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Please, help me (if you are not afraid of long stories)


Silentiosa

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Hello,

 

I'm in desperate need for friendly help, because I have been losing my mind trying to figure out what's happening. I must warn you that I'm very bad at interpreting people's behaviour. I have never been able to understand, if a man likes me, so I beg your pardon in advance, because my post is long, but I have to start from the beginning so that you can see the context. Will try to structure it for your convenience. And... thank you so much for your patience!

 

1) I'm Russian, 29, in love with a Frenchman. He's 43, divorced, raising alone an 11-year-old girl with dysphasia. He works very hard, 6 days a week, often till late at night, and he also has a lot of hobbies where he invests all his energy: he regularly takes part at various cycling races, he paints, plays guitar and reads a lot. That seems to help him to surmount his problems. He'a quite an introverted person, I must add.

 

2) According to my friends who know him, he's a man with a golden heart, but an extremely unhappy personal life. He has always dreamed to be with a Russian woman (that's what he has told me as well), his wife was Russian, but she left. After that he had some other unsuccessful attempts, and I know that the last Russian woman simply disappeared (she left France and stopped replying his calls and msgs).

 

3) He messaged me on fb this summer saying he was interested by my profile. I wasn't very enthusiastic, because I had just been betrayed by another man. At that period of time I was on holiday in Paris. He was in another town for work. He asked me to meet him when he was back and during the weeks before his return he wrote me every 4-5 days, sent me his drawings (most of them representing very feminine women wearing beautiful dresses and jewellery) as well as photos of him, his friends and family.

 

4) When we met first, I was shocked: I had never seen such unhappy and desperate eyes, the eyes of someone who is ready to take his own life (my mother and her friends told me he had the eyes of a maniac). He was very polite, protective and caring. But... he was also weird. Very serious, thoughtful, even gloomy, but from time to time he behaved like a clown, speaking in an unnatural voice, laughing hysterically, saying and doing strange things. But his eyes remained sad. During one of such moments he put his head on my shoulder, what paralysed me. I could feel him reducing the distance between us very fast.

He praised my beauty, analysed my outfit and asked me, if I always wore such beautiful dresses and jewellery, asked me about my favourite books, hobbies etc. He also wanted to buy me a gift and invited me to visit various shops and when I thanked him and told him that I had everything, he gave me a set with his company logo saying "I do want you to have memories from our first meeting."

 

5) During the second meeting two days later he showed me his office, introduced me to many of his fellows and... suddenly kissed me on the cheek with passion. After that we went to a restaurant where he asked me about my relations with my father (all the men ask me about that, I don't know why). He wanted to have more meetings, but I found an excuse not to and politely refused his help, when he wanted to accompany me to the airport the day of my departure. BUT when it was time to leave Paris, I understood that I really liked him as a man, that I missed him, I wanted to see him, I was so ashamed of myself, of having been so cold. I wrote him, thanked him for his kindness and told myself I was going to come back in autumn to see him.

 

6) He wrote me the next day after my departure and then and told me he liked me a lot and wanted to see me again. I didn't tell him "me too", but I decided to tell that to him personally in Paris and said I wanted to come in November. After restarting his work he messaged me quite seldom, but each conversation was long and meaningful, though sometimes VERY difficult. From time to time he asked me extremely personal questions and tried to speak about sex, explaining that provoking me like this was the best way to know me. He also suggested that I should stay with him during my upcoming trip, but I politely refused. He was sad saying that it was a chance to spend more time together, because he was too dependent on his working schedule and his daughter's time-table.

 

7) I started trusting him, when he introduced me to his daughter on fb videochat. Then I didn't know he lived with her and when he told me one day (WE are going to have dinner), I didn't manage to hide my jealousy. He showed her to me, said that my jealousy was very good and did a virtual tour around his home to "prove there was no ofher woman". Unfortunately, I was ill and didn't show myself, what made him sad.

 

8) Two days before my arrival he said he wanted to invite me to his home to introduce me to his daughter and to prove that he was a "decent man despite all he told me from time to time". I was so happy! And... the day of our meeting came. We were in a restaurant, he was extremely caring, kind and tender. He repeated that he wanted me to meet his child, asked me what I thought about her. He also said he was going to change his job and hoped to use his next holiday to come to Russia. He also told me, he was considering to start learning my language. I also wanted to make him happy and... I told him about my plans to go to Poland for studies to get citizenship (I have Polish ancestors and can get one within a year). I wanted to show him that I had no intention to use him, like many Russians do in Europe. But... his reaction was strange. He stopped speaking of his daughter. He became sad. Then we went for a walk. He turned into a clown again. He also hugged and kissed me all the time (but never on the lips). He was jealous, when someone looked ar me in the street. Then he suggested that we should spend the night together. I couldn't do that, it was only our third meeting. When it was time to say goodbye, and we came to the metro station, he asked me: "Are you sure you don't want us to spend this night together? Because I don't know, when I will see you again..." I was shocked. "Ok, maybe when you are in Poland" - he said bitterly. Then he hugged me, cuddled me, he didn't want to let me go, he covered me with kisses (but still not on the lips) and it seemed to me that there were tears in his eyes. Then he said: "Go". I went towards the trains, but after a few steps turned to him to tell him about my feelings, but he said with a fake smile: "Just go".

 

9) The next days were a true torture for me. He didn't message me and I knew we were not going to meet. I could no longer bear it and wrote him about my feelings on fb, adding that he was the very purpose of my trip. He said that it was unexpected, for he was sure I wanted "to move to Poland to discover a new life". I was speechless. My best intentions had led to such a stupid misunderstanding. He said that he wanted to see me before my departure, but that it was too difficult due to his work and the necessity to look after his child. I bitterly replied that he seemed too busy for my stupidities, but he said that he was deeply touched and that my beautiful words were not stupidities.

 

10) When I returned to my country, he launched another videochat with his daughter, but he called me very late and caught me in the bathroom, so I spoke to him without showing myself again. He was very disappointed saying: "We both work till late at night and the next time may be in a month, in two months, in three months..." He had also asked me what I thought about his daughter. I replied that she was beautiful (and she really is). After the conversation I realised I had completely forgotten to ask whether he wanted to meet in winter. I wrote him, but he was already offline. He read my msg in the morning, but didn't reply. It wasn't a big deal: he often couldn't reply at once and did it later, even the next day, but with long messages. But I was worried, because there were cheap tickets that I wanted to grab. In the evening I sarcastically thanked him for showing "such great enthousiasm". He replied in his typical mocking manner "Welcome :) I don't know anything, that's why I didn't reply." It offended me and I said: "If so, no need to speak about that. Bye." He replied: "Bye... Good night to you... Bisous"

 

I spent the whole week crying, before understanding that actually I should have waited for his reply without being nervous. I wrote him to apologise and he quickly replied: "Hi :) Why are you saying that you were unbearable? I didn't notice that. It's otherwise, you are always very calm and polite. At the moment I'm at work, but we will talk asap." And we haven't spoken for the whole month, though he liked and commented my posts on fb a few times.

 

Well... sometimes we didn't speak for 2 weeks, but a month with nothing but a few likes and comments... He comes to fb 2-3 times a day just for 2-3 minutes. But it all is torturing me. Have I spoilt everything? Am I expecting too much from a broken-hearted person working day and night and raising a disabled child? Perhaps he believed that I didn't like his daughter and decided to call it a day after the videochat? Why has there been no evolution of our relations after my "coming out"? Am I a brainless overthinker?.. Do I have a chance?.. Does he seem to really like me? Tomorrow is his birthday, I have composed a beautiful message with my best wishes for him and his daughter whom I really like. But I'm so afraid to write him... Initiating the dialogue is a torture for me and I'm so afraid to ask him anything about his long silence as well... What to do?.. Is there any hope?.. Sorry again about such a long post, but my head is exploding.

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A chance for what. The guy sounds strange, he is also only looking for sex. If someone is discussing sex with you before you are having sex, it is clear that this is all they want. It should have been a red flag, along with all of the other bizarre behaviour.

 

You need to find someone local, available and without do many issues.

 

Be done with this !

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I would not waste any more time or energy on this strange man, OP.

 

He doesn't sound like he's all there. He's talking about sex, inviting you to meet his daughter, telling you he wants to learn your language - and you two have barely even met. You've been out a couple times. He's virtually a stranger attempting to move things at warp speed and then doing a complete turnaround and making you feel guilty about it. Mature, rational adults don't behave like this. Especially those with a minor child to consider first.

 

There are so many red flags here. Do not bother trying to make anything else happen with him.

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Thank you very much for your opinions. I do agree that he's really strange, but he always seemed kind-hearted and caring (he's also incredibly handsome, though looking extremely tired, worn out and older, as if he were 50, not 43).

 

He often told me that our points of view were quite different, but that it was interesting. He really wanted to move things at an incredible speed. For example, when at the 2nd meeting I told him that our mutual friend was looking for a flat, he asked: "Why isn't she moving to her darling's?" I said: "They have known each other only for two months." His face fell and he replied: "I don't understand why it matters, if people love each other. Don't you believe in love? Don't you believe people can be sincere?"

 

He liked teasing my "medieval" principles, saying: "Your principles regarding relations between man and woman seem very strict and it's scary. I also have principles, I respect women, but I'm also a living human being. Liberate yourself, I have no evil intentions."

 

He also very much liked the way I dress, except the length of my dresses and skirts. At the last meeting he told me he would like me to wear jeans or short dresses, so that everyone sees how beautiful I am, what made me sad.

 

He always told me: "You close like a clam, when I'm trying to speak of love relationship with you. You are so strange." I asked him once: "You mean sexual relantionship?" He said: "I've never meant only that, read carefully my previous messages." And he definitely needed more than sex, or he would not have introduced me again to his daughter now, after my departure, while it isn't even clear when or if I will come again. But it does seem that our disappointing (for him and his daughter who became sad) videochat, when I couldn't show myself (the middle of the night, totally unprepared, with allergy on my cheek) was the last straw for him, though I promised that next time we would speak normally.............

 

Today is his birthday. I wrote him a very heartwarming message wishing all the best to him and his daughter, and sent it late at night. He read it and replied: "Thank you, my beauty, I'm glad to know you though our viewpoints on some subjects are different. It's a true treasure to think over other viewpoints. Happy holidays to you. Kisses"

 

I'm still stunned. He always wrote me something like that, when we had quarelled due to his attempts at talking about intimacy. I don't understand what's going on. I wrote: "Thank you for your kind reply. I hope you are not angry with me, because it's been a long time and your silence made me think that you wanted neither to see me, nor to speak to me anymore and I was sad about it."

 

My mother has told me: "You see, he has mental problems. He may even be dangerous for you. I would not let you stay with him, if you were going to France again. He even has the eyes of someone who is ready either to kill himself, or to kill others." But my stupid heart is crying without him. I have never met such a sweet and tender person. He still hasn't read my reply, I'm very scared. I can't even cry, I have been crying for the whole month. I can't eat, I have lost weight because of that. What's it to be?....... Honestly speaking, I'm trying to think that it's not a coincidence that he has not been able to find his happiness for many years.

 

But I can't get rid of this terrible feeling that I'm the one who has spoilt everything. I almost never initiated the dialogue (writing first to a man is a true heroism in my eyes), I was too serious when he tried to flirt (he did not do that too well, but...), I was too shy, often went red and did not dare to look at him (he used to say it made me even more fascinating). I can't stop blaming myself. I feel like a loser that has turned off a good man who was considering a serious relationship with me (or he would not have introduced me to his child).

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Thank you, Limichelle, I meant, each time he was nervous, he started saying weird things in a very unnatural voice, laughing hysterically, doing weird things as well (like in the restaurant, when we needed to move the table so that I could get up he said: "I'm going to liberate you" and moved the table in the centre of the hall, or started to speak about me to a woman at another table: "Look at her, she doesn't want to eat her pizza, she's like a small child who doesn't want to eat her breakfast. We are going to do something about it.")

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Sounds like you want someone to tell you it's OK to date this man. Even though your own mother is concerned.

 

Just date him then! You're old enough to do whatever you want. Just don't be surprised when things go downhill because his behavior and words have given you plenty of warning.

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A chance for what. The guy sounds strange, he is also only looking for sex. If someone is discussing sex with you before you are having sex, it is clear that this is all they want. It should have been a red flag, along with all of the other bizarre behaviour.

 

You need to find someone local, available and without do many issues.

 

Be done with this !

 

Actually he's not looking only for sex, because if it were the case, he would not have organised another virtual meeting between his daughter and me after my departure, now that it is not clear when or if I'm going to come back. So, he was considering serious relationship, but I do agree that he is very strange. You may have a look at my previous replies, if yoi wish...

 

As for my father, that we mentioned in another thread, well... he never cared about me, while this man is raising alone a disabled child and is working day and night to support and try to treat her. My father was a terrible "womaniser" sleeping with every woman he met, even seeing one for the first time. This man, according to people who know him, is looking for something serious and "dreams to be loved", though "hiding his wounds behind a weird and sometimes rude behaviour"...

 

But it doesn't make the situation easier, even otherwise...

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Hi

It does look like you are expecting a bit too much from a broken heart like his. He is probably clinically depressed. If you want to work it out with him, you'll have to be really really really patient. If possible, hang out with a normal guy. Its not good for your mental health. Break away from him or he is going to take you down with him.

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Bringing up sex so early is clearly and indicator of what he is seeking. You have only met this guy twice and do not know him.

 

I question you and you attraction to a man that is a huge project. Why are you pursuing someone who is so imbalanced and has so many issues? On top of it he has a horrendous work schedule. I think you need to address why you are attracted to this. You need to look within.

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Bringing up sex so early is clearly and indicator of what he is seeking. You have only met this guy twice and do not know him.

 

I question you and you attraction to a man that is a huge project. Why are you pursuing someone who is so imbalanced and has so many issues? On top of it he has a horrendous work schedule. I think you need to address why you are attracted to this. You need to look within.

 

 

I don't approve of sex on the early stages of a relationship either, but I do know couples whose relationship really is serious, but sex happened very early. In my eyes it is risky, but people are different.

 

Why can't I so easily drop him? Because I have feelings towards him and feelings don't vanish in a twinkle of an eye. I do understand that there always are difficulties, no relations are simple, if personal comfort becomes the only criterium, that means we are not seeking love, we are seeking a person who may become a resource to satisfy our needs, physical, emotional or both. Of course, there are things that exclude any relationship: cheating, lies, abuse, but fortunately it is not the case here, or I would not be trying to understand all of this. In my eyes, if a man has suffered a lot and has become unstable because of this and if he has to work hard to support his disabled daughter, it's a good reason to support him. I wasn't happy that he is living with a child, but these are the circumstances of his life, it's not his fault.

 

What I want to understand is whether I have done something wrong and, if yes, when.

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Hi

It does look like you are expecting a bit too much from a broken heart like his. He is probably clinically depressed. If you want to work it out with him, you'll have to be really really really patient. If possible, hang out with a normal guy. Its not good for your mental health. Break away from him or he is going to take you down with him.

 

Yes, he does seem to have mental issues. He is subscribed to pages of psychological help, he regularly speaks to a sophrologist. There is also a girl hopelessly in love with him and whom he has removed from his friends because of her obsession. I have visited her page, where lots of posts and comments are dedicated to him, there she spoke a lot about his mental state and looks like it is really bad, but... I can't do anything about my feelings. I hoped to help him. There are two men, whom my mother likes a lot and I do understand that with any of them I would have no problems, but I feel nothing towards them. What an evil irony...

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You can mention all the general cliches you want but if you pay attention to what is actually happening with this person then there are many red flags. No need to wait for your feelings to disappear since you have control over your reactions to your feelings. For example, if you were really angry with someone and wanted to hit them, would you hang around the person who was triggering angry feelings and wait for the feelings to disappear or would you keep your distance to avoid the temptation to act on your feelings? Same here - you can feel what you feel and choose to react in a way that is healthful and makes sense.

 

Is it possible you like the thrill of being with someone who tells you he is complicated and troubled and who doesn't treat you with decency and respect? Do you seek out drama in other aspects of your life and mistake it for love or other positive emotions?

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You can mention all the general cliches you want but if you pay attention to what is actually happening with this person then there are many red flags. No need to wait for your feelings to disappear since you have control over your reactions to your feelings. For example, if you were really angry with someone and wanted to hit them, would you hang around the person who was triggering angry feelings and wait for the feelings to disappear or would you keep your distance to avoid the temptation to act on your feelings? Same here - you can feel what you feel and choose to react in a way that is healthful and makes sense.

 

Is it possible you like the thrill of being with someone who tells you he is complicated and troubled and who doesn't treat you with decency and respect? Do you seek out drama in other aspects of your life and mistake it for love or other positive emotions?

 

He has never told me anything about his mental state. He only mentioned once that he had "wounds".

 

Of course, I'm not seeking drama, I have been seeking happiness with this person and just a month ago everything was wonderful. Apart from the three times he has said "naughty" things (outweighed by the fact he has introduced me to his child) and his strange behaviour now, I have nothing to blame him for. And I'm trying to understand whether I could have triggered the current situation by my behaviour that many people mistake for indifference and arrogance. I'm afraid, for example, that he could have thought I didn't like his daughter and had refused to show myself during the videochat because of this, while in reality I was afraid to disappoint her with my "unprepared" looks in the middle of the night. Perhaps I'm an overthinker.

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He has never told me anything about his mental state. He only mentioned once that he had "wounds".

 

Of course, I'm not seeking drama, I have been seeking happiness with this person and just a month ago everything was wonderful. Apart from the three times he has said "naughty" things (outweighed by the fact he has introduced me to his child) and his strange behaviour now, I have nothing to blame him for. And I'm trying to understand whether I could have triggered the current situation by my behaviour that many people mistake for indifference and arrogance. I'm afraid, for example, that he could have thought I didn't like his daughter and had refused to show myself during the videochat because of this, while in reality I was afraid to disappoint her with my "unprepared" looks in the middle of the night. Perhaps I'm an overthinker.

 

Here are the issues you wrote about that are all red flags or at least of serious concern and all when you barely know him

 

:

extremely unhappy personal life.

 

3) He messaged me on fb this summer saying he was interested by my profile.

4) When we met first, I was shocked: I had never seen such unhappy and desperate eyes, the eyes of someone who is ready to take his own life (my mother and her friends told me he had the eyes of a maniac). He was very polite, protective and caring. But... he was also weird. Very serious, thoughtful, even gloomy, but from time to time he behaved like a clown, speaking in an unnatural voice, laughing hysterically, saying and doing strange things. But his eyes remained sad. During one of such moments he put his head on my shoulder, what paralysed me. I could feel him reducing the distance between us very fast.

each conversation was long and meaningful, though sometimes VERY difficult. From time to time he asked me extremely personal questions and tried to speak about sex, explaining that provoking me like this was the best way to know me.

 

He turned into a clown again. He also hugged and kissed me all the time (but never on the lips). He was jealous, when someone looked ar me in the street. Then he suggested that we should spend the night together. I couldn't do that, it was only our third meeting. When it was time to say goodbye, and we came to the metro station, he asked me: "Are you sure you don't want us to spend this night together? Because I don't know, when I will see you again..." I was shocked. "Ok, maybe when you are in Poland" - he said bitterly. Then he hugged me, cuddled me, he didn't want to let me go, he covered me with kisses (but still not on the lips) and it seemed to me that there were tears in his eyes. Then he said: "Go". I went towards the trains, but after a few steps turned to him to tell him about my feelings, but he said with a fake smile: "Just go".

 

 

 

Am I expecting too much from a broken-hearted person working day and night and raising a disabled child?

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each time he was nervous, he started saying weird things in a very unnatural voice, laughing hysterically, doing weird things as well (like in the restaurant, when we needed to move the table so that I could get up he said: "I'm going to liberate you" and moved the table in the centre of the hall, or started to speak about me to a woman at another table: "Look at her, she doesn't want to eat her pizza, she's like a small child who doesn't want to eat her breakfast. We are going to do something about it.")

Seriously!!?? If any man ever did something like that to me I would have got up and walked out there and then and blocked him. I am stunned speechless that you thought nothing of this awful behaviour and don't even see the massive red warning flags flying in your face. It absolutely floors me that you even find anything redeeming in this weirdo. Please, please, listen to your mother and everyone else who clearly sees the writing on the wall. You seem to be the only one who just doesn't "get it". Surely you can't be this naive?

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Silent,

Do you always date weird guys with emotional problems? I wonder what you get out of this? Maybe, it is familiar from your childhood. Most women would run fast from someone like this.

 

My relationship experience is quite modest (3 men). I have the experience of a 9-year relationship with a perfect man 20 years older than me. My very first relationship. He became my Pygmalion, we can say. My mother adores him. Unfortunately in this story I am the disappointing one. A few years ago I understood that he had become my friend, my relative, my tutor, but not a man whom I admire and desire. I tried to stick to this "rational choice", because such men are very rare, but... it soon became unbearable.

 

And... as for weird guys... this is the second Frenchman I have met. The first one (much older than me) was weird as well and he threw me out of his life because of my rather conservative views on relationships as soon as he had understood I wasn't going to jump into his bed very soon. When he stopped writing me after my departure, I asked him what had happened and he was rude to me. I didn't contact him anymore. I spent months crying, because he had been a god on earth for me, but I never run after men, I never initiate the dialogue more than 1-2 times in a row, so I cried, even considered taking my own life, but I didn't contact him at all. One year later I came to Paris and accidentally met him in the street and he was with a Chinese prostitute, what became one of my scariest discoveries after which I restarted crying. And a few days later he saw me from his balcony while I was on my way from my beautician's that is situated near that man's home. Each time I had to pass by his home, I tried to get closer to the wall so that he didn't see me, but then I forgot to do that. I noticed him slowly getting up and looking at me. I entered the supermarket opposite to buy some Chinese sweets. And when I was taking the good from the shelves near the shop window, I saw him coming out, walking up to the shop outside and stopping near the window, staring at me. We looked at each other for 5-10 seconds, then he was joint by another Chinese prostitute and they left.

 

I had the first meeting with this one (whom the thread is dedicated) two days after that discovery. I didn't want to meet him at all. But one of my friends who had worked with him said: "You MUST meet him, he's awesome, I adore him, he's really wonderful." And all the people who know him say that about him, because he's really very sweet, kind, joking. But a romantic relationship with him is not easy, and when I told my friend who had recommended him to me about some of his ways, she replied: "Oh dear, I couldn't even imagine."

 

I must say, being a university French teacher, I have also had a lot of students dating Frenchmen or married to them. I have friends who have such experience as well. My parents have worked with Frenchmen and know many couples where the husband is French. And in each of the cases the Frenchman caused or has been causing a lot of problems. French mentality is known for being extremely peculiar. I spent a lot of time there and can agree. But I thought this one was an exception (and I have no words how handsome he is...)

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I would not classify the second and third as relationships. It seems like you mainly have online fantasy relationships. A couple of meet ups does not make a relationship. You do not know these p;people, as you do not spend tie with them. Current dude does not even reach out for weeks. He does not sound interested. You should only follow actions.

 

What is it with all of the older men?

 

I do not agree with the "Frenchmen" comment. I have and had French friends and this is not true. It is you who are choosing weirdos. We have all warned you, but you are going to continue on.

 

I suggest you look into co dependency, as you are attracted to projects, not emotionally healthy men. You also sound emotionally unavailable, as the last two guys are/were not suitable partners.

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I would not classify the second and third as relationships. It seems like you mainly have online fantasy relationships. A couple of meet ups does not make a relationship. You do not know these p;people, as you do not spend tie with them. Current dude does not even reach out for weeks. He does not sound interested. You should only follow actions.

 

What is it with all of the older men?

 

I do not agree with the "Frenchmen" comment. I have and had French friends and this is not true. It is you who are choosing weirdos. We have all warned you, but you are going to continue on.

 

I suggest you look into co dependency, as you are attracted to projects, not emotionally healthy men. You also sound emotionally unavailable, as the last two guys are/were not suitable partners.

 

With the first one we had many more than a couple of meetings. And he wrote me every day, but, as I understand now, it was just because he was all alone and, besides, hoped to make me his mistress in the full sense of the word.

 

The current one stopped writing often as soon as he restarted work after the August holiday all French people have. And he really does work a lot. However, speaking seldom with long, meaningful messages is better than often, but with nonsense like "how are you-ok-me too-bye". So, I had no problem with that. The problem is there now that he became upset during our video chat and stopped speaking to me after that, what I wrote in op and what made me fear that it was all my fault. Actually I didn't reach out for the whole month either, but definitely not because I'm not interested. And earlier I preferred not to initiate as well, though I was more than interested. Of course, you may also be right, I'm not denying it.

 

Dealing with people as with friends/colleagues and building a man-woman relationship are different things. A person can be a wonderful friend, but a terrible boyfriend/husband, these are totally different types of relations. As I have written, my comment is based on the experience of dozens of women around me. Does it mean all of my friends and students have also chosen weirdos? Besides, I was speaking about Russian-French couples, where we are witnessing an interaction between two very different mentalities. What is ok for a French woman, may be unacceptable in the eyes of a Russian and vice versa. If you come from the USA or Western Europe, for you it may be much easier to interact with the French. And just to illustrate it once more, all my Russian friends who live in France have friends among non-Europeans only. All the attempts at finding friends among the French have failed due to very, very different perception of friendship.

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Silent,

 

There are too many dramas and warning signs, that YOU are CHOOSING to ignore.

 

I have know these people very well. I don;t think that that they turn into a polar opposite when I am not around. I see how they interact and also know their partners. That is interesting what you say about the French and Russian. I live in NYC and have friends from all backgrounds. I don;t see the differences, but similarities. If you know the French men are not compatible, then why don't you seek someone from another culture? The guy you mention sounds awful, and I can't imagine spending so much time with someone who is so dramatic and morose . You need to set your standards much higher. In all honesty, I think a lot of this is about you, and your attraction to dyfinctional men.

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