I wish I wasn't mixed race

I wish I wasn’t mixed. I’m 18. I’m black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years.

 

I’ve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And it’s always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; I’m lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But I’ve just never been comfortable with my ethnicity. Due to a number of factors, really. From experiences with both sides of my parents' families to the way I have interacted with the many new environments I have been exposed to throughout my life. It’s just a culmination of things, really.

 

I’ve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. I’m constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look – I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I don’t get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle.

 

As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. I’m a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and I’m so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isn’t racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, I’ve never really had a place I can call home – a place I can identify with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one “race.” I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasn’t mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel.

 

How do I grow beyond this?

It’s not your fault dear. Friendship isn’t always about color. It’s about those who treat you well regardless of skin color or religion. Don’t worry about being mixed. I always find mixed race kids to be so intriguing . Embrace that about yourself. Mixed race folks are beautiful

I’ve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. I’m constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look – I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I don’t get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle.

 

As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. I’m a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and I’m so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isn’t racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, I’ve never really had a place I can call home – a place I can identify with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one “race.”

 

Hey Bud,

 

I'm mixed race too. My father a short dark skinned Pacific Island man, my mother a tall blonde white-skinned British woman. Thankfully for me, I grew up in New Zealand. It's a melting pot of different cultures and colours with mixed race kids being very common, so I didn't feel out of place.

 

But while this is a little about being mixed race, I think it is more about self acceptance. You being a loner and being withdrawn from society would suggest a depressive, deep thinking nature, a low self esteem and lack of self confidence. And honestly, there is not much you can do about it, you can't cut out your white or dark sides, so that just leaves one option really...ROCK WHO YOU ARE.

 

The person with the biggest issue is you, so that is who you need to tackle. Step out there and make people see that you are you and since you accept who you are, they have not other choice, because no matter what anyone else thinks, you are the best damn dark skin, blonde guy out there (even if you aren't blonde anymore).

Hey Bud,

 

I'm mixed race too. My father a short dark skinned Pacific Island man, my mother a tall blonde white-skinned British woman. Thankfully for me, I grew up in New Zealand. It's a melting pot of different cultures and colours with mixed race kids being very common, so I didn't feel out of place.

 

But while this is a little about being mixed race, I think it is more about self acceptance. You being a loner and being withdrawn from society would suggest a depressive, deep thinking nature, a low self esteem and lack of self confidence. And honestly, there is not much you can do about it, you can't cut out your white or dark sides, so that just leaves one option really...ROCK WHO YOU ARE.

 

The person with the biggest issue is you, so that is who you need to tackle. Step out there and make people see that you are you and since you accept who you are, they have not other choice, because no matter what anyone else thinks, you are the best damn dark skin, blonde guy out there (even if you aren't blonde anymore).

You know, you are absolutely right about me being plagued by low confidence and self esteem. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I've moved around so much and I've been accustomed to "starting over." When I was around 11 I didn't really feel there was a point in me putting myself out there due to the fact I would probably leave the place I was in, pretty soon. So I began to become more and more introverted. I think it's a behaviour that I've just gotten accustomed to and find it hard to get out of.

It’s not your fault dear. Friendship isn’t always about color. It’s about those who treat you well regardless of skin color or religion. Don’t worry about being mixed. I always find mixed race kids to be so intriguing . Embrace that about yourself. Mixed race folks are beautiful

Thank you for your kind words.

 

 

 

As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. I’m a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and I’m so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isn’t racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, I’ve never really had a place I can call home – a place I can identify with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one “race.” I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasn’t mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel.

 

How do I grow beyond this?

 

I think your friend is right, you’re paying attention to a self diagnosed symptom and not the diesease. I don’t know where you live but in America, unless you’re in an incredibly rural area, mixed races are just a regular part of society. I mean this isn’t the 1960’s. The shame you feel is within. Why do you look the way you do coming from a child wasn’t a put down, kids are genuinely curious. There is a huge responsibility parents have that they often don’t realize to teach and instill pride in their children for who they are. A persons identity is a big thing, but with that being said, again I think it’s a symptom of a bigger problem. If it makes you feel any better many young adults go through a period of identity crisis and figuring out who they are. You will get through this, you have a climb though. Have you seen anyone professionally.

I actually disagree with the girl you had the casual relationship with, a bit.

 

I don't think your insecurity is cultural. I think your insecurity is just plain & simple....insecurity. People have insecurities because of their differences for all sorts of reasons: the girl who is taller than even any of the boys in the class, the girl with the reddest hair and face full of freckles. These things don't fit into what we perceive as the societal norm....although thankfully, the "norm" is rapidly changing.

 

I completely hear you. It must be difficult to be constantly asked about your ethnicity. Shame on people who ask, quite frankly. It's nobody's beeswax.

 

I know we could go on and on about mixed race people who have been quite successful and have gotten over their insecurities about it.....

Barack Obama - African American father/Caucasian mother

George Springer - African American father/Caucasian mother. Springer was not only the 2017 World Series MVP, he also grew up with such a major stuttering problem that he was made fun of for that, even more than for his being mixed race. He now does work with kids who stutter. He's also about the cutest baseball player out there. :)

Halle Berry - African American father/Caucasian mother.

 

A friend of mine was in Barack Obama's law class at Harvard. Long before anyone knew the name Obama. He said Obama was this quiet, but stealth student, always on the search for the next "A", always on the search for the best way to interpret the next case. They were in the same study group, and everyone knew he was someone they could rely on. I'm not going to get into a political discussion here; this is about the person. No one ever discussed whether he was black or white....he was just an integral part of their study group, and the professors always called on him when they wanted the most thorough answer.

 

Of course, we could go on and on, but the underlying thing is, you will have to deal with your insecurities so they don't overtake you. Have you gone to any sort of counseling?

 

Also, not sure where you live, but if you move to a very large city, it would be actually impossible not to find others with whom you identify. I live in one of the largest cities in the U.S., and I can tell you, it's not normal for communities here to not be diverse.

Why is it rude to ask what someone’s origins are?

 

I’ve never really understood why it’s perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with “are you from here originally?” People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think it’s such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

 

Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes I’ll ask “is your last name French?” Or whatever.

 

I’m not doing it to probe, just because I think it’s a fun conversation topic.

 

If it’s rude then I’ll stop [emoji52][emoji52]

 

And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you don’t fit in because of this reason but it’s quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, it’ll get easier.

Why is it rude to ask what someone’s origins are?

 

I’ve never really understood why it’s perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with “are you from here originally?” People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think it’s such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

 

Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes I’ll ask “is your last name French?” Or whatever.

 

I’m not doing it to probe, just because I think it’s a fun conversation topic.

 

If it’s rude then I’ll stop [emoji52][emoji52]

 

And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you don’t fit in because of this reason but it’s quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, it’ll get easier.

 

Asking someone if they're from here originally is simple conversation.

 

Asking someone to identify their race, simply from their looks, is rude.

 

See the difference?

I missed where that happen. Skimmed too fast I’m sorry!

Why is it rude to ask what someone’s origins are?

 

I’ve never really understood why it’s perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with “are you from here originally?” People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think it’s such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

 

Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes I’ll ask “is your last name French?” Or whatever.

 

I’m not doing it to probe, just because I think it’s a fun conversation topic.

 

If it’s rude then I’ll stop [emoji52][emoji52]

 

And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you don’t fit in because of this reason but it’s quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, it’ll get easier.

You're not being rude. It's cool. I don't mind people asking me where I'm from but it gets a bit old when people ask me about my racial mix and features. People take a special interest in that. And I guess because of the bullying when I was younger, I don't like having to answer such questions cause I'm insecure about the topic.

I actually disagree with the girl you had the casual relationship with, a bit.

 

I don't think your insecurity is cultural. I think your insecurity is just plain & simple....insecurity. People have insecurities because of their differences for all sorts of reasons: the girl who is taller than even any of the boys in the class, the girl with the reddest hair and face full of freckles. These things don't fit into what we perceive as the societal norm....although thankfully, the "norm" is rapidly changing.

 

I completely hear you. It must be difficult to be constantly asked about your ethnicity. Shame on people who ask, quite frankly. It's nobody's beeswax.

 

I know we could go on and on about mixed race people who have been quite successful and have gotten over their insecurities about it.....

Barack Obama - African American father/Caucasian mother

George Springer - African American father/Caucasian mother. Springer was not only the 2017 World Series MVP, he also grew up with such a major stuttering problem that he was made fun of for that, even more than for his being mixed race. He now does work with kids who stutter. He's also about the cutest baseball player out there. :)

Halle Berry - African American father/Caucasian mother.

 

A friend of mine was in Barack Obama's law class at Harvard. Long before anyone knew the name Obama. He said Obama was this quiet, but stealth student, always on the search for the next "A", always on the search for the best way to interpret the next case. They were in the same study group, and everyone knew he was someone they could rely on. I'm not going to get into a political discussion here; this is about the person. No one ever discussed whether he was black or white....he was just an integral part of their study group, and the professors always called on him when they wanted the most thorough answer.

 

Of course, we could go on and on, but the underlying thing is, you will have to deal with your insecurities so they don't overtake you. Have you gone to any sort of counseling?

 

Also, not sure where you live, but if you move to a very large city, it would be actually impossible not to find others with whom you identify. I live in one of the largest cities in the U.S., and I can tell you, it's not normal for communities here to not be diverse.

I haven't done any counselling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.

I haven't done any counselling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.

 

The fact that you feel ashamed about this makes me want to find you and hug you.

 

You are the result of two people who love each other. Period!

 

Years ago, I was in Hawaii with my then new-husband on our honeymoon (we later divorced, but that's a different story!). A girl was hitchhiking, and my husband felt compelled to pick her up. Of course, I didn't want to pick up a hitchhiker, but I went along with it. She turned out to be this sweet young woman who told us that her family moved to Hawaii because they are mixed race and felt ostracized on continental U.S., but that in Hawaii, they felt accepted. I never forgot that girl or her story, but it caused me to have empathy for anyone who is made to feel that way.

I bet you are stunning. Mixed race people are beautiful!

 

My kids are of Mixed heritage...three kinds of Hispanic, European, a bit of Native American. My kids are beautiful!

 

I love that my curly hair and olive skin and ethnic features set me apart.

 

You are unique and amazing.

The fact that you feel ashamed about this makes me want to find you and hug you.

 

You are the result of two people who love each other. Period!

 

Years ago, I was in Hawaii with my then new-husband on our honeymoon (we later divorced, but that's a different story!). A girl was hitchhiking, and my husband felt compelled to pick her up. Of course, I didn't want to pick up a hitchhiker, but I went along with it. She turned out to be this sweet young woman who told us that her family moved to Hawaii because they are mixed race and felt ostracized on continental U.S., but that in Hawaii, they felt accepted. I never forgot that girl or her story, but it caused me to have empathy for anyone who is made to feel that way.

Thank you for your kind words. I mean it. Thank you. I think with me, these feelings started a long time ago. Beginning from the bullying when I was around 8 and my dad had just signed for a new club and we moved to a new country in Europe. We stayed in that country for 2 years and it wasn't easy. In the vast majority of places we have lived, including the US,people have been welcoming and lovely. But there was a nasty undercurrent in the specific place we lived when I was 8 and that experience has just stuck with me. And it has precipitated those feelings of insecurity I still feel today.

 

My parents have always been loving and supportive of me. But I just don't know how to tell them I feel. Like I wrote, there is shame attached. They made me, and their heritage is my heritage and I feel like my thoughts are a slight on them.

I bet you are stunning. Mixed race people are beautiful!

 

My kids are of Mixed heritage...three kinds of Hispanic, European, a bit of Native American. My kids are beautiful!

 

I love that my curly hair and olive skin and ethnic features set me apart.

 

You are unique and amazing.

Thank you.

May I ask, was it other children or adults who were mean to you at 8? It hurts to read any little kid ever would have hate directed at them!

 

I've always found knowledge to be power. I've researched on this, mostly because my partner and I hope to bring a child into our family, and we'd have to navigate this. From what you tell of your parents, they seem amazing. I don't know them, but most parents I know wouldn't judge their child for their conflict , they'd probably just be sad and want to help you any way they can.

But as far as reading, I found so much material on the challenges mixed race kids face. Have you checked out what others have written and experienced and their stories? You might find some strength there, and some commonality.

 

I'll leave it at that. I hope you feel better soon. It's true too- 18 is a rough time period. You've experienced bullying and on the move all the time. I'm sure it all contributes.

May I ask, was it other children or adults who were mean to you at 8? It hurts to read any little kid ever would have hate directed at them!

 

I've always found knowledge to be power. I've researched on this, mostly because my partner and I hope to bring a child into our family, and we'd have to navigate this. From what you tell of your parents, they seem amazing. I don't know them, but most parents I know wouldn't judge their child for their conflict , they'd probably just be sad and want to help you any way they can.

But as far as reading, I found so much material on the challenges mixed race kids face. Have you checked out what others have written and experienced and their stories? You might find some strength there, and some commonality.

 

I'll leave it at that. I hope you feel better soon. It's true too- 18 is a rough time period. You've experienced bullying and on the move all the time. I'm sure it all contributes.

It was other children at the school I attended. It was so incessant I had to transfer to another school. Although my parents also experienced a nasty incident one time when they were out for dinner. Yeah in general those two years in that specific country sucked. We all struggled to adjust. It was a relief to leave.

 

As for reading other people's stories, yes I do. Sometimes I'll spend hours online just searching keywords on Google and reading perspectives from other people. It does help. To know you're not alone.

 

I've been thinking of writing my parents a letter. I feel like I get my feelings out better

 

I've been thinking of writing my parents a letter. I feel like I get my feelings out better when I write.

 

And I wish you and your partner all the happiness in the world!

I was at a wedding recently where the bride's brother is gay and has a new, serious partner. This was the first time I met the partner, who was so adorable and such a wonderful personality. Throughout the wedding weekend there were dinners & brunches, up to the wedding.

 

I was seated with his parents, who I met for the first time when we were seated. Father Caucasian, Mother African American. It was simply never brought up by anyone, that that was where their son got his great looks and sweet spirit....from this wonderful couple.

 

We could all share stories, and you can read more online, and it could help you to know you're not alone. I assure you, you are not alone.

My son was bullied terribly in grade school, and all the way up into high school....and he was just a nerdy white kid! But it effected him all his life. (he's now a young nerdy white 30 yr. old) but he's found others that he can relate to.

 

Once he got into a college, he found others on the same wavelength as him.

 

First, when I was reading your post, I thought, wow, is he articulate. (I have another son who could NEVER spell and now has epilepsy...so issues)

Then, when you described your features, I thought....GEEZ...he sounds BEAUTIFUL!!! I agree with others, mixed races are so gorgeous!

 

Secondly, on not feeling white...or black....who do you most identify with? My youngest son (the one who couldn't spell, and had probs in school) all his friends in high school were kids of mixed race. (white mom, black dad) I think maybe (and I'm just speculating) those with the white moms (dad wasn't in the picture) related more with the white culture rather than with the black...only because the black dad wasn't around. Also with mixed races being so common now....surely you'll find others you can relate to!

 

Now being raised in Europe (I've heard) is different than the U.S. as being more accepting of the culturally diverse! So I'm sad to hear you were bullied. Also, you weren't raised in some slovenly slum....but got the experience of trave!!!. YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR YOU, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN!!!

 

So ...with all that being said, write down the things you LIKE about yourself. The things you have going for you! LIKE 2 LOVING PARENTS!

 

Also You Tube Dancing with the Stars a few season back...wish I could remember his name....he was a young kid of mixed race. He colored his hair blond and he was a STAR STANDOUT! I should find it for you! He was famous and had been in musicals...as a LEAD! But his self-confidence shown thru. I'm going to see if I can find his name, etc.

 

But anyway....you have so much going for you. Once you get past this age of "who am I? Where am I going?" stage...and get into college, your life will all come together.

 

I promise. Hugs...you sound phenomenal!!!

His name is Jordan Fisher. Disney kid, In the play Hamilton, and won Season 25 of Dancing with the Stars. Mixed kid. Blonde hair (color) and cuter than a bugs ear! I loved him! lol

My son was bullied terribly in grade school, and all the way up into high school....and he was just a nerdy white kid! But it effected him all his life. (he's now a young nerdy white 30 yr. old) but he's found others that he can relate to.

 

Once he got into a college, he found others on the same wavelength as him.

 

First, when I was reading your post, I thought, wow, is he articulate. (I have another son who could NEVER spell and now has epilepsy...so issues)

Then, when you described your features, I thought....GEEZ...he sounds BEAUTIFUL!!! I agree with others, mixed races are so gorgeous!

 

Secondly, on not feeling white...or black....who do you most identify with? My youngest son (the one who couldn't spell, and had probs in school) all his friends in high school were kids of mixed race. (white mom, black dad) I think maybe (and I'm just speculating) those with the white moms (dad wasn't in the picture) related more with the white culture rather than with the black...only because the black dad wasn't around. Also with mixed races being so common now....surely you'll find others you can relate to!

 

Now being raised in Europe (I've heard) is different than the U.S. as being more accepting of the culturally diverse! So I'm sad to hear you were bullied. Also, you weren't raised in some slovenly slum....but got the experience of trave!!!. YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR YOU, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN!!!

 

So ...with all that being said, write down the things you LIKE about yourself. The things you have going for you! LIKE 2 LOVING PARENTS!

 

Also You Tube Dancing with the Stars a few season back...wish I could remember his name....he was a young kid of mixed race. He colored his hair blond and he was a STAR STANDOUT! I should find it for you! He was famous and had been in musicals...as a LEAD! But his self-confidence shown thru. I'm going to see if I can find his name, etc.

 

But anyway....you have so much going for you. Once you get past this age of "who am I? Where am I going?" stage...and get into college, your life will all come together.

 

I promise. Hugs...you sound phenomenal!!!

I can't say really say I strictly identify with white people or black people to be honest. I tend to identify with people on the same wavelength as me. I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is Indian-American and my ex is Japanese-American. Both people I share a lot f similarities with. Certainly when I was younger I did kinda restrict myself along racial lines - I would try to fit in with white or black people I didn't really share anything in common with. Purely because of DNA. I don't do that anymore. It didn't work out so well when I was younger. I actually tried too hard to fit in with people. I tried to show both white and black kids that I was "one of them."

 

When I have visited my dad's side of the family in Africa and my mom's side in Europe, frankly, I've never really identified with either side. I feel like an outsider because I've never spent a sustained amount of time in each of my parents' respective countries. I've been a nomad for pretty much my entire life.

 

Growing up in Europe, the vast majority of places were fine but there was a particular two year spell in a certain country... a spell that was bad.

 

You know, I think some of that guilt I feel regarding the situation comes from the fact that I have lived a priveleged life. I have gotten to see so many different places, my parents have always provided. My dad grew up extremely poor in his country. He and his family would go hungry on some days and he would walk 4 miles to school and 4 miles back home everyday. And when I think about that and look at the life my father has given me, I feel so much guilt. I've cried before over it cause I feel like have absolutely no right to harbour these feelings. I mean look at his childhood in comparison with mine? But I still feel them.

 

Thank you for your kind words. Appreciate them. Will check out the Dancing with the Stars kid. I wish I could dance lol.

Just wanna add thank you everyone for your messages and advice. Actually just writing up my feelings has made me feel better. It's amazing how expressing yourself can relieve a bit of pressure, even if it is over a computer screen. Thank you.

I can't say really say I strictly identify with white people or black people to be honest. I tend to identify with people on the same wavelength as me. I have a very small circle of friends. My best friend is Indian-American and my ex is Japanese-American. Both people I share a lot f similarities with. Certainly when I was younger I did kinda restrict myself along racial lines - I would try to fit in with white or black people I didn't really share anything in common with. Purely because of DNA. I don't do that anymore. It didn't work out so well when I was younger. I actually tried too hard to fit in with people. I tried to show both white and black kids that I was "one of them."

 

When I have visited my dad's side of the family in Africa and my mom's side in Europe, frankly, I've never really identified with either side. I feel like an outsider because I've never spent a sustained amount of time in each of my parents' respective countries. I've been a nomad for pretty much my entire life.

 

Growing up in Europe, the vast majority of places were fine but there was a particular two year spell in a certain country... a spell that was bad.

 

You know, I think some of that guilt I feel regarding the situation comes from the fact that I have lived a priveleged life. I have gotten to see so many different places, my parents have always provided. My dad grew up extremely poor in his country. He and his family would go hungry on some days and he would walk 4 miles to school and 4 miles back home everyday. And when I think about that and look at the life my father has given me, I feel so much guilt. I've cried before over it cause I feel like have absolutely no right to harbour these feelings. I mean look at his childhood in comparison with mine? But I still feel them.

 

Thank you for your kind words. Appreciate them. Will check out the Dancing with the Stars kid. I wish I could dance lol.

 

You have every right to harbor whatever feelings you have. They're your feelings! Own them, and feel them, and if you cry because of them, that's ok. It's what makes you, you.

 

You sound like a very wise young man, an old soul. You are very appreciative for the parents that you have, but you yearn for that little boy who was hurt by stupidity of others. Shame on those mean people for making you feel that way. You deserve to feel however you feel.

 

I do think that a counselor, someone you can open up to, could help. I realize it's so difficult for you to express this in person to someone else, but they will keep it in the strictest of confidence, and help you verbalize it so that it doesn't grip you for the rest of your life.

You have every right to harbor whatever feelings you have. They're your feelings! Own them, and feel them, and if you cry because of them, that's ok. It's what makes you, you.

 

You sound like a very wise young man, an old soul. You are very appreciative for the parents that you have, but you yearn for that little boy who was hurt by stupidity of others. Shame on those mean people for making you feel that way. You deserve to feel however you feel.

 

I do think that a counselor, someone you can open up to, could help. I realize it's so difficult for you to express this in person to someone else, but they will keep it in the strictest of confidence, and help you verbalize it so that it doesn't grip you for the rest of your life.

Yeah, I've been thinking about seeing one. A counsellor I mean. I think I need to cause this stuff eats away at me and really does hold me back. Thanks again for your kind words. People are always saying I'm an old soul lol