Can’t get into the Christmas spirit

I’m basically just doing this thread to have a big vent because I don’t really feel like I can do it with my family or friends! I’m just not in the Christmassy mood at all this year, I’m actually dreading tomorrow! My dad died very unexpectedly in August and then last week his brother, my uncle died - he’d been very sick with cancer.

I’m a paediatric emergency room nurse and yesterday we got a little 5 month old baby who came in in cardiac arrest and passed away. It was the saddest thing iv experienced since iv started working there and I’m just an absolute mess since.

My brother is home for Christmas with his partner and my little nephew and I’m trying so hard to get into the Christmas spirit for them, but I’m just so sad and disheartened by life at the moment. Life is so incredibly unfair and brutal for so many people

Oh wow, this really touched my heart. I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you so much for the work that you do - sweetie, honestly that's one of the best Christmas presents of all. And you do it all year. You may not be feeling jolly and bright BUT you certainly embody what the Christmas spirit is for me- thinking of others, giving.

It's ok to feel however you feel. I'm glad you won't be alone. Try to take it easy on yourself, and give yourself permission to be exactly where you are right now.

For me, remembering some tough christmas' with loss and sadness, what sticks out is the acts of kindness. Just warmth. And that's what I hope for you. Sending you a big Christmas hug and a cup of tea, if only by imagination.

I’m so sorry to hear this. How terrible about the baby. Since your dad died, and now your uncle, your brother and you have something in common so you can mourn together. Look at this time a time to open up and relive good memories of your dad/family/holiday pasts.

I’m so sorry for your losses. And that you feel you need to do the game face. A friend I originally met on a message board lost her mother last week and she’s been taking care of her dad who is missing his wife of 50 years ! I cannot imagine. I hope that you ended up cutting yourself slack and being present to the extent possible. I just reread my sentence - no pun intended. You are doing your best. I am also so so sorry about the infant. You are a hero to those families that come for help. You do your utmost I am sure. Thank you for all you do.