingerie, I was heartbroken and disgusted and ashamed and angry, but there was nothing I could do to stop it, let alone get those pics removed from the Internet.

    Your daughter will do the same, guaranteed. So you may as well get over it. And focus more on building relationships with your husband and in laws now, as you are going to need their support in years to come, in ways you can't even imagine now.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by smittenkittn
    Honestly, this is silly.

    Noone is sitting there looking for baby pics online so that they can "stalk" and abduct those babies to traffic them, its just ridiculous and paranoid to think they would.

    In 16 years your baby will be posting so much rubbish online themselves, that you'll have absolutely no control over and you'll sit there and WISH it was still your in-laws posting innocent baby pics.

    My teenage daughter went through a stage, as did many of her friends, where she posted all sorts of pics in her lingerie, I was heartbroken and disgusted and ashamed and angry, but there was nothing I could do to stop it, let alone get those pics removed from the Internet.

    Your daughter will do the same, guaranteed. So you may as well get over it. And focus more on building relationships with your husband and in laws now, as you are going to need their support in years to come, in ways you can't even imagine now.
    I've seen and heard factual accounts of kids photos being used without the parents consent -for advertising, for claiming it's their child, all sorts of ridiculous stuff. Any kind of thing like this can be excused with "just wait to see what they're doing as teenagers". When he's a teenager he can eat fruit loops for breakfast every day. Doesn't mean he's going to get fruit loops every day now because (throws up hands) why bother to have limits when they'll be meaningless later". We all have our boundaries especially on the internet. I read the other day about a classroom teacher posting photos of her students on her personal facebook page without the parents' permission. We do what we can to keep our kids safe and sure in some cases the "well he's going to do what he wants when he's older" works if "older" is in a month from now or some such.

    We're teaching him safe internet practices right now, daily as is his school. And that's just for the youtube videos he watches and some of the games he plays that might have other players involved. He knows the line between appropriate and inappropriate and he owns zero devices right now (he is 9). So yes there is a huge point to enforcing boundaries with children despite what they might do as teenagers. And the way you raise them often dictates how they will behave later and how intense the rebellion will be. I know it did for me and my sister when we were teenagers and sure we did not smart things and rebelled (but no social media/internet back then). And from what I know and what I am learning there are ways to stop a minor from posting on the internet in an inappropriate way. OUr schools and religious organizations have classes/seminars now on just those topics and we plan to educate ourselves when he does get a device (likely in middle school, for safety purposes). Will it work? Who knows. But we will know we tried and educated him in safe practices and erred on the side of keeping him off social media.

  9. #18
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    I know a few parents who did this in the beginning, but as they got a bit older with school activities and fun things, they posted on their own.

    Just try to see it from their point of view. They are beaming and proud of the littlest addition.

    Human trafficking is huge in my area, but I find they work as a team at stores like Target to scout for victims. They aren't looking at infants on private accounts. And technology is unable to use face recognition on infants, even with repeated tags. It is more available when they get older, but you would need a constant stream of tagging the parent.

    With FB, you can lock down your photos, so they cannot be shared. Instagram, I would avoid it. With emailed photos, very easy to download and save the file, and post on their own.

    I have a crazy MIL (I mean unstable), who has meltdowns over pics, but zero issues with posted pics. My buddy who has a crazy MIL too, she, her hubby, and invited people are in a private FB group, so they only share photos with whomever's been invited to the group, and no photos can be shared.

    I also find that some moms who feel out of control, tend to hook onto something to make them feel in control. I think if you and hubby and find a compromise, you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed about the photos. Your inlaws don't get to see your kid on the regular. It's just really exciting and a wonderful feeling. Just remember this. I know parenting and keeping kids alive is hard, but there has to be something you can compromise on. I just feel that you find your hubs doesn't also have your back, and that can be aggravating this scenario even more so.
    Last edited by tattoobunnie; 12-27-2018 at 02:24 PM.

  10. #19
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    I think the inlaws can be excited about their grandchild and not post on social media. They can send the photos by email to their loved ones and friends (which I assume would be ok with the OP). My inlaws were over the moon about our son -their only grandchild!! - and we sent them photos all the time (no computer) - I mean all the time. They ate it up, they gushed to their friends on the phone, in person, at their local coffee shop -shouted from the rooftops. It doesn't need to be expressed on social media to be genuine and over the top gushy.

  11. #20
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    Snny...could the bigger issue be that your husband continues to side with his parents against you? And he refuses to have any conversations with them that he thinks could result in them being unhappy with him?

    Do you feel he prioritizes his parents' feelings and wishes over yours on a regular basis?

    Side note, one time I "tagged" one of my kids in a photo when we had gone out to dinner. My (late teens) child was furious! And very strongly asked me to never, ever do that again. And I didn't. Not all young people want their lives plastered all over social media.

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