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Thread: Sheís home for holiday break... still confused about situation

  1. #11
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    Skimming your past threads about her, I really do think it's best that you concede she's just not into this the way you are.

    Dating, especially in the beginning, shouldn't be such a hassle. When two people are keen on each other, there's generallly a lot more natural flow in communication and interest is felt by both parties. This is too one-sided with you putting in the majority of the effort.

    She goes along with it sometimes, but she isn't excited to take it further. That's you signal to exit stage left.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Skimming your past threads about her, I really do think it's best that you concede she's just not into this the way you are.

    Dating, especially in the beginning, shouldn't be such a hassle. When two people are keen on each other, there's generallly a lot more natural flow in communication and interest is felt by both parties. This is too one-sided with you putting in the majority of the effort.

    She goes along with it sometimes, but she isn't excited to take it further. That's you signal to exit stage left.
    I agree with you, I donít think dating should be this difficult. I donít think Iím being irrational or clingy for wanting more initiation from her.

    She may actually be busy because I know she has a conference first week of January where she is in a competition for a presentation. I remember telling her that she should try to relax and not work too hard during her break and she responded by saying ďno I canít do thatĒ. She is definitely a workaholic. But I donít want to go down the road of making excuses for peoples actions.

    I wonít be reaching out anymore. If sheís truly interested, Iíll hear from her.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I agree with you, I donít think dating should be this difficult. I donít think Iím being irrational or clingy for wanting more initiation from her.
    I don't think so either. I just believe you've been pursuing someone who's not that into you. When there's no initiative at all from the other person, it's usually got a lot less to do with being busy and lot more to do with not really feeling and thus not wanting to initiate.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I agree with you, I donít think dating should be this difficult. I donít think Iím being irrational or clingy for wanting more initiation from her.

    She may actually be busy because I know she has a conference first week of January where she is in a competition for a presentation. I remember telling her that she should try to relax and not work too hard during her break and she responded by saying ďno I canít do thatĒ. She is definitely a workaholic. But I donít want to go down the road of making excuses for peoples actions.

    I wonít be reaching out anymore. If sheís truly interested, Iíll hear from her.
    That doesn't make her a workaholic but it makes you in that comment kind of prying/mommy like. Did she ask for your advice on what she should do? She can't relax at that time because she is in a competition for a presentation. One chance, right? So she has to do her best and perhaps she's passionate about it and it energizes her and she knows she "can't" slow down if she wants to put her best foot forward. Good for her for being so ambitious! Obviously if she said "I really want to, i hate my job but I can't relax- it's almost an obsession!" then she'd be sharing a potential issue she has with work-life balance.
    For example- once in awhile my mother -she is my mother after all -will advise me to "slow down" because I'm pretty rigid about my exercise schedule even when everything else is so hectic, even if I'm feeling under the weather. She's my mother. She's allowed to annoy me that way. You've known this person a really short time. I would avoid the unsolicited advice especially about her professional life and goals.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    That doesn't make her a workaholic but it makes you in that comment kind of prying/mommy like. Did she ask for your advice on what she should do? She can't relax at that time because she is in a competition for a presentation. One chance, right? So she has to do her best and perhaps she's passionate about it and it energizes her and she knows she "can't" slow down if she wants to put her best foot forward. Good for her for being so ambitious! Obviously if she said "I really want to, i hate my job but I can't relax- it's almost an obsession!" then she'd be sharing a potential issue she has with work-life balance.
    I have to agree with this, too. I have a couple of well-meaning friends who make comments like that and I find it irritating. I am a grown woman and don't appreicate when someone tells me what I "need", particularly if I don't know them well and/or they have no clue what they are talking about.

    OP, I'm sure you said it with good intentions, but it's something to keep in mind for the future.

  7. #16
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    Yes I will definitely keep that in mind for the future, just wanted her to enjoy her break and not feel too stressed but I get that sheís passionate about her work

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    Yes I will definitely keep that in mind for the future, just wanted her to enjoy her break and not feel too stressed but I get that sheís passionate about her work
    If you want her to enjoy your break and that is your focus (as opposed to giving her advice to avoid being a workaholic) then you say "good luck with your project and I hope you enjoy your break!"

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    If you want her to enjoy your break and that is your focus (as opposed to giving her advice to avoid being a workaholic) then you say "good luck with your project and I hope you enjoy your break!"
    I think right now Iím just going to hang out the next couple of weeks and wait for her to contact me when she gets back. If not, Iíll have my answer for sure.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I think right now Iím just going to hang out the next couple of weeks and wait for her to contact me when she gets back. If not, Iíll have my answer for sure.
    Yes, i agree except don't "wait". Right now you do not have a next date planned so right now there is no next date. That could change next week or next year or never. So right now it's over. Nothing to "wait" for. Get out of the mindset of "waiting" as that means you're giving her space in your head. Which will impede you from being open to meeting others -open enough. You already have your answer because you don't have another date planned.

  11. #20
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    It's smart of you to pull back and let her show you whether her interest perks up after her high stress time is behind her.

    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I remember telling her that she should try to relax and not work too hard during her break and she responded by saying ďno I canít do thatĒ.
    Two words I try to avoid using together are "you" and "should." It's called 'shoulding' on someone, and it's often taken that way.

    Head high.

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