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Thread: My ex left me for someone else/I deserved it

  1. #1
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    My ex left me for someone else/I deserved it

    Me male(22) and my ex female (21) broke up two months ago after dating for 2.9 years. Through your our relationship I emotionally abused her and gaslighted her feelings. Around this 1.5 year mark I lost my job and the stress of it made it really hard to deal with my emotions in an adult manner. I began to take out my anger on my ex and get upset about the littlest things. Around a year ago I got a new job where I couldnít see her as much yet my abusive manipulative tendencies remained.

    Around this time I started to lose compassion for her it seems. Like her feelings didnít matter and that only mine did. For a while I thought of breaking up with her even tho she was great. Me saying all this I realize how horrible I am but only until she left me did I realize how much of a pos I am. She also found in my phone pics of an ex that made her loss her trust for me. Yeah bad right.? Me saying all this Iím wondering why am I even writing this. I have no chance and I donít even deserve to ever be forgiven and itís true I dont.

    Fast forward to September of 2018 I take her on a cruise to the carribean for a week. It almost resurrected my feelings for her and we became so close during it. After we got back it sort of went back to the norm of me being a child and her just wanting respect and being cared for. A week before she left me she was talking about she wanted me to marry her and that she was ready for the next step. I didnít tell her I was but I already had planned to ask her to marry me two weeks later on what was suppose to be our next vacation together. Never happened because she left me.

    I was away from home in another state working when I had a suspicion she was talking to someone. So I sorta threatened her and 2 hours later she texted me saying she was done. I called her and she said she was done with everything and she didnít love me anymore. I was shocked and I immediately began to beg. She wasnít having it tho she was so mad at me and began to bring up things that happen years before, things that I have forgot.

    A week past and I called her to try to talk things out. She admitted that a guy that was her friend and her started dating the same day she broke up with me. Apparently he was there in the picture the entire time. She told me that he was the ďoneĒ and her ďbest friendĒ. She said she went to him with our problems and he made her feel good..

    Fast forward to now 2 months later. Iím in 10 days no contact. She told me she didnít love me anymore and that they moved in with each other a week after dating. She took our dog and refused to give me my car title in my name. She says she hopes I find a girl someday and that Iím happy. It kills me because I do love her. Itís almost like Iím upset and I feel betrayed but at the same time I feel so guilty about how I treated her. I want her to be happy even tho it makes me miserable. Iím sure I deserve this feeling tho. Not a second goes by where Iím not thinking of her.

    A bit of back story on myself. Iím 22 year old truck driver. I was emotionally and physically abused for most of my child hood. Was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 14. Was sent to live with my dad when I was 6 and I didnít even know him after he won a custody battle. He abused me for years until I left home to be back with my mom when I was 14. I never knew how to act in relationships itís almost like I remained an immature child needing affection but not wanting to give it. I know it sounds dumb but only when she left me did I realize all the problems I had. I never realized how I was abusive, a gas lighter, needing for affection and selfish.

    I began therapy a week after the breakup and do daily therapy to get help with my personal/relationship issues. So far I realized that I learned this behavior from my father and that my anger/anxiety is linked to each other. I refuse to be in another relationship until Iíve fully changed my attitude toward women and relationships.

    She was a great girl, very sweet and loving. She stood by me threw my tuffest times. Without her Iím sure I wouldnít be in the position of success I am today. Sheís happy and living life with her new love of her life. Iím alone very upset missing her and the future we wouldíve had. I know she doesnít even think positively about me or think about me at all now. I messed it up and I deserved it. She will be the one that got away and the one that made me change. She will always have a special place in my heart and I truly hope she gets everything I couldnít give her.

    Just a little story I guess. I know Iíll never see or hear from her again. Iíve never felt so much pain in my entire life. Make sure you realize what you have before you lose it. Once itís gone itís gone. Iím gonna change itís my only goal to become the best man I can be for me and my future relationships. I will never do this again.

    -ABO

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    Also merry Christmas to everyone. Tomorrow would be me and my exes 3 year anniversary. So I got a little bit of hard times coming up. I miss her so much itís crazy.

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    I am sorry for your past. I am glad you realize now that your past affects your present and future. Concentrate on becoming the best person you can be and then look for a relationship. Right now you are not ready.

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    Thank you and I am. I got a lot of work I have to do. Iím hoping with time I can forgive myself.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Merry Christmas back to you.

    I'm sorry for your past, and for the pain of this breakup.

    For what it's worth, I think your level of reflection and awareness is pretty outstanding. Few people your age have this level of awareness of what they need to work on. I know how hard it is when those realizations are prompted by a lossóbeen there myself, plentyóbut really consider it a gift and lean into these lessons while letting go. You're shedding a husk that doesn't serve you.

    And, also, make sure to go easy on yourself. For everything we can pick apart inside ourselvesóand I do this like a champóthe fact is that sometimes two people just don't work. Or work for a bit, and then stop working. People grow and outgrow each other and, often, there's some drama and disconnect and ugly behavior that comes along with those growing pains.

    Best of luck on this journey.

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    Thank you for your wise words. A lot of people would say that this if life. You make mistakes and you lose people you care for. Iíll post updates on how Iím feeling for anyone else going through a similar situation. I think the road to getting over this breakup is going to be a long one. That fear of never seeing her again drives me crazy but thatís something thatíll get better in time I hope.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    It very much is life, indeed.

    I've been in your shoes more than onceófrom childhood abuse to loves lost in part because my own demons hadn't been dealt with. Hard as it is, I can look back on periods like the one you're in with so much gratitude for the lessons.

    Yeah, in the ideal world we don't have to lose the people who help guide us to our softer, truer, more authentic selves. But the world is rarely ideal, and the beauty of all human connections is in their fragility. Getting to that authentic place, whatever wounds come along the way, is where peace is, and where eventually we become able to learn alongside someone rather than in the wake of them.

    Still working on getting there myself, and I've got 17 years on you. But it's an awesome journey, full or magic and rewards.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You have tremendous insight. And that is a gift.
    Originally Posted by Austino96
    Also merry Christmas to everyone. Tomorrow would be me and my exes 3 year anniversary. So I got a little bit of hard times coming up. I miss her so much itís crazy.

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    Your view on life is very refreshing. It did make me cry because itís true. Losing the ones you cared about in order to become a better person almost like it was meant to be.

    I sit here now thinking of my future life and I have no idea what to do. The uncertainty now that I have absolutely scares me. I think of her not in it and it tears me down. In a way it seems I relied on that certainty and not my own two feet. I guess really thatís what self confidence is, to trust in yourself to make your own choices.

    Still I search for her place in my life even tho sheís no longer in it. My heart truly aches and I feel as if Iíll never have someone as wonderful as her. That being said the point is I need to move on not with someone else but by myself then maybe someday I hope I can find someone else to walk alongside as you described.

    Thank you so much.

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    Thank you. Itís only now that I have it.
    I guess a gift that I received from losing someone.

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