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Thread: Please, help me (if you are not afraid of long stories)

  1. #21
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    Silent,
    Do you always date weird guys with emotional problems? I wonder what you get out of this? Maybe, it is familiar from your childhood. Most women would run fast from someone like this.

  2. #22
    Member Silentiosa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Silent,
    Do you always date weird guys with emotional problems? I wonder what you get out of this? Maybe, it is familiar from your childhood. Most women would run fast from someone like this.
    My relationship experience is quite modest (3 men). I have the experience of a 9-year relationship with a perfect man 20 years older than me. My very first relationship. He became my Pygmalion, we can say. My mother adores him. Unfortunately in this story I am the disappointing one. A few years ago I understood that he had become my friend, my relative, my tutor, but not a man whom I admire and desire. I tried to stick to this "rational choice", because such men are very rare, but... it soon became unbearable.

    And... as for weird guys... this is the second Frenchman I have met. The first one (much older than me) was weird as well and he threw me out of his life because of my rather conservative views on relationships as soon as he had understood I wasn't going to jump into his bed very soon. When he stopped writing me after my departure, I asked him what had happened and he was rude to me. I didn't contact him anymore. I spent months crying, because he had been a god on earth for me, but I never run after men, I never initiate the dialogue more than 1-2 times in a row, so I cried, even considered taking my own life, but I didn't contact him at all. One year later I came to Paris and accidentally met him in the street and he was with a Chinese prostitute, what became one of my scariest discoveries after which I restarted crying. And a few days later he saw me from his balcony while I was on my way from my beautician's that is situated near that man's home. Each time I had to pass by his home, I tried to get closer to the wall so that he didn't see me, but then I forgot to do that. I noticed him slowly getting up and looking at me. I entered the supermarket opposite to buy some Chinese sweets. And when I was taking the good from the shelves near the shop window, I saw him coming out, walking up to the shop outside and stopping near the window, staring at me. We looked at each other for 5-10 seconds, then he was joint by another Chinese prostitute and they left.

    I had the first meeting with this one (whom the thread is dedicated) two days after that discovery. I didn't want to meet him at all. But one of my friends who had worked with him said: "You MUST meet him, he's awesome, I adore him, he's really wonderful." And all the people who know him say that about him, because he's really very sweet, kind, joking. But a romantic relationship with him is not easy, and when I told my friend who had recommended him to me about some of his ways, she replied: "Oh dear, I couldn't even imagine."

    I must say, being a university French teacher, I have also had a lot of students dating Frenchmen or married to them. I have friends who have such experience as well. My parents have worked with Frenchmen and know many couples where the husband is French. And in each of the cases the Frenchman caused or has been causing a lot of problems. French mentality is known for being extremely peculiar. I spent a lot of time there and can agree. But I thought this one was an exception (and I have no words how handsome he is...)

  3. #23
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    I would not classify the second and third as relationships. It seems like you mainly have online fantasy relationships. A couple of meet ups does not make a relationship. You do not know these p;people, as you do not spend tie with them. Current dude does not even reach out for weeks. He does not sound interested. You should only follow actions.

    What is it with all of the older men?

    I do not agree with the "Frenchmen" comment. I have and had French friends and this is not true. It is you who are choosing weirdos. We have all warned you, but you are going to continue on.

    I suggest you look into co dependency, as you are attracted to projects, not emotionally healthy men. You also sound emotionally unavailable, as the last two guys are/were not suitable partners.

  4. #24
    Member Silentiosa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I would not classify the second and third as relationships. It seems like you mainly have online fantasy relationships. A couple of meet ups does not make a relationship. You do not know these p;people, as you do not spend tie with them. Current dude does not even reach out for weeks. He does not sound interested. You should only follow actions.

    What is it with all of the older men?

    I do not agree with the "Frenchmen" comment. I have and had French friends and this is not true. It is you who are choosing weirdos. We have all warned you, but you are going to continue on.

    I suggest you look into co dependency, as you are attracted to projects, not emotionally healthy men. You also sound emotionally unavailable, as the last two guys are/were not suitable partners.
    With the first one we had many more than a couple of meetings. And he wrote me every day, but, as I understand now, it was just because he was all alone and, besides, hoped to make me his mistress in the full sense of the word.

    The current one stopped writing often as soon as he restarted work after the August holiday all French people have. And he really does work a lot. However, speaking seldom with long, meaningful messages is better than often, but with nonsense like "how are you-ok-me too-bye". So, I had no problem with that. The problem is there now that he became upset during our video chat and stopped speaking to me after that, what I wrote in op and what made me fear that it was all my fault. Actually I didn't reach out for the whole month either, but definitely not because I'm not interested. And earlier I preferred not to initiate as well, though I was more than interested. Of course, you may also be right, I'm not denying it.

    Dealing with people as with friends/colleagues and building a man-woman relationship are different things. A person can be a wonderful friend, but a terrible boyfriend/husband, these are totally different types of relations. As I have written, my comment is based on the experience of dozens of women around me. Does it mean all of my friends and students have also chosen weirdos? Besides, I was speaking about Russian-French couples, where we are witnessing an interaction between two very different mentalities. What is ok for a French woman, may be unacceptable in the eyes of a Russian and vice versa. If you come from the USA or Western Europe, for you it may be much easier to interact with the French. And just to illustrate it once more, all my Russian friends who live in France have friends among non-Europeans only. All the attempts at finding friends among the French have failed due to very, very different perception of friendship.

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  6. #25
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    Silent,

    There are too many dramas and warning signs, that YOU are CHOOSING to ignore.

    I have know these people very well. I don;t think that that they turn into a polar opposite when I am not around. I see how they interact and also know their partners. That is interesting what you say about the French and Russian. I live in NYC and have friends from all backgrounds. I don;t see the differences, but similarities. If you know the French men are not compatible, then why don't you seek someone from another culture? The guy you mention sounds awful, and I can't imagine spending so much time with someone who is so dramatic and morose . You need to set your standards much higher. In all honesty, I think a lot of this is about you, and your attraction to dyfinctional men.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he interested in moving to Russia or are you interested in moving yo France?
    Originally Posted by Silentiosa
    I'm Russian, 29, in love with a Frenchman.

  8. #27
    Member Silentiosa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is he interested in moving to Russia or are you interested in moving yo France?
    He has asked me many times, whether I could move to France. Since I met him, I have been considering that, after getting Polish citizenship. Moving to Russia while he has a disabled child would be impossible for him.

  9. 12-22-2018, 06:10 AM
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  10. #28
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    You are going to move to France after netting this guy twice? That's nuts!

  11. #29
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    You seem very desperate to have anyone in your life.

  12. #30
    Member Silentiosa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You seem very desperate to have anyone in your life.
    I did not say that I wanted to do it after two meetings, I meant I had started thinking of that in case the relationship worked. And only after getting my Polish citizenship that I mentioned.

    And if I were desperate, I would have already sticked to any of the local men who are/were in love with me. But I don't need them, unfortunately.

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