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Thread: Humilited myself fter breakup

  1. #11
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    552
    I have done crazy things, and I really shouldn't have, I was in my early thirties - supposedly a mature age. Unfortunately, my preceding rship was quite toxic and abusive, and I was conditioned to see red flags everywhere, so when the next man in my life had to move away and I wasn't ready for an LDR, crap started coming out of me. I had sent him emails complaining, being needy, and in one email pretty much accused him of having taken advantage of me and used me (he never did). He was shocked and traumatised, and of course went right off me (though he still tried to stay friends). His rejection pushed me over the edge again, and I periodically gave him grief and behaving inadequately. It's been a couple of years now. He barely talks to me anymore, and we probably shouldn't at all. Every time I remember how I behaved with him, I feel so bad. Though slightly less bad than I did a year ago.

    I had never behaved like that in any previous break-ups, and always handled things with at least some grace. So, what had gotten into me, shocked myself (even taking into account the preceding rship). And it was really hard to live with that image of myself after the events. I think the thing is to decide what I should've done instead, then draw the line in the sand, and move into present/future, trying to make the most of myself and my life now.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Thank you for sharing that! Our relationship was really toxic as well, a lot of mental abuse. One day at a time

  3. #13

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you need much better medical and psychological evaluations, management, follow up and ongoing support for these things. If you are drinking or using drugs during these episodes get help for that as well. Clearly you feel and are so of control to the point of committing crimes, vandalism, stalking, harassing, trespassing etc..Take care of yourself before you get arrested or encounter some other type of legal problems.
    Actually I don't need better psychological evaluations, I've been diagnosed according. For the record, I did not stalk or trespass sir, my name was on the lease, I had the key, and my things were in the house. I don't do drugs , but thanks for your input that was actually accurate.

  4. #14

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I hope you have learned from your bad behaviour and that you will not do anything like that ever again. Please keep seeing your therapist until he or she deems you to be in a much better frame of mind.
    Yes I'm learning from my mistakes. Thanks!

  5.  

  6. #15

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by Waraqqa
    I have done crazy things, and I really shouldn't have, I was in my early thirties - supposedly a mature age. Unfortunately, my preceding rship was quite toxic and abusive, and I was conditioned to see red flags everywhere, so when the next man in my life had to move away and I wasn't ready for an LDR, crap started coming out of me. I had sent him emails complaining, being needy, and in one email pretty much accused him of having taken advantage of me and used me (he never did). He was shocked and traumatised, and of course went right off me (though he still tried to stay friends). His rejection pushed me over the edge again, and I periodically gave him grief and behaving inadequately. It's been a couple of years now. He barely talks to me anymore, and we probably shouldn't at all. Every time I remember how I behaved with him, I feel so bad. Though slightly less bad than I did a year ago.

    I had never behaved like that in any previous break-ups, and always handled things with at least some grace. So, what had gotten into me, shocked myself (even taking into account the preceding rship). And it was really hard to live with that image of myself after the events. I think the thing is to decide what I should've done instead, then draw the line in the sand, and move into present/future, trying to make the most of myself and my life now.
    I'm glad you got through what I m going through now. I hadn't behaved this way when broken up with before either but this person was very terrible. It doesn't excuse my behavior but if you knew the things he said and did it may explain lol

  7. #16

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Honey if I told you half the crap I did to humiliate myself while not even post break up but while IN my toxic marriage, trust me, you arenít the only person who embarrassed themselves. Sometimes the other person can push just the right button, not saying itís right just that I get it. To this day, I think back to the early days and the hurt I felt and the stupid things I did, abuse I apologized for, it stings, I feel so bad for that girl, she was in so much pain. In therapy I apologized to that girl. It helped a lot, It seems very abstract but it helped.

    Look you have your own sh*t to deal with and this toxic dude is just gasoline on the fire. I know it hurts now but try to remember that. He wasnít good for you.

    Youíre gonna be ok, one day at a time.
    Thanks for reminding me he wasn't good for me, at first I was looking back with rose tinted glasses but it was a ty, miserable relationship.

  8. #17

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    Originally Posted by Jessicajay
    We've all been there trust me! And sometimes you do things without actually thinking. I've done it right now by bombarding a guy I was seeing with texts I know it's only putting him off me more but I can't help it. It's good that you're seeking help though. Love does crazy things to us at times, keep strong x
    Thank you! I will jeep strong

  9. #18

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    9
    that should keep you busy for a year or two (and longer) before worrying about the ex- or any other potential new relationships for now.
    you got a lot of work to do... but do it - and you will heal and improve and become a new person. so keep at it. you'll know when you're good again.[/QUOTE]


    I Love this reply it gives me hope that I can heal and be better, stable person.

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    36
    Gender
    Male
    There should be a sticky thread for everyone who has gone bananas after a break up so we can all feel loved by other crazy people. lol

    It just means you love hard. :-)

    He will always remember you.

    I'd rather date someone with a tad of crazy in them, but that's just me. We all learn from our mistakes. Now if you make this a pattern of future breakups...then it might be a problem :-P

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