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Thread: I wish I wasn't mixed race

  1. #1
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    I wish I wasn't mixed race

    I wish I wasnít mixed. Iím 18. Iím black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years.

    Iíve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And itís always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; Iím lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But Iíve just never been comfortable with my ethnicity. Due to a number of factors, really. From experiences with both sides of my parents' families to the way I have interacted with the many new environments I have been exposed to throughout my life. Itís just a culmination of things, really.

    Iíve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. Iím constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look Ė I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I donít get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle.

    As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. Iím a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and Iím so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isnít racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, Iíve never really had a place I can call home Ė a place I can identify with. Maybe sheís right. I donít know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one ďrace.Ē I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasnít mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel.

    How do I grow beyond this?

  2. #2
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    Itís not your fault dear. Friendship isnít always about color. Itís about those who treat you well regardless of skin color or religion. Donít worry about being mixed. I always find mixed race kids to be so intriguing . Embrace that about yourself. Mixed race folks are beautiful

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by earthlingboy
    Iíve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. Iím constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look Ė I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I donít get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle.

    As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. Iím a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and Iím so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isnít racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, Iíve never really had a place I can call home Ė a place I can identify with. Maybe sheís right. I donít know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one ďrace.Ē
    Hey Bud,

    I'm mixed race too. My father a short dark skinned Pacific Island man, my mother a tall blonde white-skinned British woman. Thankfully for me, I grew up in New Zealand. It's a melting pot of different cultures and colours with mixed race kids being very common, so I didn't feel out of place.

    But while this is a little about being mixed race, I think it is more about self acceptance. You being a loner and being withdrawn from society would suggest a depressive, deep thinking nature, a low self esteem and lack of self confidence. And honestly, there is not much you can do about it, you can't cut out your white or dark sides, so that just leaves one option really...ROCK WHO YOU ARE.

    The person with the biggest issue is you, so that is who you need to tackle. Step out there and make people see that you are you and since you accept who you are, they have not other choice, because no matter what anyone else thinks, you are the best damn dark skin, blonde guy out there (even if you aren't blonde anymore).

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    Originally Posted by Keyman
    Hey Bud,

    I'm mixed race too. My father a short dark skinned Pacific Island man, my mother a tall blonde white-skinned British woman. Thankfully for me, I grew up in New Zealand. It's a melting pot of different cultures and colours with mixed race kids being very common, so I didn't feel out of place.

    But while this is a little about being mixed race, I think it is more about self acceptance. You being a loner and being withdrawn from society would suggest a depressive, deep thinking nature, a low self esteem and lack of self confidence. And honestly, there is not much you can do about it, you can't cut out your white or dark sides, so that just leaves one option really...ROCK WHO YOU ARE.

    The person with the biggest issue is you, so that is who you need to tackle. Step out there and make people see that you are you and since you accept who you are, they have not other choice, because no matter what anyone else thinks, you are the best damn dark skin, blonde guy out there (even if you aren't blonde anymore).
    You know, you are absolutely right about me being plagued by low confidence and self esteem. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've moved around so much and I've been accustomed to "starting over." When I was around 11 I didn't really feel there was a point in me putting myself out there due to the fact I would probably leave the place I was in, pretty soon. So I began to become more and more introverted. I think it's a behaviour that I've just gotten accustomed to and find it hard to get out of.

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    Originally Posted by Chocolate25
    Itís not your fault dear. Friendship isnít always about color. Itís about those who treat you well regardless of skin color or religion. Donít worry about being mixed. I always find mixed race kids to be so intriguing . Embrace that about yourself. Mixed race folks are beautiful
    Thank you for your kind words.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by earthlingboy



    As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. Iím a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and Iím so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isnít racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, Iíve never really had a place I can call home Ė a place I can identify with. Maybe sheís right. I donít know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one ďrace.Ē I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasnít mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel.

    How do I grow beyond this?
    I think your friend is right, youíre paying attention to a self diagnosed symptom and not the diesease. I donít know where you live but in America, unless youíre in an incredibly rural area, mixed races are just a regular part of society. I mean this isnít the 1960ís. The shame you feel is within. Why do you look the way you do coming from a child wasnít a put down, kids are genuinely curious. There is a huge responsibility parents have that they often donít realize to teach and instill pride in their children for who they are. A persons identity is a big thing, but with that being said, again I think itís a symptom of a bigger problem. If it makes you feel any better many young adults go through a period of identity crisis and figuring out who they are. You will get through this, you have a climb though. Have you seen anyone professionally.

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    I actually disagree with the girl you had the casual relationship with, a bit.

    I don't think your insecurity is cultural. I think your insecurity is just plain & simple....insecurity. People have insecurities because of their differences for all sorts of reasons: the girl who is taller than even any of the boys in the class, the girl with the reddest hair and face full of freckles. These things don't fit into what we perceive as the societal norm....although thankfully, the "norm" is rapidly changing.

    I completely hear you. It must be difficult to be constantly asked about your ethnicity. Shame on people who ask, quite frankly. It's nobody's beeswax.

    I know we could go on and on about mixed race people who have been quite successful and have gotten over their insecurities about it.....
    Barack Obama - African American father/Caucasian mother
    George Springer - African American father/Caucasian mother. Springer was not only the 2017 World Series MVP, he also grew up with such a major stuttering problem that he was made fun of for that, even more than for his being mixed race. He now does work with kids who stutter. He's also about the cutest baseball player out there. :)
    Halle Berry - African American father/Caucasian mother.

    A friend of mine was in Barack Obama's law class at Harvard. Long before anyone knew the name Obama. He said Obama was this quiet, but stealth student, always on the search for the next "A", always on the search for the best way to interpret the next case. They were in the same study group, and everyone knew he was someone they could rely on. I'm not going to get into a political discussion here; this is about the person. No one ever discussed whether he was black or white....he was just an integral part of their study group, and the professors always called on him when they wanted the most thorough answer.

    Of course, we could go on and on, but the underlying thing is, you will have to deal with your insecurities so they don't overtake you. Have you gone to any sort of counseling?

    Also, not sure where you live, but if you move to a very large city, it would be actually impossible not to find others with whom you identify. I live in one of the largest cities in the U.S., and I can tell you, it's not normal for communities here to not be diverse.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Why is it rude to ask what someoneís origins are?

    Iíve never really understood why itís perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with ďare you from here originally?Ē People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think itís such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

    Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes Iíll ask ďis your last name French?Ē Or whatever.

    Iím not doing it to probe, just because I think itís a fun conversation topic.

    If itís rude then Iíll stop

    And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you donít fit in because of this reason but itís quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, itíll get easier.

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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Why is it rude to ask what someoneís origins are?

    Iíve never really understood why itís perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with ďare you from here originally?Ē People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think itís such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

    Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes Iíll ask ďis your last name French?Ē Or whatever.

    Iím not doing it to probe, just because I think itís a fun conversation topic.

    If itís rude then Iíll stop

    And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you donít fit in because of this reason but itís quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, itíll get easier.
    Asking someone if they're from here originally is simple conversation.

    Asking someone to identify their race, simply from their looks, is rude.

    See the difference?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    I missed where that happen. Skimmed too fast Iím sorry!

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