Please help

Two years ago I met an amazing woman who happened to be married, we worked on a couple of work projects together and became close friends but I always had feelings for her from the day I met her. A year ago she revealed she was being sexually and

psychologically abused by a male friend was in a terrible place, she hadn't told her husband because he wouldn't have understood and had rarely given her any emotional support throughput her marriage, they just weren't compatible.

I helped her get away from the abusive person and the police were involved, during our friendship she revealed she had feelings for me and after the stuff involving the abusive person were dealt with we decided to try and make a go of it. She left her husband for me but didn't tell him she was seeing anyone, he was horrible to her and when she tried to get a place to live he blocked her from doing so to try to force her to go back and turned her family against her, there were other things too but that's for another time.

We've been in a relationship for a year now and there's a massive problem that's tearing us apart, her husband keeps texting her and just won't give up. Every time he texts her anxiety goes through the roof and it upsets her, he's texting up to seven times a day at the moment which she doesn't reply to, she just refuses to tell him to back off and leave her alone.

I'm convinced she leaving the door open to go back to him and it's really upsetting me so much, I've begged her to do something and deal with it and tell him to leave her alone but she always refuses, she just says it's too hard to deal with and she can't handle it and it won't be forever, but if he's not getting the message by her not replying and she's not doing anything how can it not go on forever?

I just don't know what to do anymore, should I stay or go? I don't want this to go on forever and I can't be on a relationship with all that going on. She says she can't live without me but her actions say the opposite.

Please help.

If she's not answering him anyway, why doesn't she just block him so his texts don't come through to her?

Wow it sounds like this woman has been through a lot of abuse. And you've witnessed it all firsthand so you know it's all real. I cannot imagine being in a situation where I needed to get the police involved due to a sexually abusive male friend. Nor can I imagine an ex-husband trying to block me from getting a place to live. This sounds absolutely horrible and very traumatic and I'm a tough woman myself.

I can understand how what's happening is bothering you but I can also understand her fear. Would she be willing to block him? Is it possible for you to talk to someone who is an expert on survivors of abuse so you can understand what she's going through? I seriously doubt that she is leaving the door open for this guy, if every text she gets sends her anxiety through the roof and upsets her. No woman responds with anxiety and upset to every text from someone she wants to reconcile with!! I'm afraid that your jealousy will lead you to leave her, which will cause her to go back because she thinks she can't live alone.

Is she still married to him?

Is her divorce finial or not even started? Is she living with you? It sounds like an affair and she is taking a break from her marriage but not ending it.

T She left her husband for me but didn't tell him she was seeing anyone. her husband keeps texting her and just won't give up.

She left her husband for me

I made it a rule not to get involved with people who leave people for other people. As bad as he was, leaving someone for someone else is a bad idea on many levels. One thing that should be obvious, is she's capable of leaving someone for someone else, including you.

She says she can't live without me but her actions say the opposite.

This is all you need to consider.

The poor woman has been through a lot. Unfortunately she's probably damaged goods. It's noble to try and be there for her. But it's probably a bad idea. When you rescue a damsel in distress, you just end up with a distressed damsel.

I’m sure she’s a wonderful person but it seems like she’s been through a lot. Who was this other man who was abusing her while she was married? Why was she around that other person? She seems like she has too much going on; she doesn’t need a boyfriend, she needs a friend. I think you should back off a bit and just be her friend.

Seems like her way of dealing with an abusive marriage is to have affairs.

Not a great solution IMO.

So she was involved with some "male Friend" her husband knew nothing about. Sounds like a boyfriend that she wouldn't totally end things with. Then you come along and save her but you are now the secret other guy in her life.

This is a huge mess you need to get out of right away. Tell her to divorce her husband and after it has been final for at least 6 months to give you a call and maybe you can try again.

Seems to me she is getting something out of all this drama and attention and you are just the newest player on the board.

I am not sure where you get the right to be upset that she will not block her husband when you are the guy helping her cheat on the guy.

Time to rethink the whole affair.

Lost

So she was involved with some "male Friend" her husband knew nothing about. Sounds like a boyfriend that she wouldn't totally end things with. Then you come along and save her but you are now the secret other guy in her life.

 

This is a huge mess you need to get out of right away. Tell her to divorce her husband and after it has been final for at least 6 months to give you a call and maybe you can try again.

 

Seems to me she is getting something out of all this drama and attention and you are just the newest player on the board.

 

I am not sure where you get the right to be upset that she will not block her husband when you are the guy helping her cheat on the guy.

 

Time to rethink the whole affair.

 

Lost

I think you hit the nail on the head there... I was trying to figure out where that other abusive guy came from.

A year ago she revealed she was being sexually and psychologically abused by a male friend was in a terrible place, she hadn't told her husband because he wouldn't have understood

 

I helped her get away from the abusive person and the police were involved,.

So, was she having an affair? Who is this other person in her life? I don't think it would be too surprising if the husband didn't understand (if she was messing around behind his back). What is the full background story of this other guy? It would help to have the full context.

The police were involved? How did this happen without the husband's knowledge? I find that very difficult to believe - how did did all come about? Again, some context please.