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Thread: I wish I wasn't mixed race

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    His name is Jordan Fisher. Disney kid, In the play Hamilton, and won Season 25 of Dancing with the Stars. Mixed kid. Blonde hair (color) and cuter than a bugs ear! I loved him! lol

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Realitynut
    My son was bullied terribly in grade school, and all the way up into high school....and he was just a nerdy white kid! But it effected him all his life. (he's now a young nerdy white 30 yr. old) but he's found others that he can relate to.

    Once he got into a college, he found others on the same wavelength as him.

    First, when I was reading your post, I thought, wow, is he articulate. (I have another son who could NEVER spell and now has epilepsy...so issues)
    Then, when you described your features, I thought....GEEZ...he sounds BEAUTIFUL!!! I agree with others, mixed races are so gorgeous!

    Secondly, on not feeling white...or black....who do you most identify with? My youngest son (the one who couldn't spell, and had probs in school) all his friends in high school were kids of mixed race. (white mom, black dad) I think maybe (and I'm just speculating) those with the white moms (dad wasn't in the picture) related more with the white culture rather than with the black...only because the black dad wasn't around. Also with mixed races being so common now....surely you'll find others you can relate to!

    Now being raised in Europe (I've heard) is different than the U.S. as being more accepting of the culturally diverse! So I'm sad to hear you were bullied. Also, you weren't raised in some slovenly slum....but got the experience of trave!!!. YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR YOU, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN!!!

    So ...with all that being said, write down the things you LIKE about yourself. The things you have going for you! LIKE 2 LOVING PARENTS!

    Also You Tube Dancing with the Stars a few season back...wish I could remember his name....he was a young kid of mixed race. He colored his hair blond and he was a STAR STANDOUT! I should find it for you! He was famous and had been in musicals...as a LEAD! But his self-confidence shown thru. I'm going to see if I can find his name, etc.

    But anyway....you have so much going for you. Once you get past this age of "who am I? Where am I going?" stage...and get into college, your life will all come together.

    I promise. Hugs...you sound phenomenal!!!
    I can't say really say I strictly identify with white people or black people to be honest. I tend to identify with people on the same wavelength as me. I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is Indian-American and my ex is Japanese-American. Both people I share a lot f similarities with. Certainly when I was younger I did kinda restrict myself along racial lines - I would try to fit in with white or black people I didn't really share anything in common with. Purely because of DNA. I don't do that anymore. It didn't work out so well when I was younger. I actually tried too hard to fit in with people. I tried to show both white and black kids that I was "one of them."

    When I have visited my dad's side of the family in Africa and my mom's side in Europe, frankly, I've never really identified with either side. I feel like an outsider because I've never spent a sustained amount of time in each of my parents' respective countries. I've been a nomad for pretty much my entire life.

    Growing up in Europe, the vast majority of places were fine but there was a particular two year spell in a certain country... a spell that was bad.

    You know, I think some of that guilt I feel regarding the situation comes from the fact that I have lived a priveleged life. I have gotten to see so many different places, my parents have always provided. My dad grew up extremely poor in his country. He and his family would go hungry on some days and he would walk 4 miles to school and 4 miles back home everyday. And when I think about that and look at the life my father has given me, I feel so much guilt. I've cried before over it cause I feel like have absolutely no right to harbour these feelings. I mean look at his childhood in comparison with mine? But I still feel them.

    Thank you for your kind words. Appreciate them. Will check out the Dancing with the Stars kid. I wish I could dance lol.

  3. #23
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    Just wanna add thank you everyone for your messages and advice. Actually just writing up my feelings has made me feel better. It's amazing how expressing yourself can relieve a bit of pressure, even if it is over a computer screen. Thank you.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by earthlingboy
    I can't say really say I strictly identify with white people or black people to be honest. I tend to identify with people on the same wavelength as me. I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is Indian-American and my ex is Japanese-American. Both people I share a lot f similarities with. Certainly when I was younger I did kinda restrict myself along racial lines - I would try to fit in with white or black people I didn't really share anything in common with. Purely because of DNA. I don't do that anymore. It didn't work out so well when I was younger. I actually tried too hard to fit in with people. I tried to show both white and black kids that I was "one of them."

    When I have visited my dad's side of the family in Africa and my mom's side in Europe, frankly, I've never really identified with either side. I feel like an outsider because I've never spent a sustained amount of time in each of my parents' respective countries. I've been a nomad for pretty much my entire life.

    Growing up in Europe, the vast majority of places were fine but there was a particular two year spell in a certain country... a spell that was bad.

    You know, I think some of that guilt I feel regarding the situation comes from the fact that I have lived a priveleged life. I have gotten to see so many different places, my parents have always provided. My dad grew up extremely poor in his country. He and his family would go hungry on some days and he would walk 4 miles to school and 4 miles back home everyday. And when I think about that and look at the life my father has given me, I feel so much guilt. I've cried before over it cause I feel like have absolutely no right to harbour these feelings. I mean look at his childhood in comparison with mine? But I still feel them.

    Thank you for your kind words. Appreciate them. Will check out the Dancing with the Stars kid. I wish I could dance lol.
    You have every right to harbor whatever feelings you have. They're your feelings! Own them, and feel them, and if you cry because of them, that's ok. It's what makes you, you.

    You sound like a very wise young man, an old soul. You are very appreciative for the parents that you have, but you yearn for that little boy who was hurt by stupidity of others. Shame on those mean people for making you feel that way. You deserve to feel however you feel.

    I do think that a counselor, someone you can open up to, could help. I realize it's so difficult for you to express this in person to someone else, but they will keep it in the strictest of confidence, and help you verbalize it so that it doesn't grip you for the rest of your life.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    You have every right to harbor whatever feelings you have. They're your feelings! Own them, and feel them, and if you cry because of them, that's ok. It's what makes you, you.

    You sound like a very wise young man, an old soul. You are very appreciative for the parents that you have, but you yearn for that little boy who was hurt by stupidity of others. Shame on those mean people for making you feel that way. You deserve to feel however you feel.

    I do think that a counselor, someone you can open up to, could help. I realize it's so difficult for you to express this in person to someone else, but they will keep it in the strictest of confidence, and help you verbalize it so that it doesn't grip you for the rest of your life.
    Yeah, I've been thinking about seeing one. A counsellor I mean. I think I need to cause this stuff eats away at me and really does hold me back. Thanks again for your kind words. People are always saying I'm an old soul lol

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    Good to hear, earthlingboy!! Old souls are the BEST! Hope your Christmas was special! I can tell you're such a great kid.....you will do very well in life! I have faith in you...and soon you will have faith in yourself!
    A new year is coming, and you're growing into being a man!
    Be appreciative of the fact you lived a privileged life! Your mom and dad worked hard to give you what they didn't.

    Own it! Own your beautiful bronzed skin, blue eyes and curly blonde hair!!!! You sound amazing....and you can always take dance lessons!

    Merry Christmas!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by earthlingboy
    I haven't done any counseling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.
    The good news is, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. Since it's already paid, you may want to use the service to help you acclimate. It's there because it's so often needed, so you're in great company.

    Universities are a race and culture mix right off the bat. You may end up feeling more at home there than in any place you've lived before, because you're clear about the duration. Freshman anxiety is typical, and so is hating the first semester. If you know this going in, then you may be pleasantly surprised, or you can approach it through a lens of observation that allows things to fall into shape around you over t.i.m.e.

    Consider making resilience your primary goal to build as a life skill, and scope out people who seem more lonely than you to offer some generosity and possible friendship. Whenever I approach a new situation with an idea of making things better for people around me rather than making it "all about me," I tend to enjoy the experience more. I'm forgiving of clumsy ignorance in others, and this teaches me to be more gentle with my own shortcomings.

    Embracing your own unique beauty, kindness and value will serve as a model for how you'll want others to treat you. Self-hating habits can only be modified by recognizing them and understanding that its up to each of us to overcome those on our own--nobody else can do that FOR us. This starts with shifting the critical default voice we run in our own head to the voice of an inspiring coach. It's a foundational change that will serve you for the rest of your life.

    Consider a choice to be proud of who you are as an honor to your parents and to everyone around you. Anything less drills a hole to climb out of, so why not just make the ascent, instead? Your perspective from higher ground is one you cannot fathom until you're willing to go there.

    Head high.

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