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Thread: My mother never lets my little sister ,13, do anything.

  1. #1
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    My mother never lets my little sister ,13, do anything.

    My parents were teen parents. They had my older sister when they were 16, me when they were 22, and my little sister when they were 31. As a result of us being so spaced out and my parents trying to navigate life and my father being out of the picture for a few years; my older sister basically raised me, and I basically raised my little sister. We had no lives, although my older sister still was able to have some semblance of one... I was never able to really make lasting friendships as I couldnít do the things they could. No sleepovers, no parties, they couldnít come over my house. In high school, I couldnít do sports, clubs, go to games or anything really. My mother would always make excuses for why I couldnít do anything even when I would ask an aunt if she could watch my little sister. It was always either my grades werenít good enough when I would have like 1 C, or I didnít clean the house, when I was the only one that did clean. I also washed and folded everyoneís clothes and cooked. It was horrible for me, I have a great deal of resentment towards my mother for it. I was never able to live my life, and I feel it negatively impacted the person I became. Left me feeling isolated, depressed, and suicidal for a long time. Iím 22, and just now feeling better.

    Now I see my mother doing it to my little sister, and it bothers me so much. She is lucky enough to not have to worry about anyone but her self. She doesnít have to take care of a kid while she is a kid. She has good grades, and yet my mother rarely lets her do anything. Sheís a social butterfly and she wants to do things that her friends do, and sheís a great kid. Sheís not fresh and I trust her to make good decisions. It breaks my heart to see this happening to her.

    Has anyone been through this ? Why is my mother like this ?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    She was a teen parent. Children raising children, why she did what she did, she may not even know. To free yourself, it might be helpful to forgive her for yourself, that desnt mean you forget everything you went through but you let go of the weight pulling you down, unfortunately that was your past. It sucks trust me I know, but it cant be changed, you're in charge of your future and the skys the limit.

    As for your little sister, be there for her. You'd be surprised how important of a role you can potentially play.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who still lives at home? Is your father back in the picture? Do you, your older sister still live at home or do either of you go away to school or have your own places? What is the current household composition?

    Was your mother working as well as trying to raise 3 kids as a single mother? Did she ever go back to school or does she have meaningful/decently paid work?

    What about extended family? Do you have aunts, uncles, grandparents nearby? All you can do is be sort of a mentor role model for your younger sister. Your mother sounds like a struggling single mom, teen parent who herself never had a childhood. Focus on making the best life for yourself. Your mother had a rough life and may be bitter and broken.

    Take your kid sister out once in a while, be a good listener. Most of all go to college, get a good job and be a good role model.
    Originally Posted by mannett
    my older sister basically raised me, and I basically raised my little sister. I have a great deal of resentment towards my mother for it. Left me feeling isolated, depressed, and suicidal for a long time.

    Now I see my mother doing it to my little sister. my mother rarely lets her do anything.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Ok I can relate to this in a different way. My parents were not teen parents, and my dad was always there. However my mother was very strict and I didnt get to do a lot of things other kids did. I couldn't join Brownies, I could not have a bicycle, only a tricycle and roller skates. No joining any kid type group like other kids did. I used to wonder why this is. My brother had all kinds of freedom I didnt have. He became a psychologist and I asked him about this unfair treatment. He said it was a control thing with mother. No bicycle meant I couldn't get too far from home, easily. She was all about control Same with joining kid groups. I think she didnt trust anyone, either.

    She also did not value females, she was raised to think females were inferior, and only males could do things and then succeed in life. Thank god the world has mostly moved on from this antiquated way of thinking.

    Your mother being a teen mom is likely a lot of the issue. She would not likely want you or your kid sister becoming sexually active any time soon and becoming a teen mom too as that is such a tough row to hoe. If she keeps you kids close to her, then the odds of you or kid sister becoming a teen mom are hopefully lessened a lot. I think that was part of my mother's thinking, tho she would never have admitted it. Just my two cents worth.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Who still lives at home? Is your father back in the picture? Do you, your older sister still live at home or do either of you go away to school or have your own places? What is the current household composition?

    Was your mother working as well as trying to raise 3 kids as a single mother? Did she ever go back to school or does she have meaningful/decently paid work?

    What about extended family? Do you have aunts, uncles, grandparents nearby? All you can do is be sort of a mentor role model for your younger sister. Your mother sounds like a struggling single mom, teen parent who herself never had a childhood. Focus on making the best life for yourself. Your mother had a rough life and may be bitter and broken.

    Take your kid sister out once in a while, be a good listener. Most of all go to college, get a good job and be a good role model.

    My father has always been in our lives, but he was away for about 5 years from when I was 13 to 18. My older sister lived on her own, and thatís when I raised my little sister. My parents have been together for more than half of their lives, but they have had a lot of drama in their marriage. I live at home while I commute to college, Iím a junior majoring in nursing. My older sister lives at home because she recently had a health scare. And my father is also home, but he basically letís my mother decide everything.

    I try to take her out, but I work. My schedule and my major is very demanding, now that Iím on break Iíll try more. Tell her to invite some of friends. I doubt itíll be enough though.

  7. #6
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    I too think your mom knows how horribly hard it was to be a teen mom and didnít want that for her daughters so she tried make sure that would not happen. It doesnít make it easier but it is an explanation. Like melancholy my mom was treated as inferior to her brother so she made sure to treat me as equal to boys. However I was treated more harshly than my brother emotionally. Why? My momís explanation? I was super hard on you and made you tow the line because you are the eldest and I want you to be better than me so I was super hard on you and pushed and pushed .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mannett
    My father has always been in our lives, but he was away for about 5 years from when I was 13 to 18. My older sister lived on her own, and thatís when I raised my little sister. My parents have been together for more than half of their lives, but they have had a lot of drama in their marriage. I live at home while I commute to college, Iím a junior majoring in nursing. My older sister lives at home because she recently had a health scare. And my father is also home, but he basically letís my mother decide everything.

    I try to take her out, but I work. My schedule and my major is very demanding, now that Iím on break Iíll try more. Tell her to invite some of friends. I doubt itíll be enough though.
    It will be.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Despite the troubles your teen parents had, it seems they raised a smart ambitious caring young woman.
    Originally Posted by mannett
    I live at home while I commute to college, Iím a junior majoring in nursing.


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