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Thread: What do younger women look for in an older guy?

  1. #1
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    What do younger women look for in an older guy?

    I've posted before about my battles to get the opposite sex to even acknowledge I exist. Aside from having hang-ups about my appearance, height, career, status and social skills, I'm a 41 year old virgin with OCD problems. Quite the catch I hear you say! Now after a few positive messages on here, in amongst the negative, I do for some reason still want to at least try and get myself a girlfriend. After much consideration though, I think that the only way I can muster up the confidence to even try is with a much younger woman, like early 20s. I think beyond that her experience and confidence will eclipse mine by simply too much. I'll be intimidated, she'll see me crumbling before her, it'll be a mess. I have nothing those women would want. Now the *one* thing I have going for me, aside from a wicked self-deprecating sense of humour, is that whilst I may be ugly, I most definitely don't look my age, and could maybe even pass as 7 or 8 years younger on a good day. I'm not suggesting I lie or try to fool anyone, merely pointing out that just maybe it won't make the age gap quite as big a thing in some women's eyes. So what are people's thoughts - hands off you're sending the cops over, get myself sorted and stick to my own age, give up altogether I missed the boat long ago, or play it a certain way (which I have no idea about btw) and hopefully meet some nice younger woman (even if it's one who just hasn't seen enough of the world yet to know she can do a lot better!)? Thank you for reading.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Don't sell yourself short. Women your age will be able to relate to you much more than you know.

    What in the heck would you do with a 20 something? You're not in the same time of life, you have different views, different ideas, etc.

    I think if I were you, I'd rather try with a woman my age who might have similar problems, then try and deal with someone so much younger that has no clue how it is to be 40 and then have her friends and family think I'm a creep for scamming on someone so young.

    What if her and her friends are still into clubbing? Or even double dating? It will be awkward with you trying to go with a bunch of 20 somethings.

    I just think you're looking in the wrong place.

    There are dating site for people with mental issues, google and see what comes up.
    It makes more sense to find a lady closer to your age who deals with the same kinds of things you do.

    Just my two cents.

  3. #3
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    Wow.. All I read was you beating yourself up. What gets woman you ask? confidence! Love yourself, and others will love you. All joking aside, seriously, go easier on yourself.

    It doesn't matter what age you're seeking. Younger women, want guys their age. Older, women want younger men.

    But, regardless of that have you gone to therapy? Sounds like you need help with social anxiety.

    Maybe, join a website like POF or match, see where it goes, gain some confidence from talking to women on there.

  4. #4
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    While agreeing with everything stated above I also have to say that someone your age going after a much younger woman often comes of as kind of skeevy and unattractive. I wouldn't worry so much about experience, women closer to your age are far more interested in high-quality men and less in what you are obsessing about. Haven't you seen the 40-year-old Virgin?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Older, women want younger men.
    Not true. The majority of older women want a mature man who is a decent man. That typically is someone around their own age.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get on some quality dating apps (at least one paid one) with a well written profile and good recent pics (at least on facial and one full length). Then start browsing and messaging woman who interest you and are local enough to meet.

    Pick whatever age you want. They'll either respond or not. Theories about height, sexual experience, age, etc mean nothing unless you put finding women into action. The bottom line is still the same. You message..they respond or not. You meet for a drink/coffee/whatever...there a connection or not. Then you go for a second date..which either happens or not.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Go eat at a restaurant or to the mall and look at couples. Most don't look like Hollywood heartthrobs. You will notice that many pretty much match on their levels of attractiveness. So if on a scale of attractiveness, you think you're a 3 and you're going for women who are 9s and 10s, you have a lower chance of success, being that you're not rich.

    Large age gap relationships have a higher risk of failure, so that route is more difficult than dating someone closer to your age. People's personalities will either raise or lower their attractiveness to others. I had a college professor who looked to be in his early 60s who I would rate a 2 on an attractiveness level. Because of his positive personality and joyous personality, he had a younger, pretty blonde wife (who came in to class one day).

    I suggest joining Meetup.com for activities for single people in your age group. It's a less stressful way to meet women than OLD, although you should still give that a go anyway. Volunteer at a local zoo or museum. Participate in local environmental cleanups. I never sought to date someone who looked like a male model. I just had to find something attractive about him, and that, in combination with his personality and chemistry of course, was enough for me.

    Learn to love yourself or no one else will. Start with positive self talk, and reading articles to improve your self esteem. I hope 2019 is a year you can work on these goals to achieve what you want.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    hands off you're sending the cops over, get myself sorted and stick to my own age, give up altogether I missed the boat long ago, or play it a certain way (which I have no idea about btw) and hopefully meet some nice younger woman (even if it's one who just hasn't seen enough of the world yet to know she can do a lot better!)? Thank you for reading.
    Get yourself sorted no matter WHAT age you decide to date. Self-deprecating humour gets old fast... it is exhausting to listen to someone bash themselves constantly. It is attention seeking behavior and very self-centered, because you are constantly living in self-pity and looking to others to make you feel better about yourself.

    You have far from missed the boat... you are only 41... and most women love a sensitive and self-aware guy... but you need to infuse some confidence and self love, and ditch the negative attitude if you want to find a woman that will love you for who you are.

  10. #9
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    "Older, women want younger men."
    "Not true. The majority of older women want a mature man who is a decent man. That typically is someone around their own age."

    I agree. We are not all cougars! Most are not.

  11. #10
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    OP, what are your interests?

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