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Thread: Girlfriend wants to breakup

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend wants to breakup

    I'm just looking to chat about my situation because it helps to talk about it, I'm sure many of you will have experienced something similar.

    I love my girlfriend. She said she no longer feels the same. We have been together since she was 18, from the beginning of college, we're now in third year of college.

    She went on an exchange for a few months and says she enjoys being alone. That I'm the only person she's ever been with and she wants to figure out life without me.

    I understand, she's only 20, I was her first boyfriend and her first love. She doesn't even know what adult life is like without me because I've always been there. She wants to find herself and she can't do that with me around. I understand but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

    We're waiting until after Christmas to see how she feels but she's been very clear that she wants to be alone. She's just waiting until after Christmas for my sake. She's a very kind girl, she cried so much wishing she didn't feel the way she does and wishing she still loved me.

    There's nothing I can do except let her go and live her life. Its just so painful losing the one who means everything to you. I still hope that after Christmas she will somehow wake up and say "what the hell am I thinking" and regain her feelings but I know there's not much chance. I've always been so kind and treated her so well so I hope that stands to me.

    Thanks for listening

  2. #2
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    This is almost the exact same story as two of my daughters friends ...I love them both and felt so sorry for both of them , but it just came to an end ...she also wanted to experience life as a single person ...was sorry to end it ...but feels it is best and nothing is swaying her , she knew it was right and on many levels so did he . It is a very common story buddy for your age group .

    You will get over this and you will live life to the full again I promise you . On many levels , as cheesy as this is , I do think it really gives a person a back bone to go forward in life when they experience this pain and come out the other side .

    I know it doesn't feel like a positive right now but the fact that you were always kind and treat her well is testiment to what a good person you are ...it doesn't gel two people together , but you can walk away with your head held high .

    Sorry you are going through this ..just take one day at a time and allow yourself the right to grieve and feel sad .

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    This is almost the exact same story as two of my daughters friends ...I love them both and felt so sorry for both of them , but it just came to an end ...she also wanted to experience life as a single person ...was sorry to end it ...but feels it is best and nothing is swaying her , she knew it was right and on many levels so did he . It is a very common story buddy for your age group .

    You will get over this and you will live life to the full again I promise you . On many levels , as cheesy as this is , I do think it really gives a person a back bone to go forward in life when they experience this pain and come out the other side .

    I know it doesn't feel like a positive right now but the fact that you were always kind and treat her well is testiment to what a good person you are ...it doesn't gel two people together , but you can walk away with your head held high .

    Sorry you are going through this ..just take one day at a time and allow yourself the right to grieve and feel sad .
    Thank you very much for your reply. Yeah I feel like this often happens to people around that age, especially when all they know is their first love.
    I am actually a few years older than her. I was in a previous long term relationship which ended a few years before I was with her but I'm crazy about her.


    Thanks for your kind words, I know I'll be okay.
    I wonder if it's okay to hope that someday she might realise what she had and change her mind? I was exceptionally kind to her and helped her through some of the roughest years of her life. I feel like I have to have made a lasting impression of happy memories.
    Having said all this, it isn't until next week that the dreaded breakup will happen if she goes through with it. I'm just trying to steel myself for it

  4. #4
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    I wonder if it's okay to hope that someday she might realise what she had and change her mind?
    Of course it's ok , you have to come to terms with everything in your time ...quite often if that time does come , some way down the line , the person realises they don't want to go backwards and start it up again ...but that's all future stuff .

    Considering you have to wait till next week , I think you have every right to have hope on your side buddy ..I know I would ...and I would LOVE to see you come back here say she had changed her mind . But if that's not the case ..know we are all here for you ....I know inside you feel alone , but you have a whole crowd of us here hoping to at least take the edge off that .

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like she met someone. All you can do is let her go and let her find things out for herself.
    Originally Posted by Redandblue
    She went on an exchange for a few months and says she enjoys being alone. That I'm the only person she's ever been with and she wants to figure out life without me. She's a very kind girl, she cried so much wishing she didn't feel the way she does and wishing she still loved me.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like she met someone. All you can do is let her go and let her find things out for herself.
    Thanks for responding but this isn't the case, In fact I am 100% sure it's not.

    She would just outright tell the truth if that was, that's just who she is. We talked about this because I had the same mindset but it literally is for the reasons I've stated above, nothing more, nothing less.

    Anyway as I said she's home now. And yes all I can do is let her figure out herself.

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    Originally Posted by Redandblue
    Thanks for responding but this isn't the case, In fact I am 100% sure it's not.

    She would just outright tell the truth if that was, that's just who she is. We talked about this because I had the same mindset but it literally is for the reasons I've stated above, nothing more, nothing less.

    Anyway as I said she's home now. And yes all I can do is let her figure out herself.
    I'm sorry, but you can't know that for sure. You have to totally let go of your past perception of your ex, because whoever you were dating was not someone who would break up with you.

    With that said, it's also not a healthy thing to think about. The only real battle is letting go of the past, letting go of the ex. That includes letting go of the kind of trust that belongs to people who are in relationships, not to people who have broken up. Putting that kind of weight on an ex is unhealthy given the nature of what an ex actually means in a person's life.

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    Originally Posted by 11moreweeks
    I'm sorry, but you can't know that for sure. You have to totally let go of your past perception of your ex, because whoever you were dating was not someone who would break up with you.

    With that said, it's also not a healthy thing to think about. The only real battle is letting go of the past, letting go of the ex. That includes letting go of the kind of trust that belongs to people who are in relationships, not to people who have broken up. Putting that kind of weight on an ex is unhealthy given the nature of what an ex actually means in a person's life.
    No nobody knows anything for sure. Let's say then I am quite positive she didn't meet anybody else.
    The reasons she's given are valid, I don't understand why random assumptions of "she met someone else" need to be brought into the equation here. I am quite positive she did not, I have my reasons for believing that and that's all that matters.
    She's not even my ex yet, we're still together but she wants to be alone and explore the world without me. We've agreed that after Christmas if she still feels the same we'll separate.
    Anyway thanks for taking the time to respond

  10. #9
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    what makes you think out of the billions and trillions of people that have had relationships before you that YOUR situation is the first time this has ever happened? I've never understood this about people. With the internet it's not that hard to google your exact situation and read about thousands of other people that have gone thru it and the advice people have given them - be it here or anywhere on the internet. So always try that first. Every single question asked has been asked a million times before.

    When a female says "they don't love you anmore" or break up with you - it is usually pretty final as it means they have been unhappy and thinking about it and debating it and thinking it over for a while and have given it a few chances to change.
    Furthermore, if she's expressed how much she's enjoyed it since the break up - that's like the final step to the "moving on" phase for her.

    I don't think you're getting her back anytime soon or ever again. I'm sorry.

  11. #10
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    I'm sorry, OP. It seems she has outgrown the relationship.

    It sounds like she cares for you very much but just doesn't feel the same way anymore. As others have pointed out, this is very common right around her age and first love-relationships. I don't think something dramatic is going to change between now and the January 1st, but I understand why she's agreeing to stick it out over the holidays to avoid making waves, so to speak. An ex and I once did the same, and it was honestly the only time in my life I just wanted Christmas to be over. I knew it was going to be our last one together and the performative aspect (in front of our families, who didn't yet know we were on the very edge of a break-up after several years together) was draining and just plain depressing. We officially broke up about a week into January that year.

    You are going to be best to set each other free. She is already emotionally checked out. You will heal, but be patient and kind with yourself.

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