Christmas Blues

Not an original topic, but hey.

This is my first Christmas alone in 9 years. I am struggling, I admit. It is hard not to feel hopelessly alone at this time of year, when one is trying to recover from the break-up of a long relationship.

I think for those who have been ejected from a long-term relationship, apart from the loss of the actual person one of the worst things is the loss of narrative: our partnership was our life, our past, present and, maybe most important of all, our future. To be suddenly and unexpectedly alone again is like to be thrown off a ship and left to die in the cold, dark waters as the ship slowly moves out of view.

I know some people say 'you have to reboot' and try to reactivate your past self, but I actually find that idea nauseates me. I don't want to go back to my 2010 self, I wanted to escape my past self, past life and so on. I guess a lot of us just feel hopelessly stranded and abandoned, particularly at official 'happy times' such as Xmas and NY.

All we can do is focus on getting through each day - don't take the long-term view if it depresses or scares you, try to view each hour and day survived as a triumph, because in many ways it is.

As you said Mike focusing on each day is literally all we can do.

Myself like you and countless others I’m sure are struggling! Perhaps it’s the time of year? I miss the companionship a hell of a lot I must admit.

I know people say ‘keep busy’ and surround yourself with other people like your family and friends. But this time of year that’s what happens anyway and it’s just odd at my end as my ex would be at my side.

I’m still adjusting. Just try to think of the positives Mike and see that life does go on. And in time things will become less painful, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

If you dont have anything to do or anywhere to go on Christmas day, consider volunteering somewhere, like a soup kitchen, hospital, seniors' home...helping others is a good way to blow the blues away plus you may make a new friend or two!

Great suggestion. Merry Christmas 🎄🎅

If you dont have anything to do or anywhere to go on Christmas day, consider volunteering somewhere, like a soup kitchen, hospital, seniors' home...helping others is a good way to blow the blues away plus you may make a new friend or two!

Feeling for you, Mike.

Last Christmas I was 2 months out of a breakup and still reeling hard. Suddenly crying while walking around, deep pit in the heart, the works. Went on a misguided date that, without going into detail, was about as depressing as it gets. New Years was me alone with a tumbler of bourbon—yeah, I was really leaning into it.

But there were also some moments of love between friends that were just phenomenal, moments that helped me connect to my own feelings and, weirdly, feel grateful for them, hard as they were to stomach.

Most importantly, I got through it, as will you. Looking back I actually see that period as n important transition—the low, sharpest point in grieving. In getting through it I think I found something like strength.

Best of luck. Hang in there. Hugs. A few more days.

Group hug!

I'll be on my own, too (my first Christmas alone in eight years). Starting about a month ago, my ex was emotionally abusive to me (depressed? yes. cheating? maybe. tired of trying to figure it out). So I told him where to go, a week ago. That's because, though I have no immediate family and for this reason can feel a bit fragile at Christmas, I realised I'd rather spend the day alone than with someone who clearly hates every second they spend with me. (It's my own fault I'm in this situation anyway - gave him too many chances).

I've had lots of invites from friends and family to spend Christmas with them, but I hate tagging onto other people's families at Christmas - it reminds me my parents aren't around, and...I'm a real introvert. Anyway...I have resolved to ENJOY it, and I urge you to do the same! Come on, we can do this. Come on here and vent if it helps.

I've got tons of cava in the fridge, loads of unhealthy food and two cats. I'm actually looking forward to it - can do exactly what I like, free of tedious gatherings out of 'duty', screaming kids (or any kids), family disputes... YEAH!

I think if things feel bad, it's important to remember it's just ONE day. We can do this!

Great post Enn!

Reminds me of 5 years ago, when I was also in a state of heartbreak on Christmas and totally alone in a new city. I stocked the fridge with bubbly, made myself an extravagant brunch, blasted music, read some, watched some movies, cried a bit, then went out to some bars and met some great people. It was all a bit melancholy, sure, but it was also one of the best Christmases ever.

Great post Enn!

 

Reminds me of 5 years ago, when I was also in a state of heartbreak on Christmas and totally alone in a new city. I stocked the fridge with bubbly, made myself an extravagant brunch, blasted music, read some, watched some movies, cried a bit, then went out to some bars and met some great people. It was all a bit melancholy, sure, but it was also one of the best Christmases ever.

Aw isn't it funny how the totally dismal times often turn out to make really amazing memories, and sometimes real turning points?

If I'm being honest, the Christmases I *have* spent on my own have been at least as good as - and probably quite a bit better than - the rather anti-climactic ones I've spent with someone else. And when I look at my friends' heavily-Facebook-documented Christmas activities (especially the ones involving kids) I really wouldn't swap...

Most people I know couldn't even *do* Christmas alone...we're warriors! If we can do this, we can do anything! Having read this I think I might go to the pub at some point as well. If I see any of you I'll buy you a pint!

Cheer to that!