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Thread: Chapter 3 my life with my gentle giant

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Chapter 3 my life with my gentle giant

    Brief summary, months 0-8 him living with housemates, me with my mum and brother.
    8-2years (4 days shy) living together in a rented property two hours away from both our families.
    Chapter 3 third year of our relationship. Up until now we've had no real challenges, obviously getting to know each other living together and such, but it was all a very smooth transition. Now we're living with his family, mum, dad, big brother (weekends). He comes from a large family and used to spending a lot of time together. I had my mum and brother, not used to spending much time together. I also do not get along with my brother.

    So, currently in transition, getting used to living with his family. I'm struggling, hugely, days of severe depression, etc. I have health issues, and a newly acquired one. Do health issues, constant ear infections, no cure. A mild heart condition which is unable to be diagnosed, although might need more investigation, must contact the hospital to change address. Constantly tired need to rest a lot, worse when I'm trying to follow conversation, I have hearing aids but they only help in one on one situations, struggle to distinguish sounds etc. And now I screwed my back up during the move and made it worse at work.
    I work 2 hours away at present near where my mum lives so I stay there two nights a week, which means I get to see my cats. My brother kicks off about every little thing and winds my cats up, luckily one if them stand up for himself and bit my brother..

    One issue I bought up in a thread for advice was hair washing, well so far so good I'm not a disgusting filthy animal like some suggested (maybe an over exaggeration, I'm feeling crappy).

    My partner has no idea how hard I'm finding it living with his family, not that I don't get along with them, but I an used to having my own space, doing things in my own time, being able to wash my clothes and hang them m up with no worries. There's no slave here in our room to hang washing and I can't keep taking clothes to my mum's to wash, she can barely afford her electric bills (brother doesn't work and she has to go to my grandma four hours away every 3 weeks so struggles with steady income). My partner and I have very conflicting sleep patterns, me early to bed early to rise,I hate it and try to change it but no matter what time I go to bed in awake from 5am, he's late to bed and later to rise. We only have our room so I keep him awake once I wake up, he said why don't I just go downstairs, but I don't feel overly comfortable being around while his parents are getting up and ready for the day.

    I have contemplated just moving back to mum, but my brother makes me so angry and I get extremely depressed and suicidal living there. Plus it would put more strain on our relationship.

    I wish my partner had listened to me and got a better job long ago instead of us ending up in this situation and me having to give up a job that could have been ideal for me, I'll never know I was never able to start. I think I might be getting a little resentful, I want to be able to communicate clearly with my partner, but he's happy, this is his childhood home,a life he's known and lived and knows how to live with his family etc.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Talk to your mother about it.
    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    I have contemplated just moving back to mum.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Talk to your mother about it.
    I can't live with my brother who also lives there. My mother would be not than happy for me to.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    So my partner and I had a chat earlier, and have decided that living separately would damage our relationship too much to be worth it. We communicate everything we are feeling it takes a bit of time for him to appreciate how I feel in this situation but we're going to make it through this together.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Struggling today. I hate feeling like I have no place that's mine. No space for me. Depression keeps coming in waves. We have a plan sort of. See mortgage brokers next month and see if us buying our own place is a viable option, partner is going to learn a few more coding languages to aid his search for a decent job and then I can look for work in that area. Just gotta get through the next few months, and it's a lot harder than I was expecting. We moved in with his family cause he was getting depressed about not being to do anything fun, we covered our bills that's it. And now I get the depression. He doesn't get it.

  7. #6
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    Hi Butterfly xxxx

    Sorry to hear of your troubles and I know from all the years I have known you that your ears are BAD ...It is so expensive in the UK isn't it ...wow , you should see the prices here just to rent a room in a shared house ...these landlords need stopping in my mind ..they are exploiting a dire situation here . I see them all on the selling sites on facebook .
    You are a bit stuck right now and I imagine that is adding to your depression ...I undestand you both can't afford it right now , you can't go to your mums cos of your brother , you are feeling overwhelmed there and you don't want to live apart . There is no room for any give in any direction and that just makes a person feel helpless .

    I haven't got a solution except to hang on for that better day ..it always comes in the end my darling xx I just wanted to write to send you some love <3

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Thank you pippy! I hope you're well and had a lovely Christmas. Xxx

    I'm feeling better today, just going to be a long process getting used to this.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    Thank you pippy! I hope you're well and had a lovely Christmas. Xxx

    I'm feeling better today, just going to be a long process getting used to this.
    Yes thanks darling , me and ems had a fab time xxxx

    so glad to hear today is a better day <3 you xxxxx

  10. #9
    Gold Member mines's Avatar
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    I'm sorry to hear about your struggles Butterfly. Your situation sounds hugely difficult, I understand as I'm very accustomed to having my own space, and it's so hard to live with other people. I just returned from visiting my mom and she is awesome, but I can't imagine living at home again, yikes! I'm fine living with my daughters, but anyone else, I struggle to think how I'd manage it. You do get used to having your own space, and privacy, and there's no pressure.

    That said, you do know it's only temporary, and while it's sooooo hard to look past the present moment especially if it's a hard time - and see the future - and it also seems contrary to the preaching about always "living in the moment" (sometimes we don't like the present moment!) there is something to finding acceptance of the present while working towards a better future. This is your "now", but it's not your "always".

    I like that you and your bf are taking real and positive steps toward improving your future together - I'm sending positive energy/vibes for you both as you ride the difficult waves that will lead you toward a brighter future. ((hugs))

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    Thank you pippy and mines ☺

    Things are still up and down but slowly settling into a routine, partner has applied for a lot of jobs within 2 hours of where we currently live do hopefully he'll star getting interviews next week his current position comes to a complete end at the end of the month. My health isn't getting any better so gotta chase that up soon, can't far am allotment next week now due to work but I'll sort something out.

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