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Thread: LDR question.

  1. #1
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    LDR question.

    I was hoping to get everyone opinion. I recently started to talk to this girl, itís been over 2 months now, and we have gotten extremely close, we have our late-night calls, texting throughout the day we have even began to talk about the future. Only issue is she lives about 4hrs away. We have talked about long distance relationship, until we can get things in place and then go from there.

    How can a relationship last in a long distance one? Is it possible, any tips? We havenít officially met yet. We do have plans next month to make a two-day thing, but we constantly video chat, phone chat, etc. This is my first time having this type of relationship. Can long distance last for the time being? Iím really starting to like this girl, a lot.

  2. #2
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    Hey,

    I did the online long distance relationship and mine ended. The problem is, is you donít know if you two have chemistry in person. I remember investing a year into talking to the guy only to meet and chemistry was one sided, me more then him.

    Another thing you have built up a fantasy of this girl because you havenít actually spent time with her. You havenít seen her bad days in person, a lot different then Skype and texts.

    I just know from experience that while you can share same interests and develop feelings online, at the end it all comes down too being behind a computer screen. When you two do meet I think because of the distance every time you meet up will be a false honeymoon stage because it will be more like vacation each time.

    Iím sorry to be so brutally honest, just Iíve been there and thought you should know.

  3. #3
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    On 11/1/18 you wrote about "just" getting out of a bad relationship.

    How long were you broken up with your ex before you started communicating with this online girl?

  4. #4
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    Long-distance can work for some people, but first and foremost - wait until you have the chance to spend time together in person before you even consider trying.

    You don't know right now how or if you will get along offline. You don't know what the chemistry will be like. It takes times to asses those things, and it can't be done online.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Limichaelle gave you some good advice. You dont know a person until you've met them and spent a lot of time with them. The odds dont tend to be in favour for LDRs.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You can't date at a normal pace, as in an optimum first meeting should be brief. You have two days planned. Too much too soon. And I did local OLD for several years. With each, for a few weeks we texted and e-mailed which progressed to one or two phone calls. I liked their photos and personality during the communication. 9 out of 10 times when the meeting happened, one or both of us didn't feel the chemistry. In a few other cases, we had chemistry but after one or more dates, I realized our dating styles/goals were in opposition.

    You are investing a lot of time on the unknown, and if you did actually work out int he long run, one of you would have to uproot from your existing life, which presents a lot of stress on the relationship. Four hours isn't the other side of the country, but it's still a long way to travel to regularly get together with friends and family.

    I don't get why some people choose a more difficult way of dating when daily life is already often stressful. When I did OLD, I limited myself to dating people who lived less than a 45 minute drive from me. I wanted a regular companion, not a pen pal. I'm sure you're so smitten you'll go the more expensive and difficult route. If it doesn't work out, try local dating for a better risk of your heart.

  8. #7
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Until you meet and spend time together - you don't know ANYTHING about whether you can be anything or not. So don't make plans or jump to conclusions UNTIL you meet a few times!
    It takes a LOT longer to develop somethign long distance because you are not spending time together in person (spending time on video chat or chat or email or text doesn't count in the end.... It's what happens IN PERSON that always counts).

    OLD's are not for everybody and VERY difficult. You can't be together when you want. You don't see each other's body language most of the time and most people just can't communicate that well or undrstand another person that well unless they are spending time in person.
    You have to TRUST each other and have more faith in each other than normal because yo don't know, can't see, the other person very often. "Why hasn't she said anything to me for 3 days?" is a lot tougher in OLD than it is in person.

    Spend some time together first. A few visits. THEN worry about all your questions after that. You will probably have the answers to most of your questions by then.


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