Somewhat Healing but not very much.

As I posted before about my 5 year journey this is hard for me. She has contacted me and then blocked me several times in the last couple of days. I keep telling her I want her back and Im sorry but she demands that I shut up. It hurts even more than what it did initially when she broke up with me. I can’t see her date other men. I can’t accept it. I’ll be fine and then random times throughout the day I’ll get really down and upset about it. She says that she only wants to be friends. And I can’t do it. It doesn’t feel right. If I can’t be with her than I don’t want her in my life at all. I know that sounds selfish. I’m going off to college on January 6th and I wanna say goodbye and I feel like that will give me closure. She won’t do it. She has told me several times she hates me and wish she had never came across me. And says that I’m mentally unstable. I’m hurting so bad. Someone please help me. I’ve tried No contact and I can’t resist. It hurts.

I'm very sorry you are going through this. It seems to be a very hard time for you. However, you cannot control her. You are not together and she has every right to see whoever she wants.

It hurts, but as they say, "Time heal all wounds." I don't see anything wrong with cutting her out of your life, especially with some of the things she has said. She sounds very toxic.

You cannot be friends if there are feelings. You need to delete and block. Time for NC so you can heal.

Please leave her alone, or you could end up with a restraining order.

Have you sought therapy?

I'm not trying to minimize your pain, but if someone I dated told me that they hate me, I'd have no problem walking away. At any rate, try taking it one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

I'm a bit confused about the 5 year bit.

Were you together 5 years or did you break up 5 years ago?

If it's the latter you really ought to get some help as you would have what's known as Complicated Grief. And that is a specific field.

I'm sorry for your pain but I don't think it's selfish. I'm 15 months out and it still hurts me every time I hear she's with someone else (unfortunately it's a tight community and we have many mutual friends).

No need to say goodbye. That has already been said if you know what I mean...

Closure comes from within. Even if you met up to say goodbye, the pain won't magically suddenly go away.

That said, getting away and starting your new life should help somewhat.

Carus*

Yes we were together for 5 years.

K, and I'm assuming then that the breakup was recent...

I know it's painful, oh how I know, but by constantly bugging her and breaking NC you're only making it worse...

It sounds like you've already done that though....

Sorry dude.

Try to drop off the face of the earth. That MAY spark some curiosity in her, but again, if you keep coming at her you're pushing her further and further away...

Try to switch your focus to Jan, college, the new year ahead and what you want to achieve in the next 12 months.

It's not easy. Breakups never are.

Carus*

Thanks for the advice. I sucked it up last night and blocked her on everything so I don’t have to look at her. And it kind of made me let go a small bit. It’s gonna take me awhile to heal. I’m just gonna go on and live my life. She’s gonna live hers regardless. It was really painful especially since we were supposed to get married in 2 months. It’s all good. I’ll make it through.

Thanks for the advice. I sucked it up last night and blocked her on everything so I don’t have to look at her. And it kind of made me let go a small bit. It’s gonna take me awhile to heal. I’m just gonna go on and live my life. She’s gonna live hers regardless. It was really painful especially since we were supposed to get married in 2 months. It’s all good. I’ll make it through.

aww that's a lot to deal with buddy .... you did the right thing blocking her . Time will heal ...it does , I promise you x

I am really sorry.

You never said why she broke things off?

Thanks for the advice. I sucked it up last night and blocked her on everything so I don’t have to look at her. And it kind of made me let go a small bit.

Good mate...It's going to be difficult for a while, like giving up cigarettes or heroin even.... But the source of your pain cannot also be the cure*

It’s gonna take me awhile to heal.

I'm 15 months out....5 weeks from her last bread crumb....and still have quite a way to go....

Be patient with yourself. Trying too much to fight against the pain can a lot of the time be like a fly caught in a spiders web. The more you fight and struggle against it, the more ensnared you become....

Try to breathe into the pain. Allow it. Feel it. Let it wash over you....This way your mind, body and soul can process and heal it properly.

I’m just gonna go on and live my life. She’s gonna live hers regardless.

Yup.

It was really painful especially since we were supposed to get married in 2 months.

Very painful....But like I and many others would tell you, be grateful you didn't actually get married, buy a house, have kids, build a life together only to then have it all ripped away from you.....Yes, it would have been worse take it from me :-/

It’s all good. I’ll make it through.

I have no doubt. I believe in you Cam*

Carus*

Thanks for the advice. I sucked it up last night and blocked her on everything so I don’t have to look at her. And it kind of made me let go a small bit. It’s gonna take me awhile to heal. I’m just gonna go on and live my life. She’s gonna live hers regardless. It was really painful especially since we were supposed to get married in 2 months. It’s all good. I’ll make it through.

I'm glad you have blocked her. You'd never get over her until you did block her. Going off to college is great as it will take your mind off her as you get into the swing of school.