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Thread: Shes home for holiday break... still confused about situation

  1. #1
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    Shes home for holiday break... still confused about situation

    Another post about the same girl I have been posting about...

    Cliff notes:
    -she is 26 and a PhD student. Im 24 female in the industry

    -went on 3 dates with her over a span of a month.

    -very minimal text conversation in between dates. I am always the one to initiate text conversations and ask her out on dates. One week she texted saying that we should do something the next week since when I asked her to do something the weekend before, she was sick. She never texted the next week so by Thursday I texted inviting her to dinner and a comedy show. She apologized and said things were crazy at work

    -on that 3rd date (dinner and comedy), she did her hair and dressed up nice. Invited me in when I picked her up and I met her one roommate. Invited me in after the date again, we slept together that night. Went home after because I have a dog. I texted her two days later about the snow we were having

    -I have paid for every date although she has always paid for drinks at every date

    So our last communication was this past Monday and she is now on holiday break. I dont see her reaching out to me at all during this time and I dont think I should again. I really think at this point, she needs to reach out to me to see me again when she gets back in January but Im really not sure she will.

    I feel like she likes me though because she got dressed up for our dates and she even mentioned on the 3rd date that she did her hair and whatnot. She also initiated our first kiss on that date.

    A slight part of me thinks she is just using me since I have been paying for all our meals but I dont know because she always pays for drinks afterwards. Also it seems like a lot of energy to put into going on a 3rd date with someone just to use them.

    Anyway, assuming she wont reach out to me while shes home, itll be about 3 weeks before she gets back into town and Im not even sure she would reach out then. I really thought our dynamic would change after getting more intimate but it doesnt seem like it has at all since we still rarely communicate with each other.

    I feel she is a bit of a workaholic though and extremely focused but at the same time, I dont want to be asking to see her every time. I need some initiation from her now... I dont plan on reaching out at all again. Would this be the right move?
    Last edited by jackie103; 12-16-2018 at 07:16 AM.

  2. #2
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    I don't think she's terribly interested, OP.

    I wouldn't reach out again either, and I would keep your options open.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I don't think she's terribly interested, OP.

    I wouldn't reach out again either, and I would keep your options open.
    Yeah, I would say the same sorry. Just sounds to me like she was happy "to go with the flow" just to keep her options open and maybe have sex because she wanted sex but she doesn't actually sound all that keen. If someone was interested they would show more enthusiasm and you wouldn't be the only one reaching out to them.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It appears to be going well. However the lack of communication between dates and the lack of initiation still bother you, so it's the same dance over and over. You are not "being used", it's just that you want her to change and be someone else and unfortunately even though it appears to be progressing, you still have your doubts and still are trying to do the "wait for them to initiate" game but then cave and it's back to the same dance. It most likely will make no difference if you contact her first or wait for her to contact you first.
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    She also initiated our first kiss on that date. she always pays for drinks afterwards. Invited me in after the date again, we slept together that night.

    I really thought our dynamic would change after getting more intimate but it doesnt seem like it has at all since we still rarely communicate with each other.
    I need some initiation from her now... I dont plan on reaching out at all again.

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  6. #5
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    I completely agree with TinyDance and Miss Canuck. And I'll throw in my old married lady comment (10 years now not sure if that qualifies). Relationships are challenging enough -meaning not in a bad way -meaning always being ready to put in that extra caring, work on communication even harder, practice humility before expressing criticism, etc - that if you also are concerned about whether the other person is into you enough or is "using" you it's a non-starter. You need to have that secure, easy peaceful feeling that the other person's level of interest is basically similar to yours. Obviously it's not set in stone -there are ebbs and flows but basically, -deep down -you know this person is into you, you don't question it other than for fleeting moments at unusual times, if that. Sure there is some insecurity in the beginning but this is too much and is a nonstarter. She is interested in the way Tinydance and Miss Canuck described. That would be enough if you wanted the exact same thing and felt the same way. But you don't. You want more. She doesn't seem to. I'd move on.

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    I think I of knew this deep down all along. Sucks but I wont be reaching out again.

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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I think I of knew this deep down all along. Sucks but I wont be reaching out again.
    Well, I think we can often have a "gut feeling" and usually it's right. So if you feel "iffy" about this girl then that's obviously for a reason. I mean, sure, in the early stages people don't contact each other super often but if you're literally the only person initiating contact and dates, then I'd say the other person is not that interested.

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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well, I think we can often have a "gut feeling" and usually it's right. So if you feel "iffy" about this girl then that's obviously for a reason. I mean, sure, in the early stages people don't contact each other super often but if you're literally the only person initiating contact and dates, then I'd say the other person is not that interested.
    Agreed. She reached out a couple of times before our third date but it was all for logistics. First was asking if I had looked at the weather forecast since there were a lot of rumors of bad weather. Then the day of the date asking when she should be ready by but those are all insignificant to me.

    When we are together, shes always laughing and she tries to keep the conversation going if theres a lull but its when we are apart that I get the sense shes not really interested.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you a big texter? Because many people hate it for random chitchat or worse conversations, except for practical communication such as this. But then again there are many people who discount in-person interactions and base the happiness/viability of the situation on texting quantity and who texts first. It all depends if you like her enough...or not to continue, given the discrepancy in communication styles.
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    She reached out a couple of times before our third date but it was all for logistics. Then the day of the date asking when she should be ready by but those are all insignificant to me. When we are together, shes always laughing and she tries to keep the conversation going if theres a lull but its when we are apart that I get the sense shes not really interested.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you a big texter? Because many people hate it for random chitchat or worse conversations, except for practical communication such as this. But then again there are many people who discount in-person interactions and base the happiness/viability of the situation on texting quantity and who texts first. It all depends if you like her enough...or not to continue, given the discrepancy in communication styles.
    I am fine with not a lot of texting in between but I dont think Im wanting too much for a check in once in a while, like sending me something funny or bringing up something we had talked about previously just as a quick little thing.

    She also never brings up seeing me again in person... I saw her last Saturday and she left town Thursday so I thought shed maybe try to schedule to see me before she left.

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