Online dating

This has prob been asked before but just curious what others takes are with regards to online dating?

Some of my friend swear by it, others detest it saying there are other ways, I guess more conventional ways to meet people.

My dilemma. My hobbies take up most evenings. I’m not a massive fan of getting ‘wasted’ at all anymore. In fact I’ve gone teetotal since I’ve been doing a new fitness regime.

Do I cross attractive women in my supermarket...nope.

So I did bite the bullet a few weeks ago and joined online to bumble and pof. Already off off as I don’t like it. Bumble seems ok and recently put a little Moreno effort into writing out my profile. Though I’m wondering if I should find a paying site? As free ones seem to not be...shall we say as decent?

By all means I’m in no rush. I’m not pinning all my hopes of finding the ‘one’

Just want to get back out into the dating game. Meet interesting people.

Yes. You need a diversified dating portfolio. Real life, perhaps one throw away free site and one higher quality paid site. Too many flakes and halfhearted people jumping on free sites 2 nanoseconds after being dumped with a what the heck mindset.

joined online to bumble and pof. Already off off as I don’t like it. I’m wondering if I should find a paying site? As free ones seem to not be...shall we say as decent?

Yeah I did notice those kind on pof. The halfhearted girls who just want an ego boost.

To be fair I might just give speed dating a try....be quite a fun experience none the less

No question that free sites attract all sorts of problem people and downright weirdos.

Doesn't mean that they aren't on paid sites too, just less so since there is a financial commitment there.

Try looking up some fun hobby groups on meetup.com. It's not a dating site, but more on the principle of that if you get involved in doing what you like, you are more likely to meet someone who is like minded.

As far as your hobbies & new fitness routine....any cute girls there? I bet there are.

Keep your profiles going, sort of in the background of your life.

Online dating is fine, but not for someone who sits at home and only clicks through profiles, which does not sound like you. You have a lot going on, so finding someone who has similar hobbies and fitness goals wouldn’t take away from your evenings spent, but rather add to them.

POF = Plenty of Flakes. Lol. Having said that, I have met plenty of very nice people from there as well.

The irony is, you’re concerned about meeting quality women when as of right now you’re incapable of offering what you expect

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=555795

You stated you still loved your ex 3 weeks ago. I’m far from cocky but I do consider myself a quality woman and I would avoid you like the plague. I’m all for going out, meeting new people, but be honest about where you are Mentally and emotionally

What about online dating?

I think people are missing the point about online dating. Online dating started because we were all getting tired of the nonsense that was real life dating (aka "the bar scene")... Think of it.. OLD would not need to be "invented" if traditional dating were satisfying and being productive already!

That being said, here is why people are missing the point about online dating. how and where you met does not constitute how successful you will be. What you do and the choices you make ONCE you've met is. Be it a bar, supermarket, an activity club, a night time class, a gym, or anythign else - all of these are just WAYS TO MEET/INTRO people to each other. That's it!

An activity club doesn't "guarantee" more success rate than OLD because it still doesn't tell you about their personality or history or baggage or their security/insecurity levels or any of that anymore than OLD does (I would even submit that OLD tells you MORE!)

So to me, what I think i've learned is - it's about yourself. Where are you in life? What is your self-worth? What is your security/confidence level? How desperate or important is this "dating thing" to you anyway? Do you "need" a partner or are you doing great without one? How open-minded are you being? Are you always looking at the same few things to decide whom to approach or are you willing to try thigns you haven't before, be curious and explore what yo haven't, and be truly open to any opportunities that might cross paths with you?

The answers to many of those questions (moreso some specific ones of those) ALSO determines who you attract to you, and who you become attracted to.

Its' not HOW or where you met - or what kind of service - it's more about you and where you're at and what you do and your real approach that makes more of the difference.

I don't believe in dating anyone online. I believe in using online sites as a way to make a first contact with a person and to meet in person ASAP to see if in the future a first date should happen. Given the time and effort I put into meeting people this way (met over 100 people in person back then) I personally would not have done it unless my goal was marriage and family. Finding a date or a casual date or a friend is fine and I wouldn't use online dating sites to find those types of people/interactions.

I know of several -even many by now -happily married and committed couples who originally met online. I think it's a great way -in addition to other ways -to search for and find a life partner. I met a number of really great people through online sites. I am still in touch with some of them!

Everyone has their preferences, I had a friend who refused to ever give it a go. It narrowed her pool of men but found someone.

Online is a great platform to connect with people you won't naturally come across. It's a great way to meet people with similar interests.

Where you have a lot of hobbies that's a great way. I guess you wouldn't be asking about online dating if that is going well.

Honestly each to their own. Online dating can be tiring and repetitive. But if you are in the right frame of mind to give it a go. Why not.

Good luck

Figure it out- I did say I wanted to get back out there and meet interesting people. Don’t think there is anything wrong with that somehow.

Jellybean- exactly. It’ll be nice to meet some new and interesting people out of my current social circle.

Agree. You're not running away to marry in an Elvis costume in Vegas after one Tinder date. The monk route for extended periods is highly overrated. Many relationships are on life support for a while before the final plug is pulled.

Figure it out- I did say I wanted to get back out there and meet interesting people. Don’t think there is anything wrong with that somehow.

Agree wiseman - what’s the point in waiting? Waiting for what exactly? Individuals know if they’re ‘ready’ to date.

Without sounding like a prude I’m not going to sit ideally by. What will that achieve? Meeting new people can be a good way of expanding your social network. Just because you meet for a ‘date’ it doesn’t mean anything.

People put too much expectation on a ‘date’.

I understand about being honest. Hell I have no intention of telling people ‘I’m looking to find someone to marry’

Also surely it’s not until you do start dating again- meeting new interesting people it can be an eye opener. Whether it’s realising you’ve been stuck in a rut. Others find you attractive and interesting.

Fact is I can’t mope around forever. And you never know what will happen unless you try.

Note taking I’ll look into paying sites too. Would be cool to meet someone offline first. Do it the old fashioned way.

I think I have an old ‘meetup’ login so will check that out and see if there’s any local groups that do cool things

Thanks all

Jellybean- exactly. It’ll be nice to meet some new and interesting people out of my current social circle.

As much as online dating frustrates me from time to time. I do think it's good for just that.

I personally wouldn't date anyone from work. So that narrows my options as we spend a lot of time at work and social work events.

Then I wouldn't date friends of friends as it can ruin your friendships.

Then leaves guys in a bar. Not really my scene.

So at the moment in current society where I'm not going to meet someone romatically on a train or in a shop. Leaves only online dating.

Sadly I think it really is the way forward with dating. It has its up sides and has its downsides. It's all about learning to navigate it.

Individuals know if they’re ‘ready’ to date.

i disagree with this. Most people DON'T know when they're ready to date again. This is why REBOUND relationships are so prevalent.

Let me ask you this: how do you tell when you are ready to date again?

I completely agree one can't mope around forever, but if you're dating so you can stop "moping" then that is typically a sign you aren't ready. Where as if you haven't moped for a while, that's a better sign that you are ready. Dating can't be a "solution" to post-relationship issues. That's called REBOUND (aka "filling the void of an ended relationship").

Hope that made sense.

i disagree with this. Most people DON'T know when they're ready to date again. This is why REBOUND relationships are so prevalent.

Let me ask you this: how do you tell when you are ready to date again?

 

I completely agree one can't mope around forever, but if you're dating so you can stop "moping" then that is typically a sign you aren't ready. Where as if you haven't moped for a while, that's a better sign that you are ready. Dating can't be a "solution" to post-relationship issues. That's called REBOUND (aka "filling the void of an ended relationship").

 

Hope that made sense.

I concur with this.

It is essential to find out the underlying reason we accept relationships that don't work for us, and/or why then mope when they don't work. Sometimes, dating serves as a distraction that protects us from having to face our own shortcomings. The big boost comes from when we look at our insides in the brightest light that we can withstand without crumbling. We need to be alone to do that.

i disagree with this. Most people DON'T know when they're ready to date again. This is why REBOUND relationships are so prevalent.

Let me ask you this: how do you tell when you are ready to date again?

 

I completely agree one can't mope around forever, but if you're dating so you can stop "moping" then that is typically a sign you aren't ready. Where as if you haven't moped for a while, that's a better sign that you are ready. Dating can't be a "solution" to post-relationship issues. That's called REBOUND (aka "filling the void of an ended relationship").

 

Hope that made sense.

I agree with this completely!

A lot of people claim they are ready when in truth they are not. Only until they are dating to they really notice.

I've seen friends so this constantly and once they persuaded me to date when I wasn't ready (a month after a break up withy first boyfriend). On the date I cried on the train home. I knew I wasn't ready. Following that I never did it again and now only date when I'm truely happy within myself.

The amount of times I've heard girls say they are "lonely" then start swiping. It's essentially going around in a cycle. Sadly they all think they are ready to date but we all know they are not!

I would not use online dating sites to expand a social circle -way too much work and so many other ways to do that that are more focused and effective IMO. And then you have to be careful only to respond to profiles that are not seeking to date with serious intentions -because then you are wasting that person's time.

I think meetup groups, volunteer work, dance classes (like swing dancing), working backstage for a community theater, sports-related or fitness-related activities are great ways to meet new people generally.

 

Jellybean- exactly. It’ll be nice to meet some new and interesting people out of my current social circle.

I would not use online dating sites to expand a social circle

Unless you're referring to a different post Bat, I didn't interpret what's quoted above that way.

I interpreted it to mean he's only been dating women from his social circle, and he wants to give OLD a try to meet new women outside his social circle to increase his chances of meeting the right woman for him.

Of course I could be wrong, but OP I think that's as good a reason as any for wanting to OLD, but don't let it be your only source for meeting women. Just one of many avenues to take in your quest to find Ms. Right.

I highly recommend meet-ups or attending singles events or even approaching women when the opportunity arises. Stretch your emotional muscles, even if you get knocked down, approaching builds confidence, not all men have the guts to do it; I am a strong advocate of challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone to achieve a goal.

Unless you're referring to a different post Bat, I didn't interpret what's quoted above that way.

 

I interpreted it to mean he's only been dating women from his social circle, and he wants to give OLD a try to meet new women outside his social circle to increase his chances of meeting the right woman for him.

 

Of course I could be wrong, but OP I think that's as good a reason as any for wanting to OLD, but don't let it be your only source for meeting women. Just one of many avenues to take in your quest to find Ms. Right.

 

I highly recommend meet-ups or attending singles events or even approaching women when the opportunity arises. Stretch your emotional muscles, even if you get knocked down, approaching builds confidence, not all men have the guts to do it; I am a strong advocate of challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone to achieve a goal.

She may have been referencing his response to me. I pointed out he stated he was still in love with his ex therefore making him unready to date in my opinion, his response was he just wanted to meet interesting people which kinda sorta differs from the OP, but I think Bat was pointing out that online dating isn’t the best place to meet ‘friends’.

Step 1: Get thicker skin (you will need it)

Step 2: If you are serious use a paid site (pretty cheap if you think about it)

Step 3: Get help from women writing your profile and picking your profile pictures. (if you want to attract women then go to the source right?)

Step 4: Have a plan for first meets. A quick drink is fine for a first meet to see if they are who they said they are. Dinners get expensive and tie you into a prolonged meeting that you may not want to stick around for

Step 5: Know where you rate and be realistic. There is nothing wrong with swinging for the fence when you are sending out messages but don't come here complaining you have zero luck when you are messaging 10's and you are a 6.

Step 6: Don't take any of it to seriously. It sounds like you have a full life so keep living it while you dabble in OLD. Far to many people let it consume them like it is a gauge or their self worth on this planet.

It is a tool and like any tool it is only as good as the person using it.

Lost

She may have been referencing his response to me. I pointed out he stated he was still in love with his ex therefore making him unready to date in my opinion, his response was he just wanted to meet interesting people which kinda sorta differs from the OP, but I think Bat was pointing out that online dating isn’t the best place to meet ‘friends’.

Yes. I may have misinterpreted what he meant.

Yes. I may have misinterpreted what he meant.

Nope you didn’t.

She may have been referencing his response to me. I pointed out he stated he was still in love with his ex therefore making him unready to date in my opinion, his response was he just wanted to meet interesting people which kinda sorta differs from the OP, but I think Bat was pointing out that online dating isn’t the best place to meet ‘friends’.

Oh okay thnx for the clarification; I wholeheartedly agree with you re what Batya was pointing out (bolded).

However, many years ago when I did OLD (match.com) they had a box to click for what one was looking for and there was a box for "friends only."

Don't know if that's still true on match.com or other sites, not a bad idea actually, especially when one is new to an area and interested in meeting people and making friends..

Oh okay thnx for the clarification; I wholeheartedly agree with you re what Batya was pointing out (bolded).

 

However, many years ago when I did OLD (match.com) they had a box to click for what one was looking for and there was a box for "friends only."

 

Don't know if that's still true on match.com or other sites, not a bad idea actually.

Yes I'm sure there is. And unless the person has tons of free time and is fine with the annoyance/stresses of meeting people that way including potential friends I would not advise it.

Having said that my friend's wife had a profile many years ago that basically said she was new to the city and wanted someone who'd be willing to show her around. I think she likely also mentioned that she was looking to date but that was her focus -her spin so to speak. My friend responded and 2 years later they were married so I guess that approach worked!