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Thread: I wish I wasn't mixed race

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Why is it rude to ask what someoneís origins are?

    Iíve never really understood why itís perceived as rude. I often ask - usually starting off with ďare you from here originally?Ē People move so often and it makes such a big part of their lives, I think itís such a cool conversation topic. Hearing you moved around would be so interesting to talk about.

    Or if your last name was interesting - sometimes Iíll ask ďis your last name French?Ē Or whatever.

    Iím not doing it to probe, just because I think itís a fun conversation topic.

    If itís rude then Iíll stop

    And OP - I think some of your insecurity also comes from age. At your age, everyone is wandering and a bit lost. You may identify that you donít fit in because of this reason but itís quite common for many reasons. Work on your confidence, itíll get easier.
    You're not being rude. It's cool. I don't mind people asking me where I'm from but it gets a bit old when people ask me about my racial mix and features. People take a special interest in that. And I guess because of the bullying when I was younger, I don't like having to answer such questions cause I'm insecure about the topic.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    I actually disagree with the girl you had the casual relationship with, a bit.

    I don't think your insecurity is cultural. I think your insecurity is just plain & simple....insecurity. People have insecurities because of their differences for all sorts of reasons: the girl who is taller than even any of the boys in the class, the girl with the reddest hair and face full of freckles. These things don't fit into what we perceive as the societal norm....although thankfully, the "norm" is rapidly changing.

    I completely hear you. It must be difficult to be constantly asked about your ethnicity. Shame on people who ask, quite frankly. It's nobody's beeswax.

    I know we could go on and on about mixed race people who have been quite successful and have gotten over their insecurities about it.....
    Barack Obama - African American father/Caucasian mother
    George Springer - African American father/Caucasian mother. Springer was not only the 2017 World Series MVP, he also grew up with such a major stuttering problem that he was made fun of for that, even more than for his being mixed race. He now does work with kids who stutter. He's also about the cutest baseball player out there. :)
    Halle Berry - African American father/Caucasian mother.

    A friend of mine was in Barack Obama's law class at Harvard. Long before anyone knew the name Obama. He said Obama was this quiet, but stealth student, always on the search for the next "A", always on the search for the best way to interpret the next case. They were in the same study group, and everyone knew he was someone they could rely on. I'm not going to get into a political discussion here; this is about the person. No one ever discussed whether he was black or white....he was just an integral part of their study group, and the professors always called on him when they wanted the most thorough answer.

    Of course, we could go on and on, but the underlying thing is, you will have to deal with your insecurities so they don't overtake you. Have you gone to any sort of counseling?

    Also, not sure where you live, but if you move to a very large city, it would be actually impossible not to find others with whom you identify. I live in one of the largest cities in the U.S., and I can tell you, it's not normal for communities here to not be diverse.
    I haven't done any counselling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by earthlingboy
    I haven't done any counselling. I find it difficult to open up to people, hence why I'm posting on this forum instead of speaking to my parents about it. I don't know. It's just something I feel ashamed about. The way I feel. It's hard to verbalize with people in a conversation.
    The fact that you feel ashamed about this makes me want to find you and hug you.

    You are the result of two people who love each other. Period!

    Years ago, I was in Hawaii with my then new-husband on our honeymoon (we later divorced, but that's a different story!). A girl was hitchhiking, and my husband felt compelled to pick her up. Of course, I didn't want to pick up a hitchhiker, but I went along with it. She turned out to be this sweet young woman who told us that her family moved to Hawaii because they are mixed race and felt ostracized on continental U.S., but that in Hawaii, they felt accepted. I never forgot that girl or her story, but it caused me to have empathy for anyone who is made to feel that way.

  4. #14
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    I bet you are stunning. Mixed race people are beautiful!

    My kids are of Mixed heritage...three kinds of Hispanic, European, a bit of Native American. My kids are beautiful!

    I love that my curly hair and olive skin and ethnic features set me apart.

    You are unique and amazing.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    The fact that you feel ashamed about this makes me want to find you and hug you.

    You are the result of two people who love each other. Period!

    Years ago, I was in Hawaii with my then new-husband on our honeymoon (we later divorced, but that's a different story!). A girl was hitchhiking, and my husband felt compelled to pick her up. Of course, I didn't want to pick up a hitchhiker, but I went along with it. She turned out to be this sweet young woman who told us that her family moved to Hawaii because they are mixed race and felt ostracized on continental U.S., but that in Hawaii, they felt accepted. I never forgot that girl or her story, but it caused me to have empathy for anyone who is made to feel that way.
    Thank you for your kind words. I mean it. Thank you. I think with me, these feelings started a long time ago. Beginning from the bullying when I was around 8 and my dad had just signed for a new club and we moved to a new country in Europe. We stayed in that country for 2 years and it wasn't easy. In the vast majority of places we have lived, including the US,people have been welcoming and lovely. But there was a nasty undercurrent in the specific place we lived when I was 8 and that experience has just stuck with me. And it has precipitated those feelings of insecurity I still feel today.

    My parents have always been loving and supportive of me. But I just don't know how to tell them I feel. Like I wrote, there is shame attached. They made me, and their heritage is my heritage and I feel like my thoughts are a slight on them.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I bet you are stunning. Mixed race people are beautiful!

    My kids are of Mixed heritage...three kinds of Hispanic, European, a bit of Native American. My kids are beautiful!

    I love that my curly hair and olive skin and ethnic features set me apart.

    You are unique and amazing.
    Thank you.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    May I ask, was it other children or adults who were mean to you at 8? It hurts to read any little kid ever would have hate directed at them!

    I've always found knowledge to be power. I've researched on this, mostly because my partner and I hope to bring a child into our family, and we'd have to navigate this. From what you tell of your parents, they seem amazing. I don't know them, but most parents I know wouldn't judge their child for their conflict , they'd probably just be sad and want to help you any way they can.
    But as far as reading, I found so much material on the challenges mixed race kids face. Have you checked out what others have written and experienced and their stories? You might find some strength there, and some commonality.

    I'll leave it at that. I hope you feel better soon. It's true too- 18 is a rough time period. You've experienced bullying and on the move all the time. I'm sure it all contributes.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    May I ask, was it other children or adults who were mean to you at 8? It hurts to read any little kid ever would have hate directed at them!

    I've always found knowledge to be power. I've researched on this, mostly because my partner and I hope to bring a child into our family, and we'd have to navigate this. From what you tell of your parents, they seem amazing. I don't know them, but most parents I know wouldn't judge their child for their conflict , they'd probably just be sad and want to help you any way they can.
    But as far as reading, I found so much material on the challenges mixed race kids face. Have you checked out what others have written and experienced and their stories? You might find some strength there, and some commonality.

    I'll leave it at that. I hope you feel better soon. It's true too- 18 is a rough time period. You've experienced bullying and on the move all the time. I'm sure it all contributes.
    It was other children at the school I attended. It was so incessant I had to transfer to another school. Although my parents also experienced a nasty incident one time when they were out for dinner. Yeah in general those two years in that specific country sucked. We all struggled to adjust. It was a relief to leave.

    As for reading other people's stories, yes I do. Sometimes I'll spend hours online just searching keywords on Google and reading perspectives from other people. It does help. To know you're not alone.

    I've been thinking of writing my parents a letter. I feel like I get my feelings out better

    I've been thinking of writing my parents a letter. I feel like I get my feelings out better when I write.

    And I wish you and your partner all the happiness in the world!

  10. #19
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    I was at a wedding recently where the bride's brother is gay and has a new, serious partner. This was the first time I met the partner, who was so adorable and such a wonderful personality. Throughout the wedding weekend there were dinners & brunches, up to the wedding.

    I was seated with his parents, who I met for the first time when we were seated. Father Caucasian, Mother African American. It was simply never brought up by anyone, that that was where their son got his great looks and sweet spirit....from this wonderful couple.

    We could all share stories, and you can read more online, and it could help you to know you're not alone. I assure you, you are not alone.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Realitynut's Avatar
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    My son was bullied terribly in grade school, and all the way up into high school....and he was just a nerdy white kid! But it effected him all his life. (he's now a young nerdy white 30 yr. old) but he's found others that he can relate to.

    Once he got into a college, he found others on the same wavelength as him.

    First, when I was reading your post, I thought, wow, is he articulate. (I have another son who could NEVER spell and now has epilepsy...so issues)
    Then, when you described your features, I thought....GEEZ...he sounds BEAUTIFUL!!! I agree with others, mixed races are so gorgeous!

    Secondly, on not feeling white...or black....who do you most identify with? My youngest son (the one who couldn't spell, and had probs in school) all his friends in high school were kids of mixed race. (white mom, black dad) I think maybe (and I'm just speculating) those with the white moms (dad wasn't in the picture) related more with the white culture rather than with the black...only because the black dad wasn't around. Also with mixed races being so common now....surely you'll find others you can relate to!

    Now being raised in Europe (I've heard) is different than the U.S. as being more accepting of the culturally diverse! So I'm sad to hear you were bullied. Also, you weren't raised in some slovenly slum....but got the experience of trave!!!. YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING FOR YOU, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN!!!

    So ...with all that being said, write down the things you LIKE about yourself. The things you have going for you! LIKE 2 LOVING PARENTS!

    Also You Tube Dancing with the Stars a few season back...wish I could remember his name....he was a young kid of mixed race. He colored his hair blond and he was a STAR STANDOUT! I should find it for you! He was famous and had been in musicals...as a LEAD! But his self-confidence shown thru. I'm going to see if I can find his name, etc.

    But anyway....you have so much going for you. Once you get past this age of "who am I? Where am I going?" stage...and get into college, your life will all come together.

    I promise. Hugs...you sound phenomenal!!!

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