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Co-worker confusion


monsterdrinker

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Hi all.

I'm in a bit of a pickle at work. There's a girl at work that in my opinion has been showing me all the signs that she likes me yet when questioned by others she vehemently denies it. She enjoys my company and moans when I don't go sit with her and talk, it's got to the point where people are joking about the two of us.

 

This girl has a bf and in my opinion that simply cannot be ignored. When I try to pull away so to speak she hates it and starts asking questions like "have I upset you" and "why don't you come see me?".

 

I think the way she acts around and talks to me is inappropriate given her relationship status. My friend tonight seriously caused a dilemma, he went and told her that I think she fancies me because of the things she does which he also told her!!!!!!! Her friend came and told me that she is not happy with me and is coming to speak to me. She came over and was very polite, standing there smiling and asking me "What have I done?" "Why haven't you been to see me?". I have ignored her for the best part this week.

 

I said months ago that I'm going to stop spending so much time with her and everybody was like Nnnooooo!!!!!! Lol. I did for a bit but she questioned me so I gave in. I personally believe I have to do it again and stick to it this time.

Thoughts? Thanks.

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No offense intended, but you're not working there to look for women to date, you're there to do a job. Also, with knowing she has a boyfriend, what's in it for you?

 

You know what to do...

 

No offense taken. You are correct yes, I am not actively looking to date until maybe summer of next year due to plans I have. I get on very well with all the girls at work and we all have some good banter. Another co-worker pointed out that she likes me because of the way she acts around me, I probably would of never noticed lol. The job I do involves lots of free time to sit around/read so I generally talk to everybody.

 

I don't get anything out of it do I? I think I'm like her little ego boost but I shouldn't accept being that. I think she plans to leave her bf after Xmas because of things she has said but I'm best to leave her alone I think, I've got enough on my plate as it is.

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You're right. She likes the attention from someone who has a crush on her. If her bf was a fly on the wall, would he think she was crossing boundaries with you? And what if she was your gf and she was acting this way with another male co-worker. Would you be okay with it? So if she was single, would you want to pursue a girl who seeks the attention of another male, since apparently like someone with a harem, attention from the significant other is never enough?

 

Good luck in however you decide to keep your distance, since she's using you. You don't owe her an explanation, but if you want to give her one, you're free to.

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You're right. She likes the attention from someone who has a crush on her. If her bf was a fly on the wall, would he think she was crossing boundaries with you? And what if she was your gf and she was acting this way with another male co-worker. Would you be okay with it? So if she was single, would you want to pursue a girl who seeks the attention of another male, since apparently like someone with a harem, attention from the significant other is never enough?

 

Good luck in however you decide to keep your distance, since she's using you. You don't owe her an explanation, but if you want to give her one, you're free to.

 

I think this is a great reply and tells me everything I already knew but needed to hear. I seek validation from outside sources, I need to stop doing this and have confidence in my own perception of things and also my own decisions regarding those perceptions, it's a work in progress.

 

Her bf would not like the way she talks to me and if she was my gf I would not like her talking to others like that either. Neither would I trust her, I personally believe she is looking to cheat. I am not the first guy she has showed interest in at work and the fallout from this causes conflict to this day.

 

She is not relationship material and my gut instinct to keep my distance was right all along. I continue to grow, live and learn.

 

Thank you.

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Agree. Steer clear of office flirts. They are nothing but trouble. Make sure she's not getting "signs" that you are attracted to her. Stay professional and polite. Keep romances outside the office.

 

oh so this was about you fancying her and the confusion was about pursuing it ....you could have said ..I thought this was because she is a pain in the ass at work .

 

It was about my confusion surrounding the whole situation. I am not actively looking to date but when somebody shows interest I think it's human nature to think about the possibilities. In this case as I've said my gut instinct was to steer clear and my inability to be confident in my perceptions has been highlighted. I have not pursued her and neither would I, but it has become quite difficult working with someone who makes it obvious she is interested. I'm sick of the whole situation and I think it will come to a head on today's shift.

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Hi all.

I'm in a bit of a pickle at work. There's a girl at work that in my opinion has been showing me all the signs that she likes me yet when questioned by others she vehemently denies it. She enjoys my company and moans when I don't go sit with her and talk, it's got to the point where people are joking about the two of us.

 

This girl has a bf and in my opinion that simply cannot be ignored. When I try to pull away so to speak she hates it and starts asking questions like "have I upset you" and "why don't you come see me?".

 

I think the way she acts around and talks to me is inappropriate given her relationship status. My friend tonight seriously caused a dilemma, he went and told her that I think she fancies me because of the things she does which he also told her!!!!!!! Her friend came and told me that she is not happy with me and is coming to speak to me. She came over and was very polite, standing there smiling and asking me "What have I done?" "Why haven't you been to see me?". I have ignored her for the best part this week.

 

I said months ago that I'm going to stop spending so much time with her and everybody was like Nnnooooo!!!!!! Lol. I did for a bit but she questioned me so I gave in. I personally believe I have to do it again and stick to it this time.

Thoughts? Thanks.

 

I think you're confusing liking someone and being interested in someone. She obviously likes you, but nothing you've written sounds like she's attracted you. And stop with all the drama.

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She told me point blank to my face, the words she used were "the first time I saw you I thought he's very good looking, I would not say no" I did not know what to say, I just looked at her like a deer in the headlights. She never wore make up to work and now comes looking like she's going on a night out. She has asked my friends my relationship status and has also told them she finds me attractive and does not understand why I am single. She has started to wear perfume and very tight clothing. Her friends have asked me several times if I'm interested in her. She insists I spend time with her, hates me talking to other females and gives girls dirty looks when they talk to me, everybody has noticed that she is constantly staring at me. Surely to god I'm not way off the mark in thinking this girl is attracted to me????? She begged me to go to the works Xmas party and told me she is free all night as her bf is busy, I did not go. I could list many more things.

 

The issue has not been sorted out as of yet. She is extremely upset with the fact that I've kept my distance and has apparently said she will no longer be talking to me. I would bet my bank balance that she will approach me after the holidays, when she does I'm going to tell her I would prefer it if we are just polite in passing and do not spend any time together.

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She told me point blank to my face, the words she used were "the first time I saw you I thought he's very good looking, I would not say no" I did not know what to say, I just looked at her like a deer in the headlights. She never wore make up to work and now comes looking like she's going on a night out. She has asked my friends my relationship status and has also told them she finds me attractive and does not understand why I am single. She has started to wear perfume and very tight clothing. Her friends have asked me several times if I'm interested in her. She insists I spend time with her, hates me talking to other females and gives girls dirty looks when they talk to me, everybody has noticed that she is constantly staring at me. Surely to god I'm not way off the mark in thinking this girl is attracted to me????? She begged me to go to the works Xmas party and told me she is free all night as her bf is busy, I did not go. I could list many more things.

 

The issue has not been sorted out as of yet. She is extremely upset with the fact that I've kept my distance and has apparently said she will no longer be talking to me. I would bet my bank balance that she will approach me after the holidays, when she does I'm going to tell her I would prefer it if we are just polite in passing and do not spend any time together.

 

I don't understand what the "issue" is. All you have to do is say no and keep your distance. Are you looking for a reason to scold her for her behavior? Are you being sexually harassed? Are you interested in dating her? Or do you just want an excuse to tell people that she's acting this way because she's obsessed with you?

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