I can never tell...

I never think anyone is interested in me and I’m not sure in this case, either. I have a guy friend that I occasionally work with and we have recently become close. We hang out fairly often outside of work and usually it’s just the two of us. We text every day for long stretches and never run out of stuff to talk about. Ordinarily I would assume that if a guy spent that much time with me or talking to me there’d be something there, but he is hardly ever physically affectionate to me. He gives more hugs to our other female friends but when it comes to me he seems to get nervous and doesn’t seem to want to touch me. I haven’t been trying to flirt or anything but I’m worried that I’ve somehow come on too strong and I’m stressing him out even though he still initiates many conversations and wants to spend kind of a lot of time with me. Any thoughts? I just can’t figure him out.

I never think anyone is interested in me and I’m not sure in this case, either. I have a guy friend that I occasionally work with and we have recently become close. We hang out fairly often outside of work and usually it’s just the two of us. We text every day for long stretches and never run out of stuff to talk about. Ordinarily I would assume that if a guy spent that much time with me or talking to me there’d be something there, but he is hardly ever physically affectionate to me. He gives more hugs to our other female friends but when it comes to me he seems to get nervous and doesn’t seem to want to touch me. I haven’t been trying to flirt or anything but I’m worried that I’ve somehow come on too strong and I’m stressing him out even though he still initiates many conversations and wants to spend kind of a lot of time with me. Any thoughts? I just can’t figure him out.

He sounds respectful and like he wants to get to know you as a person... and like he might be nervous about being affectionate with you because he isn't sure if you will accept it or reciprocate it. Have you guys been out on a date just the two of you? Has your texting been flirty or suggestive?

There’s quite a bit of innuendo both in text and in actual conversations but no outright flirting I think?

Maybe he sees you as a friend only and not something romantic. Try backing off a bit and see if anything changes.

Ok he definitely likes you, chitchatting with you and hanging out with you. Do you want to date him? If you want to date him get yourself out of the friendzone by not chitchatting all day or just randomly hanging out.

Make a clear cut distinction that it's a date. Stop chatting with him as if he's a male girlfriend. Suggest one-on-one places to go that are more date like and dress nice. Act like it's dating, if that's what you want. If your only question is "is he into me" without your being interested that way what's the point?

We hang out fairly often outside of work and usually it’s just the two of us. We text every day for long stretches and never run out of stuff to talk about. he is hardly ever physically affectionate to me.

You seem so preoccupied with "not coming on too strong" that even in your post on an anonymous board, you don't actually say if you're interested in him. That guardedness is going to cement a friendship since he probably is getting that message too. Not a bad thing to gain a good friend, but I assume you are wanting more and will not find it pleasant when he finds himself a woman who is more open about not being buddies.

Although we usually won't admit it, as a male, it is sometimes nice to have female friends when wanting real conversations that usually don't end quickly with "dude, whatever". That sounds like the track you are on.

Wiseman makes a lot of good points. To add to that, the female version of "flirting" is often at non traceable levels or too random. But if he is becoming interested, you saying statements about enjoying the time with him, some compliments about his looks, a touch to the shoulder, etc., should be all it takes to start moving this forward.

Ok he definitely likes you, chitchatting with you and hanging out with you. Do you want to date him? If you want to date him get yourself out of the friendzone by not chitchatting all day or just randomly hanging out.

 

Make a clear cut distinction that it's a date. Stop chatting with him as if he's a male girlfriend. Suggest one-on-one places to go that are more date like and dress nice. Act like it's dating, if that's what you want. If your only question is "is he into me" without your being interested that way what's the point?

This exactly!

Omg you guys are all so right. I’ve been told before that I have a “flirtatious personality” so I try to avoid coming on strong and I think I might have toned it down too much. I think I’ll try cutting down on the amount I talk to him so he doesn’t think I want to just text him all day and maybe try being a liiiiittle flirtier?

Do you want to date him or are you just yanking his chain "being flirtatious" so you have a guy on the hook to string along and talk to? You never mentioned having any interest in dating him. It seems you are more concerned with how to regulate stringing him along.

I have a “flirtatious personality” . I think I’ll try cutting down on the amount I talk to him so he doesn’t think I want to just text him all day

I like him a lot and I would like to date him. Sorry, thought that would be obvious since I’m asking about this in the first place. Kind of crummy to assume someone would care if someone liked them just so they could mess with them. :-/

If you would like to date him then the only sign that matters as far as his interest in dating is if he asks you out on a date or you ask him and he enthusiastically accepts.