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Thread: My girlfriend blocked me on Christmas

  1. #1
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    My girlfriend blocked me on Christmas

    Itís a very new relationship (met in June, started dating September, become official October) but itís a very intense relationship. Sheís got 2 great kids (9 and 6) that I get along with wonderfully and sheís pretty great as well. The four of us always have a great time together, the only real issue I have is with the ex husband. Theyíve been divorced 5 years and heís got a new wife. I donít appreciate how involved he is in her life. I get they need to get along for the kids, but I just feel certain things arenít appropriate since they arenít together like this thing weíre now fighting over (if you can call it that?)

    The kids are with her for Christmas, so we were going to open gifts and have a nice dinner at home just the 4 of us. He thought it would be cool if him and his wife came over to give the kids their gifts and have dinner. MIND YOU: my girlfriend didnít intrude on their Christmas last year (they had the kids). She told him sheíd think about it, but I know her well enough to know that she was going to give. I donít think itís fair to our relationship (or the kids) to create this dynamic that theyíre all still a family when in reality theyíre not. I took upon myself to tell him he and his wife were not welcome here today but they would see the kids tomorrow (the day he was supposed to come get him) and we get into it over the phone. He runs back and tells my girlfriend she gets mad at me saying I donít get to make parenting decisions and that she didnít want to see either of us on Christmas so I left the house like 2 days ago.

    Iíve been texting her since and have received a lot of one word answers until today (pretty sure she blocked me) but I can see on social media that him and his wife are over her house. I just donít understand how she can go back on what she said about seeing me and then act all honky dory with her ex. Iíve tried calling her house, and the little one picked up the phone. We were talking but then she (or somebody) hung it up when they realized it was me. I donít know what to do from here.

  2. #2
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    Okay Iím going to be blunt,

    First sheís right you have no business telling her ex who is the father of her children what he can and canít do when it
    Comes to she and him. Stay out of their business, I think itís a good sign she is in such good terms with him and they can still function as a family in a capacity that makes everyone happy. You are new to the picture and so you taking that initiative to disinvite him was out of place. In fact it makes you look controlling.

    Second, stop calling! Youíre making yourself look like a fool!

    Just leave her be. If she blocked you then deal.

    Yes itís harsh my advice but you really need to not overstep boundaries that were placed way before you got there.

    If she contacts I think you should apologize.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I think given that it was a new relationship, it was inappropriate for you to dictate to the ex-husband not to come over. She is clearly angry over you crossing that boundary.

    You don't have to put up with this situation if you feel it's inappropriate. The difference is that you can't dictate the situation given that you're a new boyfriend. You can only wash your hands off it and walk away.

  4. #4
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    In September you posted asking advice on how to get your engaged ex back. You were dating this woman at the same time you were trying to find a way to get your ex to break her engagement and come back to you? Does this woman know you were trying to get back with your ex either while or just before you were dating her?

    At any rate, yes, what you did was wrong. You didn't just step over a line, you bulldozed right through it behind her back. You need to understand what is best for her kids takes priority, not a man she just started dating a couple of months ago.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Dude werenít you wanting to stop your exes wedding because you knew she was making a mistake like 2 months ago?

    Iím sensing a pattern of you attempting to control and women heading for the hills once they recognize it.

    Time to be single and deal with your baggage.

    P.S. Sheís right. Any sane person wouldnít introduce and have Christmas dinner with a dude sheís been with 16 minutes so, she was slow to the punch but she recognized how wrong everything was and presumably made the right choice. How dare you stand in the way of HER children spending Christmas with their father.

  7. #6
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    Yes, my girlfriend and I started dating around the time my ex was getting married. She knew about that situation as weíve been friends since June and was even advising me about that prior to us dating. When we started going out, it was very casual (we were both seeing other people) and it only got serious in October. I decided to get serious with her in part because we get along so great and I knew deep down that situation with my ex was dead. And I really care about her kids who Iíve been around the whole time Iíve known her.

    Itís not about control but boundaries I feel her ex lacks. He calls her everyday when the kids are with us and always wants us to do stuff with the kids together, like my girlfriend and I canít have our time with the kids alone but him and his wife can? That just seems really bogus to me.

  8. #7
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    Well, apparently she doesn't think it's "bogus".

    And it's interesting you mention boundaries when you smashed through a big one behind her back.

    I think she realized she jumped in before she really thought about it. And now she's backing off.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by GordonSEyez

    Itís not about control but boundaries I feel her ex lacks. He calls her everyday when the kids are with us and always wants us to do stuff with the kids together, like my girlfriend and I canít have our time with the kids alone but him and his wife can? That just seems really bogus to me.
    Gordon the only person who lacked boundaries in this situation is you.

    The way they choose to coparent is up to them.

    Hes not calling her late at night to discuss their feelings or even taking the kids and going on outing like a family, which would still be borderline at best, theyre wanting to celebrate Christmas, with you included, instead of looking at it as a privilege, because thats honestly what it was, you were allowed into an intimate family gathering, instead of being happy, you allowed what is either an issue with control or insecurity to run the show. you took control of a situation you had no control over and did so behind your partners back, after a few months of dating.

    Look, unless you walked in on them humping under the Christmas tree, there's literally no way you're going to make what you did ok. You're best bet is to own it and apologize. You may very well have lost her though.

  10. #9
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    You should not even have met the kids this early, much less dictating whether or not the father of the kids has the right to come over. Only the mother of the children should be speaking to him.
    You are unbelievable! Who do you think you are!

    I would have blocked you, too!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member sara-pezzini's Avatar
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    Having just read your other thread where you wanted to reconnect with your ex even when she got married, you still hoped to contact her later even if her husband wouldn't like that, i think here is a little taste of karma!!

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