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Thread: Girlfriend wants to breakup

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    what makes you think out of the billions and trillions of people that have had relationships before you that YOUR situation is the first time this has ever happened? I've never understood this about people. With the internet it's not that hard to google your exact situation and read about thousands of other people that have gone thru it and the advice people have given them - be it here or anywhere on the internet. So always try that first. Every single question asked has been asked a million times before.

    When a female says "they don't love you anmore" or break up with you - it is usually pretty final as it means they have been unhappy and thinking about it and debating it and thinking it over for a while and have given it a few chances to change.
    Furthermore, if she's expressed how much she's enjoyed it since the break up - that's like the final step to the "moving on" phase for her.

    I don't think you're getting her back anytime soon or ever again. I'm sorry.
    How bitter are you. Did you even read anything I said in the op? the first line "I'm just looking to chat about my situation because it helps to talk about it, I'm sure many of you will have experienced something similar." Of course I know it's not the first time this has happened, it happens all the time every day. What are you even talking about? I didn't ask for any advice, I didn't ask any questions. I simply said it helps me to talk about my situation and vent. I specifically said in my first post that there's not much chance of her regaining her feelings. I don't need you lambasting me for no reason. Please refain from commenting pointless negativity, I definitely don't need that at the moment.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I'm sorry, OP. It seems she has outgrown the relationship.

    It sounds like she cares for you very much but just doesn't feel the same way anymore. As others have pointed out, this is very common right around her age and first love-relationships. I don't think something dramatic is going to change between now and the January 1st, but I understand why she's agreeing to stick it out over the holidays to avoid making waves, so to speak. An ex and I once did the same, and it was honestly the only time in my life I just wanted Christmas to be over. I knew it was going to be our last one together and the performative aspect (in front of our families, who didn't yet know we were on the very edge of a break-up after several years together) was draining and just plain depressing. We officially broke up about a week into January that year.

    You are going to be best to set each other free. She is already emotionally checked out. You will heal, but be patient and kind with yourself.
    Thanks for the reply. Yes she definitely does care for me very much and she is very kind but yes it's extremely common for people in this age bracket. I mean she's only been with me and doesn't know anything else so I understand it but it's still awful for me. I agree, I don't think anything is going to change either but I think it's okay to have a small bit of hope, it's not like I can get rid of it completely even If I wanted to.
    I'm just having a fun time with her and trying to enjoy our last days together so she can have even more fond memories of me when she leaves. When we're together it's not like anything has changed, we're both extremely affectionate physically and verbally but I'm not under any illusion. I know her need to venture out on her own outweighs what she feels for me now. If we are meant to be together someday in the future we will be and if not then so be it.

  3. #13
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    Give her a lot of space and room to grow and she'll take notice.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Give her a lot of space and room to grow and she'll take notice.
    I will thanks for the advise.

    At the end I plan on just telling her to go and be happy and if she ever believes she's made a mistake someday in the future she can reach out to me. Then I'll go no contact.

    Not that I'll wait around. I know I'll need to fully move on but who knows what the future holds.

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  6. #15
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    Redandblue- I would take anyone's opinion here with a grain and salt. I always think their are people on this site who are butt hurt and turn that into being a bully.

    With that being said, I know you think she may have not found someone, but it sure sounds like it. If, she hasn't, then maybe she intends to?

    Like everyone else said, give her lots of space, and do you! We have a million fish in the sea, don't hold someone so high.

    Enjoy yourself, hit the gym, find a new hobby, and before you know it, this post will be mute. Maybe, she will see this change and run back, maybe she won't.

    *Do you*

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    Redandblue- I would take anyone's opinion here with a grain and salt. I always think their are people on this site who are butt hurt and turn that into being a bully.

    With that being said, I know you think she may have not found someone, but it sure sounds like it. If, she hasn't, then maybe she intends to?

    Like everyone else said, give her lots of space, and do you! We have a million fish in the sea, don't hold someone so high.

    Enjoy yourself, hit the gym, find a new hobby, and before you know it, this post will be mute. Maybe, she will see this change and run back, maybe she won't.

    *Do you*
    Thanks for the reply. Yeah Its definitely people turning their own frustrations against others but it's not great when people are looking for support.

    I am very very sure she hasn't found someone else. But yes after some time she will definitely want to I assume.

    She told me one of main reasons for us breaking up is because she's so dependant on me and she needs to know she can handle adult life herself.
    For the first year and a half of us being together she was very ill and relied on me a lot to get her through it so I understand where she's coming from.

    We had a lovely day together yesterday. She is definitely still attracted to me but this is what she needs to grow and that's okay.

    She told me that she could easily stay with me but that this would just happen 6 months down the road again because she needs to be alone.
    I think If i tried to make her stay and never let her find herself she would just eventually resent me for it even if we stayed together

    Unfortunately I'm already an avid gym goer so I can't add onto that and music college takes up much of time but I have that to focus on.

  8. #17
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    I just wouldn't base your whole life on her coming back to you.
    The problem is, people get into a downward spiral of "maybe they will come back" and this hope may carry them for awhile, but this usually leads to disappointment.

    "She told me that she could easily stay with me but that this would just happen 6 months down the road again because she needs to be alone"
    This, is an example of staying in the mindset of "maybe she will come back" or her stringing you along. Let her go, let her fly, and maybe she will come back. But, don't invest yourself into her.

    "If it is meant to be, then it will be"

  9. #18
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    Please do not try and be friends with her, this will be devaluing and even more painful. You do not want to hear about her new boyfriends. You should not be there for her, you are no longer dating, or her therapist. Wish her well, and tell not to contact you unless she wants reconciliation.

    Once you have healed- a year down the road- you could reestablish a friendship if you wish.

    I am sorry for your pain. Merry Christmas.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    I just wouldn't base your whole life on her coming back to you.
    The problem is, people get into a downward spiral of "maybe they will come back" and this hope may carry them for awhile, but this usually leads to disappointment.

    "She told me that she could easily stay with me but that this would just happen 6 months down the road again because she needs to be alone"
    This, is an example of staying in the mindset of "maybe she will come back" or her stringing you along. Let her go, let her fly, and maybe she will come back. But, don't invest yourself into her.

    "If it is meant to be, then it will be"
    I agree. This is a string along comment.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by AlexIsok12
    I just wouldn't base your whole life on her coming back to you.
    The problem is, people get into a downward spiral of "maybe they will come back" and this hope may carry them for awhile, but this usually leads to disappointment.

    "She told me that she could easily stay with me but that this would just happen 6 months down the road again because she needs to be alone"
    This, is an example of staying in the mindset of "maybe she will come back" or her stringing you along. Let her go, let her fly, and maybe she will come back. But, don't invest yourself into her.

    "If it is meant to be, then it will be"
    Thanks for replying. I feel like I might not have been very clear there. What I meant was she said that if she did stay with me, in 6 months time this would happen again and she would want to be alone because that's what she needs and there's no point postponing it.

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