Stupid Argument - Venting

My fiancé came home from work and told me all about his day. How hard he worked, how tired he is etc. Well he noticed our baby’s diaper looked full so he made a comment about it. And then I asked him if he would change their diaper well he got all defensive saying no I’m tired from work you do it. So I got defensive back and said you don’t see the baby all day can’t you just change a diaper!? And he replies with No I’m tired. And now we are both in separate rooms. I know I know. Stupid. But I had to vent. Sometimes it’s littke stuff like this that we argue about and I’m not the one who apologizes first but should I? .... am i over reacting? Or should he? (I ended up changing the diaper btw.)

Honest it just sounds like a pretty normal peck at each other ...he is tired , you are tired , he has been at work so feels you should do it and you have done it all day and are busy so feel he should do it ...these are dynamics between a couple that just need to get in tune or find some middle ground of understanding on both sides .

From your prior posts, it seems like this kind of stuff happens a lot.

Thank you for the feedback!

Why does it take your fiance coming home to notice your baby's diaper is full of bio waste?

I had given my baby a bath and changed their diaper before he got home and once he got home we realized she needed another change

Nope not “soiled” but my baby did need a diaper change.

That is soiled. Change his diaper. Preferably before someone has to come home to notice it.

He did not come home, walk through the door and notice a soiled diaper. He came home, sat down, talked and then We realized it was time for a change. I changed My baby’s diaper and it was not soiled but wet. Thanks though.

This is not just about one dirty diaper.

You wrote a few weeks ago that you had discovered that he cheated on you while you were pregnant:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555775

You are still reeling from this, so every little selfish thing he does reminds you of his cheating, doesn't it? And aren't you sitting on pins and needles wondering when the next time will be?

No my baby did not

Hi, no I am not still sitting on pins and needles wondering. That is the past and right now we are both focused on building trust and moving forward. I’m not an angel. I’ve hurt him too but we’re wiling to work through our problems. This post isn’t about that though, it’s about a stupid little argument that happened (TONIGHT). I kinda feel like I should just move on from it honestly, it’s so dumb lol arguing over a diaper. 😄

Oh no do not feel bad for my baby At all please! They are taken care of. This was just a venting post. Thank you!

This is the same guy who cheats on you and is generally a jerk to you, no? The one you family doesn't like because he's got a snappy atttitude?

Welcome to the rest of your life, OP. This is who he is. You're choosing to stay, knowing how he is. What sort of advice are you actually looking for?

You want to be an unemployed SAHM so why is this his job after work? You already know about his attitude problem. You don't want to move out. You don't want to work, you don't want to live with your parents, you want more babies asap, so since these are all your choices you may have to get used to how things are with him and this life you've chosen. You also enjoy the chronic arguing and bickering as much as he does.

he noticed our baby’s diaper looked full so he made a comment about it. And then I asked him if he would change their diaper well he got all defensive saying no I’m tired from work you do it.

Wow. I got a 4 month old and my husband and I don’t fight over changing a baby diaper. We see it we do it. It only takes a minute to do it. Ya’ll are being ridiculous to fight over something so petty

From other posts it's evident this relationship is toxic and that the problem is greater than a diaper. If you're not working and he's paying for everything, no he shouldn't be changing diapers when he comes from work but there shouldn't be such a problem and arguing with him changing a diaper once in a while when he sees it needs to.

My fiancé came home from work and told me all about his day. How hard he worked, how tired he is etc. Well he noticed our baby’s diaper looked full so he made a comment about it. And then I asked him if he would change their diaper well he got all defensive saying no I’m tired from work you do it. So I got defensive back and said you don’t see the baby all day can’t you just change a diaper!? And he replies with No I’m tired. And now we are both in separate rooms. I know I know. Stupid. But I had to vent. Sometimes it’s littke stuff like this that we argue about and I’m not the one who apologizes first but should I? .... am i over reacting? Or should he? (I ended up changing the diaper btw.)

I think you talk in advance about what expectations are for child care - and not seeing the baby all day doesn't mean he'd choose to bond by changing a diaper. When I was home full time and my husband worked full time we knew he was "on duty" so to speak when he got home because I needed a break -so there was no "talk" -he came home and he took care of whatever -played with the baby or changed his diaper, bath, whatever. The more you communicate in advance the better. You didn't "have to vent" you chose to express your frustration by venting. You have to learn ways to calm yourself down so that you can deal with situations like this without venting each time. I know because I live it, because I lose it too and I know how it feels after and I work all the time on expressing whatever emotion in an appropriate way. Also your child deserves to grow up in as calm an environment as possible - life is stressful sometimes sure and kids need to see that too but it's also much better if they see adults calming themselves down when they're frustrated and speaking in as calm a tone as is possible to each other. A baby absorbs the negativity.

👃🐽😮💦😨👶💩🤢☔🎭🧦

Nope not “soiled” but my baby did need a diaper change.

Sorry people, I know that's out of topic but what does soiled mean? English is not my first language and I don't have babies and can't find the meaning in this context online

Does it mean "pooped all over"? Lol

No no I’m not trying to say this is his job after work I’m saying I asked him to change it just once this night and he got defensive about it so I’m seeking advice on if I should just move the f*ck on. It’s just a damn diaper lol

I think they meant just really really soaking wet. Which my baby wasn’t lol

Thank you. Best comment. Coming from a parent too, thank you. I now realize how dumb it is too bicker over something like this

No no I’m not trying to say this is his job after work I’m saying I asked him to change it just once this night and he got defensive about it so I’m seeking advice on if I should just move the f*ck on. It’s just a damn diaper lol

No, you two need to do a much better job outlining expectations of each other regarding childcare.

But really, you two are likely always going to struggle as a couple simply because the problems between you run much more deeply than one dirty diaper.

What Batya said 100%.

So only going by this one post, try what she suggested. Even without a child, when two people live together and are both busy and working hard, you have to communicate all the time about division of labour and what you both need if you want to prevent needless little fights. Having a child makes it even more important - and it's not just about you two, the baby deserves a calm stable atmosphere seeing grown ups dealing with conflict in a mature way. You are modelling, even when they are babies.

Maybe sit down when the baby is in bed. Make a specific regular agreement for where and when to discuss family stuff. I wouldn't try to pounce anything on him when he just gets home. Understandable you need breaks too, it's working out specifically when and how in hard detail together. Key is together. Perhaps after he has a little wind down time after work.