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Humilited myself fter breakup


Pure21

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I am a 27 yr old female, guy is 29. My ex boyfriend broke up with me in August and I went crazy after the breakup, I am so guilty about how far I took things and it haunts me everyday. I know the break up needed to happen because it was very toxic but for some reason I wouldn't let go. I scratched his car with my key, I cut up a pair of boots I got him, I sent his mom a nasty text message, I begged and screamed and he rejected me over an over again. It gets worse, once he said it was over I went to stay with a friend because we lived together nd he was already facetiming other women and it was so painful to be around. so one night I came to the house and let myself in and he was facetiming the same girl so I yelled at her and he hung up. He told me I was crazy and needed to leave but I refused to and I threatened to kill myself and then another time I did the same exact thing. Yes, I do see a therapist and I take medication; I have MDD nd PTSD. He told me that I should be over the situation because he was and we only dated a year nd a half so I should already be over it and he told me he needed to get a girlfriend to prove to me we'd never get back together. I had hit rock bottom and I let him see me that way and it was sooooo embarrassing. The last time I tried to get him back was October, since then I've not spoken to him about us but we did have to speak about some final bills from the apartment. I go to the gym at a different time to completely avoid seeing him and I am slowly feeling better at times. Although I know it would never happen somedays I have that little peace of hope but I fight it.

 

If you are going through a breakup please don't do the things I did, trust me not only will you push them to the point of no return, you will feel soooo embarrassed. Any advice, comments, questions is great

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Honey if I told you half the crap I did to humiliate myself while not even post break up but while IN my toxic marriage, trust me, you aren’t the only person who embarrassed themselves. Sometimes the other person can push just the right button, not saying it’s right just that I get it. To this day, I think back to the early days and the hurt I felt and the stupid things I did, abuse I apologized for, it stings, I feel so bad for that girl, she was in so much pain. In therapy I apologized to that girl. It helped a lot, It seems very abstract but it helped.

 

Look you have your own sh*t to deal with and this toxic dude is just gasoline on the fire. I know it hurts now but try to remember that. He wasn’t good for you.

 

You’re gonna be ok, one day at a time.

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We've all been there trust me! And sometimes you do things without actually thinking. I've done it right now by bombarding a guy I was seeing with texts I know it's only putting him off me more but I can't help it. It's good that you're seeking help though. Love does crazy things to us at times, keep strong x

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I hope you have learned from your bad behaviour and that you will not do anything like that ever again. Please keep seeing your therapist until he or she deems you to be in a much better frame of mind.

 

Yes, this.

 

Many of us have felt incredible pain after a break-up. It's how we handle those emotions that makes the difference. You know you need some more effective coping strategies so these things don't happen again the next time you feel hurt or rejected.

 

It's over and it appears you are now working towards accepting that. Keep on that track.

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Honey if I told you half the crap I did to humiliate myself while not even post break up but while IN my toxic marriage, trust me, you aren’t the only person who embarrassed themselves

 

We've all been there trust me

 

Add me to this list ! You recognise what you did , therefore you have learnt for yourself it isn't the right thing to do ...don't beat yourself up over it .

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I'm sure you were driven to those extremes by the toxicity of your relationship. Now you know what a bad relationship looks like, and why you shouldn't get into one: it will make you crazy.

 

Yes, you made some mistakes and acted like a fool. The good news is, no one got hurt. Only your pride got hurt, and that will heal in time.

 

I hope you feel better. Don't be too hard on yourself. And make sure your next guy treats you well.

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Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you need much better medical and psychological evaluations, management, follow up and ongoing support for these things. If you are drinking or using drugs during these episodes get help for that as well. Clearly you feel and are so of control to the point of committing crimes, vandalism, stalking, harassing, trespassing etc..Take care of yourself before you get arrested or encounter some other type of legal problems.

He told me I was crazy and needed to leave but I refused to and I threatened to kill myself

 

I do see a therapist and I take medication; I have MDD nd PTSD.

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focus on yourself (obivously) and your workouts and any other activities you do in life.

work real hard with your therapist to overcome these inner demons.

 

that should keep you busy for a year or two (and longer) before worrying about the ex- or any other potential new relationships for now.

you got a lot of work to do... but do it - and you will heal and improve and become a new person. so keep at it. you'll know when you're good again.

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We have all been there. It's about learning from that and not doing it again.

 

I sent my ex embarrassing essays. Was so tempted to go around his house and speak to his mum (who didn't help out relationship) and key and throw a brick at his car (my friend was going to drive me there). Luckily I only sent the essay and my mum stopped be from the rest. I was lucky I had her to stop me if not I would have done it all!

 

It's normal your emotions are all over the place. I have grown and breakups after that I haven't been tempted to do those things.

 

Now you have done it don't feel guilty we can't change the past. Use it as a learning step and grow from it.

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I have done crazy things, and I really shouldn't have, I was in my early thirties - supposedly a mature age. Unfortunately, my preceding rship was quite toxic and abusive, and I was conditioned to see red flags everywhere, so when the next man in my life had to move away and I wasn't ready for an LDR, crap started coming out of me. I had sent him emails complaining, being needy, and in one email pretty much accused him of having taken advantage of me and used me (he never did). He was shocked and traumatised, and of course went right off me (though he still tried to stay friends). His rejection pushed me over the edge again, and I periodically gave him grief and behaving inadequately. It's been a couple of years now. He barely talks to me anymore, and we probably shouldn't at all. Every time I remember how I behaved with him, I feel so bad. Though slightly less bad than I did a year ago.

 

I had never behaved like that in any previous break-ups, and always handled things with at least some grace. So, what had gotten into me, shocked myself (even taking into account the preceding rship). And it was really hard to live with that image of myself after the events. I think the thing is to decide what I should've done instead, then draw the line in the sand, and move into present/future, trying to make the most of myself and my life now.

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Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you need much better medical and psychological evaluations, management, follow up and ongoing support for these things. If you are drinking or using drugs during these episodes get help for that as well. Clearly you feel and are so of control to the point of committing crimes, vandalism, stalking, harassing, trespassing etc..Take care of yourself before you get arrested or encounter some other type of legal problems.

 

Actually I don't need better psychological evaluations, I've been diagnosed according. For the record, I did not stalk or trespass sir, my name was on the lease, I had the key, and my things were in the house. I don't do drugs , but thanks for your input that was actually accurate.

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I have done crazy things, and I really shouldn't have, I was in my early thirties - supposedly a mature age. Unfortunately, my preceding rship was quite toxic and abusive, and I was conditioned to see red flags everywhere, so when the next man in my life had to move away and I wasn't ready for an LDR, crap started coming out of me. I had sent him emails complaining, being needy, and in one email pretty much accused him of having taken advantage of me and used me (he never did). He was shocked and traumatised, and of course went right off me (though he still tried to stay friends). His rejection pushed me over the edge again, and I periodically gave him grief and behaving inadequately. It's been a couple of years now. He barely talks to me anymore, and we probably shouldn't at all. Every time I remember how I behaved with him, I feel so bad. Though slightly less bad than I did a year ago.

 

I had never behaved like that in any previous break-ups, and always handled things with at least some grace. So, what had gotten into me, shocked myself (even taking into account the preceding rship). And it was really hard to live with that image of myself after the events. I think the thing is to decide what I should've done instead, then draw the line in the sand, and move into present/future, trying to make the most of myself and my life now.

 

I'm glad you got through what I m going through now. I hadn't behaved this way when broken up with before either but this person was very terrible. It doesn't excuse my behavior but if you knew the things he said and did it may explain lol

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Honey if I told you half the crap I did to humiliate myself while not even post break up but while IN my toxic marriage, trust me, you aren’t the only person who embarrassed themselves. Sometimes the other person can push just the right button, not saying it’s right just that I get it. To this day, I think back to the early days and the hurt I felt and the stupid things I did, abuse I apologized for, it stings, I feel so bad for that girl, she was in so much pain. In therapy I apologized to that girl. It helped a lot, It seems very abstract but it helped.

 

Look you have your own sh*t to deal with and this toxic dude is just gasoline on the fire. I know it hurts now but try to remember that. He wasn’t good for you.

 

You’re gonna be ok, one day at a time.

Thanks for reminding me he wasn't good for me, at first I was looking back with rose tinted glasses but it was a ty, miserable relationship.

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We've all been there trust me! And sometimes you do things without actually thinking. I've done it right now by bombarding a guy I was seeing with texts I know it's only putting him off me more but I can't help it. It's good that you're seeking help though. Love does crazy things to us at times, keep strong x

 

Thank you! I will jeep strong

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that should keep you busy for a year or two (and longer) before worrying about the ex- or any other potential new relationships for now.

you got a lot of work to do... but do it - and you will heal and improve and become a new person. so keep at it. you'll know when you're good again.

 

 

I Love this reply it gives me hope that I can heal and be better, stable person.

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  • 4 months later...

There should be a sticky thread for everyone who has gone bananas after a break up so we can all feel loved by other crazy people. lol

 

It just means you love hard. :-)

 

He will always remember you.

 

I'd rather date someone with a tad of crazy in them, but that's just me. We all learn from our mistakes. Now if you make this a pattern of future breakups...then it might be a problem :-P

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