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Thread: Is This An Effective Punishment?

  1. #1
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    Is This An Effective Punishment?

    Two months ago, my oldest nephew moved in with my parents, who is not that familiar with (Background info, his father, my older brother and his mother got divorced when he was 3 years old). He is 11 years old and on the autism spectrum. In the two months that he has lived with my parents, my nephew has struggled to adjust to his new surroundings. He struggles to complete his homework, does not like to socialize with other children his age and rarely ever goes out anywhere. One of the few things that he has enjoyed doing is playing with my parents two dogs and taking them out for walks.

    Over the weekend, my nephew tried to call his mother early in the morning and was upset when she told him that she couldn't speak to him and would call him back later in the day. When my father was ready to leave to go to the store, my nephew said that he changed his mind and didn't want to go. As a response to this, my father decided to punish him by not allowing him to go near the dogs permanently. Despite, pleas from my mother and other family members, my father is refusing to budge. He insists that my nephew needs to learn to manners and to respect others. Would you say that this punishment is justified? What should be done?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly your father does not seem to understand autism.

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    Not only is it inappropriate, your father is begging for more bad behavior from your nephew. Forget the begging and pleading and take your father to see an autism specialist so that he can begin to understand what he is doing and how your nephew works.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Your father clearly has no idea how outrageous that punishment is. It'd be devastating to someone who doenst have autism and probably much worse for someone who does. At the best of times this makes no sense. He does need to go to the autism specialist so he can learn how wrong that punishment is.

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    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    i think this is too simplistic and too b/w to be a legitimate question.
    i would say the #1 thing that should've been done was to ask the nephew whey he had a change of heart and doesn't want to go. Becaus the WHAT is never important.. the WHY is always the most important.

    Depending on what that answer is - adjust accordingly.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sadly your father does not seem to understand autism.
    I'd say "Sadly he does not seem to understand children" Period!

    Is your father usually this unreasonable, Op or is it just with your cousin?

  8. #7
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I'd say "Sadly he does not seem to understand children" Period!
    I do not know much about autism so i can't comment about that.
    however, why do you say this? I disagree that the father doesn't understand how to teach kids correctly. Except for the autism part which i don't know and can't comment on, with a "normal" child that was basically the ONLY thing (if the kid was being rude and inappropriate) had to work with to teach a lesson.

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    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Why is he living with his grandparents now instead of with one of his parents? Maybe I missed that?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    I do not know much about autism so i can't comment about that.
    however, why do you say this? I disagree that the father doesn't understand how to teach kids correctly. Except for the autism part which i don't know and can't comment on, with a "normal" child that was basically the ONLY thing (if the kid was being rude and inappropriate) had to work with to teach a lesson.
    Where did you read that the child was being rude and inappropriate? The punishment was for not wanting to go to the store now. He acted up "was upset" only when his mother couldn't talk to him when he wanted to talk to her which is a separate issue.

    A child (with autism or not) does not have to be punished because they changed their mind about going to a store. This man is a control freak, clearly and to take away PERMANENTLY the only thing the child can get pleasure from (currently) for changing his mind about a non-issue like going to a store is ludicrous at best and emotionally abusive at worst.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Depending on how severe his ASD is will determine what he will understand.

    The best suggestion I have is to make sure his grandfather takes him to his appointments, gets involved in school and spends time when the child's therapists are working with them.

    He is over his head at the moment and needs guidance not condemnation. I spend a great deal of time with the disabled and there are rules and punishment but it is tailored to the individual.

    He has taken in his grandson from the boys parents so he probably didn't have the best conditions with them.

    The dogs should be used as a reward, not punishment. It is not easy being a care giver to someone with ASD and they do make mistakes like we all have with our own children.

    See if you can help educate not just grandpa but the whole family on ASD, what works, what doesn't, how to deal with a meltdown and on and on.

    This journey is taken not just by the child but by the whole family over many years...

    Lost

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