I slept with my ex boyfriends best friend

Okay so a little bit of background incase you haven’t read any of my previous threads, thanks ;)

So me and my now ex boyfriend broke up about 8 months ago now, we were together for 2 years and we were pretty serious. We still talked and tried to work things out until about 3 months ago when I found out he has a new girlfriend, it was quite sudden as I asked him frequently if anything is happening between them and he always denied until SHE texted me to leave him alone. Long story, we have eachother blocked on everything and haven’t been in touch and I’m feeling really good finally.

Anyway, I was always very close with his Male friends, there’s about 7 of them and they’re all really close, up until now when I see them in a club or in the town they always come up and talk to me even if they’re with him (he stays away) and basically always end up staying with me and my friends all night.

But there was this one specific friend of his that I always got along better with, but it was always platonic only and never flirtatious or anything just got along really well as friends. Let’s name him Kevin.

Anyway, Kevin moved to a different city for university a year ago which is about an hour away on the plane. It so happened I moved to that same city for university this year aswell (completely unintentional, it’s just a popular university to go to from where I live)

We haven’t really talked much since I moved to uni, despite being in the same city. Up until when we both came home for Christmas. We got back on the same day, I went out with my friends to a party and he went out with all them and my ex etc. It’s a popular club where I live especially after all the university students come back so it wasn’t unusual that we would run into eachother. So I started talking to Kevin and that whole crew (my ex stayed out of it and was with his gf somewhere) anyway me and Kevin started getting very close again and started planning nights out when we go back to uni and dancing etc. All of us got really drunk.

When the club closed, him and a few of the friends asked me and my friends if we wanted to go back to Kevins so Ofcourse we agreed. We went up and had a few more drinks, next thing you know I’m having sex with Kevin. At that moment I didn’t regret anything. Keeping in mind that out of all of them, Kevin was my ex”s best friend.

After a while my friends told me we’re all going home, so I agreed.

I woke up the next morning to a few texts from him, just asking if I got home ok etc. And we carried on talking ever since, kind of casual I guess I’m not even sure? Hahah

i was thinking we’ll just stay friends only now and that it was just a one time thing...until he asked me last night if I can pick him up after a party so I agreed. I picked him up, we got food and drove around for a bit till we parked to eat our food. It was grand, just talking away and having a laugh etc (except he kept putting his hand on my thigh like when he laughed and stuff?!)

Anyway, as we were parked and just done eating he went in to kiss me and things got super heated and we ended up having sex again. I don’t know why I keep doing thing, I feel like I shouldn’t since he’s my ex’s best friend. But something about it makes me feel so good. And I feel like I’m over my ex, but since they’re best friends it makes me feel comfortable kind of being in the same zone, I don’t know how to explain it ☹️

It’s like I’m familiar with it all even though we’re just hooking up, it still makes me feel like I don’t need to start anything new or unfamiliar just yet, especially since I hate change.

So anyway, I asked him if he told my ex. He said that he doesn’t want to tell him yet, but that he’s planning to once him and his current gf get more serious. Now my ex is a very impulsive person, and god knows what will happen when he finds out.

So I guess my question is, should we tell him? I think he’s still planning to hang out and hook up sometimes, but mostly just get close as he said he missed me as a friend. What do you think we should do, tell him now, tell him later or not at all and just keep it between us? It would be slightly hard as some of our friends already know as they figured it out when we went to his house.

Any advice would be great, thanks so much guys.

Im going through the same SITUATION. Cant wait to hear the answers to this lol

You guys were the past, do not think about old boy friend, if your new boy friend made your day better, love him. Do not think more baby

What's this "should we tell him" about? You've got no relations with your ex. Whether he finds out or not is at his "best friend's" discretion. And don't ask him whether he's told your ex. It's awkward and, especially at this point, not your business.

Bang who you like. Persinally, I like the idea of a dating pool rather than a dating puddle, but it's your life. Tread in as murky of waters as you'd prefer.

Enjoy your freedom. Keep your sex life to yourself. And ask the guy you're hooking up with to be a gentleman not a blabbermouth. Keep your ex out of the picture. Block and delete him and his gf from all your social media.

Hopefully this is just for fun hookups and not some sort of revenge sex you hope will get back to your ex in the hopes that that will change his mind about things such as cheating on his gf to hookup with you or leaving his gf to get back with you.

Sadly it sounds like you are still hung up on him even though he clearly has moved on..BTW... pretty crappy of this friends of yours and best friend of your ex to engage in sex with you when you were that drunk. He's not your "friend". he just looked for s very very easy target: Drunk and dumped.

I asked him if he told my ex. He said that he doesn’t want to tell him yet, but that he’s planning to once him and his current gf get more serious.

So I guess my question is, should we tell him? I think he’s still planning to hang out and hook up sometimes, but mostly just get close as he said he missed me as a friend.

You and your ex are a thing of the past. He has no business knowing anything about your sex life, or vice versa. It seems that the sex with your new guy is better because you dont turn down his advances.

If you know that you may want another chance with your ex later, he doesnt need to know about what's happening with you and his best friend. Even if that's not the case, it's still not his business.

I dont love nor hate my ex. Two of his so called best friends(Rick and Roosevelt) tried their best to sleep with me. I ignored them both. My ex had been talking badly to them about me after our breakup-- and that simply made them much more curious about me and what kind of sex I had to have him so bitter--especially when he was seeing someone new before we broke up.

I wouldn't recommend sleeping with an exes friend or acquaintance- it's like breaking the code. I dont want my ex back at ALL and I still couldnt do that to him. Besides, it will eventually get back to your ex when you and this new guy get on bad terms. Right now, he really likes you and the sex- so he going to be quiet as a church mouse for the time being. Just do you and have fun- just dont expect to ever get your other ex back later on-- if he finds out, he may be done with both of yall and wonder if you secretly liked his best friend when yall were still together. If that's not a concern, then theres no problem.

Tell him if you're a fan of drama. Also sex doesn't just "happen" -you chose to have sex with him. You cannot control what your sex partner tells your ex but I would not be any part of it.

I don’t think his intention is to be a blabbernouth but rather just telling him out of respect, cause chances are he’ll find out eventually anyway so it would be better to find out from him :)

It’s not for revenge as I definitely never planned this nor do I care if my ex finds out or not, I just simply enjoy the time with this boy and it just sucks that it happens to be his best friend but also makes it kind of thrilling I guess.

I think I am over him, but I’m not over the person he was. He changed a lot since we broke up, became very cold and it wasn’t just me that noticed. If anything, I miss the person he was but even if he asked I would not take him back, he’s just simply not the person I loved anymore :)

Also, he was very drunk and he was being respectful and asked if it’s okay so despite being drunk he was still good.

Thanks for the advice though :)

You’re clearly not over him. If you were, this wouldn’t be thrilling and you wouldn’t want to tell him.

No reason to tell him. Keep it quiet and do your own thing. If he finds out, it doesn’t matter - he has no claim on what you do or with who.

I would refrain right now. You two are not dating; you’ve just hooked up a couple times. I would leave it up to this Kevin guy to tell him if and when he chooses.

Personally, I think you’re both playing with fire but it’s more likely that you will be the one who gets the most badly burnt in the end, even if that isn’t entirely fair.

I’ve seen these things happen before, and it’s usually the ex (you, in this case) who winds up getting shunned from the whole group when the truth comes out. It’s a bit of fun now but I have a feeling that, if put to the test, Kevin’s loyalty will not lie with you.

Tip 1: never discuss your current sex life with your past sex life.

Tip 2: don't have overlapping sex lives.

You’re clearly not over him. If you were, this wouldn’t be thrilling and you wouldn’t want to tell him.

 

No reason to tell him. Keep it quiet and do your own thing. If he finds out, it doesn’t matter - he has no claim on what you do or with who.

As I said in a previous reply, I’m over him but I still miss the person he was. He changed completely and became a very different person and not someone I would associate with anymore. Obviously he was a huge part of my life, he hurt me a lot... but I wouldn’t want him back. And as I said, the only reason to tell him would be Kevin wanting for him to find out from him and not someone else.

As I said in a previous reply, I’m over him but I still miss the person he was. He changed completely and became a very different person and not someone I would associate with anymore. Obviously he was a huge part of my life, he hurt me a lot... but I wouldn’t want him back. And as I said, the only reason to tell him would be Kevin wanting for him to find out from him and not someone else.

So if thats the case, as other posters opined, what is it with "should we tell him" you're no longer a part of his life. This is completely between Kevin and your ex, if this is considered a betrayal its Kevin who will have to navigate that, not you.

I would refrain right now. You two are not dating; you’ve just hooked up a couple times. I would leave it up to this Kevin guy to tell him if and when he chooses.

 

Personally, I think you’re both playing with fire but it’s more likely that you will be the one who gets the most badly burnt in the end, even if that isn’t entirely fair.

 

I’ve seen these things happen before, and it’s usually the ex (you, in this case) who winds up getting shunned from the whole group when the truth comes out. It’s a bit of fun now but I have a feeling that, if put to the test, Kevin’s loyalty will not lie with you.

Same and unfortunately, if this gets out and gets messy, guess who gets labelled a h*e? Not saying its right, not saying I agree, Im saying this is what college aged kids do when they play hot potatoes with their sexual partners. The risk of you no longer being the 'cool chick' but rather the chick who slept with best friends is definitely there. Im not judging you or saying its right, Im saying Ive been a college aged girl before and Ive seen how these things go.

I would just distance myself and hope all this goes away. Its not worth the drama. and although you swear up and down you're over your ex, if he does feel upset about all this I cant imagine him coming to you and saying anything nice, I know if I put myself in your shoes and your age, something like that would be ripping off any scab I formed over the breakup.

I really think you're playing with fire, and hiding behind the guise of just being a fun loving girl, your reputation is a big thing, its just not a wise game to play.

Ok then keep everything to yourself. If this guy blabs to your ex it's sad and a stab in your back, but it's out of your control. Stay out of your ex's social circle. Why make a spectacle of yourself falling apart, sleeping around etc. for your ex to witness?.

Pull yourself together and pull way way back fro your ex and ALL his people. Make your own friends, find your own dates.

he was a huge part of my life, he hurt me a lot... but I wouldn’t want him back. And as I said, the only reason to tell him would be Kevin wanting for him to find out from him and not someone else.

Ok then keep everything to yourself. If this guy blabs to your ex it's sad and a stab in your back, but it's out of your control. Stay out of your ex's social circle. Why make a spectacle of yourself falling apart, sleeping around etc. for your ex to witness?.

 

Pull yourself together and pull way way back fro your ex and ALL his people. Make your own friends, find your own dates.

Okay I get where you’re coming from, but staying out of that social circle isn’t exactly what I’m looking to do. I knew theee guys way before me and my ex started being together, but it was only when we started dating that we all got super super close. They were like my best friends, unfortunately the contact kind of had to be minimised after we broke up but it wouldn’t be he cool to cut them off completely. They ended up being my friends too.

Okay I get where you’re coming from, but staying out of that social circle isn’t exactly what I’m looking to do. I knew theee guys way before me and my ex started being together, but it was only when we started dating that we all got super super close. They were like my best friends, unfortunately the contact kind of had to be minimised after we broke up but it wouldn’t be he cool to cut them off completely. They ended up being my friends too.

The risk you’re running by sleeping with one who happens to be your ex’s best friend is that you could easily be cut out of that social circle whether you like it or not. It wouldn’t exactly be fair or right, but it’s also very common when someone starts having sex with guys who are friends with each other. It’s unlikely these guys will see your side of things when the truth gets out. You say your friendship with them was affected after your breakup, so prepare yourself for even less contact with them when they hear you are hooking up with their buddy’s “best friend.”

Proceed with caution here, as you don’t appear to really get how this could affect you and not just your ex.

The risk you’re running by sleeping with one who happens to be your ex’s best friend is that you could easily be cut out of that social circle whether you like it or not. It wouldn’t exactly be fair or right, but it’s also very common when someone starts having sex with guys who are friends with each other. It’s unlikely these guys will see your side of things when the truth gets out. You say your friendship with them was affected after your breakup, so prepare yourself for even less contact with them when they hear you are hooking up with their buddy’s “best friend.”

 

 

Proceed with caution here, as you don’t appear to really get how this could affect you and not just your ex.

I asked for opinion on the situation with the friend I slept with and if the ex should find out, nowhere in this do I ask about opinions about my friendship with that group. Some of them already know, and the ones that do frankly honestly don’t care. They’re nice boys and often take care of me, the only reason the contact had to be minimised after the breakup was simply to not make things awkward when we hang out and my ex may be there, not out of taking sides and stuff.

I asked for opinion on the situation with the friend I slept with and if the ex should find out, nowhere in this do I ask about opinions about my friendship with that group. Some of them already know, and the ones that do frankly honestly don’t care. They’re nice boys and often take care of me, the only reason the contact had to be minimised after the breakup was simply to not make things awkward when we hang out and my ex may be there, not out of taking sides and stuff.

And you don’t think sleeping around this group will make things awkward?

And you don’t think sleeping around this group will make things awkward?

As I said most of them already know, and see no problem with it. Hooking up with someone once in a while who you’re friends with is different than being in a relationship with someone for 2 years. If me and him stopped sleeping together, we would still remain friends like we always were. Me and my ex boyfriend didn’t have that option as we decided to part ways completely.

I could be wrong, but after reading between the lines my guess is, this is a ploy to win back your ex by making him jealous, etc, otherwise what's the point in telling him.

In any event, this has the potential to backfire and place you in the category of being a person who sleeps around...No offense.

I slept with my ex's best friend. Apparently when I'd been over visiting my then-boyfriend (they were roommates), the best friend had been imagining what it would be like to have sex with me. He thought I was "hot".

I did it because I was heartbroken and thought maybe my ex would rethink the breakup and not want me hooking up with his best friend/roommate. And the best friend did deliberate things like have sex with me ON THE LIVING ROOM COUCH when my ex was out and was possibly coming home at any minute. He also invited me to spend the entire night so that I would be there in the morning when everyone woke up and went downstairs for breakfast.

I have no idea why my ex's best friend wanted to do that to my ex. Jealousy, competition, who knows. But it was a big, big mistake for me to do that. It was childish and immature. And all I got out of it was a reputation for being a garden implement for sleeping with two guys who lived in the same house.

I would examine your motivations as well as the "best friend's". Why on earth does he want to hook up with his alleged best friend's ex and then tell him about it? Some jealousy or competitiveness going on there. And all you'll get out of it is this friend group gossiping about you behind your back. No matter how friendly you think you all are.

I could be wrong, but after reading between the lines my guess is, this is a ploy to win back your ex by making him jealous, etc, otherwise what's the point in telling him.

 

In any event, this has the potential to backfire and place you in the category of being a person who sleeps around...No offense.

I agree 100%

I asked for opinion on the situation with the friend I slept with and if the ex should find out, nowhere in this do I ask about opinions about my friendship with that group. Some of them already know, and the ones that do frankly honestly don’t care. They’re nice boys and often take care of me, the only reason the contact had to be minimised after the breakup was simply to not make things awkward when we hang out and my ex may be there, not out of taking sides and stuff.

Right, and I answered that. I am adding to that with an opinion; when you post on a public forum, you have to accept that people will respond to different aspects of your post, regardless of whether you asked a specific question on the matter.

My point was that these guys might not care much now, but if your ex finds out - which he probably will - and gets upset about it and starts calling out his "best friend," you are the one likely to be the one painted in a negative light. The very fact that "most of them" even know you two are sleeping together tells me your group is young, tends to overshare and talk about each other. A lot. Who is sharing this information with them? My guess is that it's not you. You have no clue what is being said about you when you're not within earshot, girl, no matter how tolerant or nonchalant you believe everyone is about this. Unfortunately, people can be very two-faced and very judgmental. If you are going to keep having sex with an ex's best friend, assume that it's not going to be without risk for drama. Whether your ex hears it from you or someone else isn't going to make much difference.

I think you are being either willfully naive about this because you don't have a lot of experience with these situations and thus can't see around corners (which is my guess, based on the way you write about this) or you are trying to make your ex jealous.

Do you still want him back?

Ahhh...the classic sleep with my ex’s best friend to get back at him. It’s a story as old as time itself. This usually ends well

Agree. With a world of guys to date/have sex with...it just happens to be the ex's best friend.🙀

Ahhh...the classic sleep with my ex’s best friend to get back at him. It’s a story as old as time itself. This usually ends well