Going from Dating to Relationship- How Do You Know?

I've been dating someone for about 2 months now. Things are going really well, communication is great, we laugh a lot and talk for hours, connect really well, met each other's friends and family, but have not officially labeled the relationship yet.

We both came out of difficult relationships, and feel like we need to take things slower than usual. We also both were not "looking" for a relationship yet but somehow we found ourselves connecting. For myself, I just came out of a difficult relationship about 3 months ago where I lived with the person for over a year. I haven't had a lot of alone time as a single person (probably about 2-3 months tops).

I'm noticing that even though I really enjoy our time together, sometimes, I start to feel a little anxious about labels, her intentions and where it is going. I don't know if it's because I'm just used to being in relationships or I'm afraid she doesn't want to make that commitment with me (I've had exes in the past who had commitment issues so it may be a trigger for me).

She constantly expresses her feeling towards me and how she sees a future but just wants to take it slow so we have a better chance at making things work and I agree with her a lot! I just feel like sometimes I need to find ways to calm myself and my anxious emotional anxiety....always wanting to know where it's going as opposed to just enjoying the moment.

Any advice?

I think you jumped pretty quick;y into this relationship after your recent failed one. Take it slow, you dont need to apply labels to anything. You are both getting to know the other, you dont know each other at just two months in. Dont rush.

I think there’s no point in talking about intentions if any part of you sees the discussion as one about labels. It’s about commitment and the label is what people use to refer to each other and to others as a symbol of the underlying commitment.

If you’re going to address it with her as anything other than a discussion about commitment and future goals and pretend it’s just a label that’s not fair to either of you and it’s dishonest. I think she is talking about taking it “slow” as a euphemism for not wanting a commitment to you right now. After only two months of dating that could change. I personally would give it more like three to four months since she’s not sure yet. I was in a serious relationship where we weren’t exclusive till six months. His choice. We weren’t having sex yet. Even though he ended up proposing years later I declined and it turned out he was not admitting to himself that he was gay. That’s why he was unsure and distant.

In the serious long term relationships where the guy was into me he wanted exclusivity within the first 6 weeks or so of dating. I am all for taking things at a reasonable pace. As far as taking it slow it would depend on why and what my goals were generally and specifically.

Good luck.

Things are going really well, communication is great,

Not trying to be a jerk, it comes natural to me :) but if you communicated well, you wouldn't be in this position.

I don't know if it's because I'm just used to being in relationships or I'm afraid she doesn't want to make that commitment with me

Maybe both, but this is the stuff that comes with getting involved with someone too quickly after a breakup. Whenever we don't take the time to stabilize and normalize solo, we'll continue to think and operate in a leftover 'relationship mode' that can come off as too much, too soon AND create anxiousness when the other doesn't respond in ways that were typical of our last partner.

I'd pull that back and invest in whatever therapy it takes to learn how to self soothe without creating a dependency on a new lover. If you cannot enjoy a relationship without anxiousness, then that might speak of a need to admit that this involvement is premature for you, and you'll need to take a step back to work out old business to preserve future potential of the new relationship.