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Thread: Confused. Was I rude?

  1. #1
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Confused. Was I rude?

    This is about someone I met online a week ago. We met on a dating site, both new to online dating. We talked every day for a week and yesterday he asked for my phone number and I gave it to him but since I would be going out he said he'd call me the next morning.

    So, I did go out and, unfortunately, as it turned out, I went online when I came back home. He was online, too, we talked for a while and he asked about my evening. I told him I had gone to a restaurant with friends and I asked about his evening, too.

    He said he had taken his dog for a walk. I said that's great and he said not really. I asked why, he said 'it's not nice to walk alone on empty streets''. So, I asked him if he has any friends. He said he must be a very bad person because he doesn't have any friends but it's late, I'll call you in the morning and we'll talk. I said I doubt he's a bad person but, yes, let's talk in the morning. We said our goodnights and that was that.

    He didn't call the next morning and when I went to the site, I found out he had left me a message saying that our conversation had ''annoyed him enough'' and there was no point in talking any more. I asked for clarification but he said ''you're a grown woman, think about it''.

    I have thought about it and the thing that seemed to annoy him was the friends question. Do you think it was rude? It really didn't feel rude during the conversation.

    I'm just very confused!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Although you insinuated he "has no friends", it sounds like you dodged a bullet given his nasty cryptic response. This is a delete and block situation. Next time skip all the "how was your day" chitchat and keep messages for arranging to meet asap.
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    he said 'it's not nice to walk alone on empty streets''. So, I asked him if he has any friends. he had left me a message saying that our conversation had ''annoyed him enough'' and there was no point in talking any more. I asked for clarification but he said ''you're a grown woman, think about it''.

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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    He said he had taken his dog for a walk. I said that's great and he said not really. I asked why, he said 'it's not nice to walk alone on empty streets''. So, I asked him if he has any friends. He said he must be a very bad person because he doesn't have any friends but it's late, I'll call you in the morning and we'll talk. I said I doubt he's a bad person but, yes, let's talk in the morning. We said our goodnights and that was that.

    He didn't call the next morning and when I went to the site, I found out he had left me a message saying that our conversation had ''annoyed him enough'' and there was no point in talking any more. I asked for clarification but he said ''you're a grown woman, think about it''.
    You were not the rude one in this equation, OP.

    This guy doesn't have all his crackers stacked. I don't know what sort of mature and healthy adult openly and bitterly admits to a stranger that he has no friends and laments he must be a bad person.

    Don't stress it. You dodged a bullet.

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    Well, seeing as you're new to online dating, I will say that you should get yourself prepared because there are a lot of "weird" people on online dating. And I'm afraid that this guy was one of them. You were just trying to be friendly and make conversation by asking about the dog and the guy got very full-on and self-pitiful. I do think that the question "Do you have any friends?" does sort of sound like maybe you're insinuating they don't have any, but you didn't mean it that way and the guy obviously just has a lot of issues, so he took them out on you.

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  6. #5
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    I agree with all the others -move on- been there and I can relate!!

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    I do think that asking him if he had any friends is odd and, depending on the tone, could be considered rude.

    He talked about not liking walking his dog alone on a street, which is simply a fact. People have to walk their dogs every day, and 99% of the people in my neighborhood are walking them alone.

    For you to jump to a question insinuating that he has no friends was probably insulting and hurtful. Plus, the tone matters. And the question itself asks for a defensive response. Of course I have friends, you **%*^%.

    It's just such a large leap: this guy, who is probably middle-aged, simply stated a fact about empty streets and walking alone, and you jumped to an insinuation about his entire life, assuming that for all the decades he's been alive, that he has no friends. That's hurtful.

    Asking someone if they have any friends is assuming that they don't, and that's a rough assumption. I'd be offended by that.

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    Honestly, I would have said the same as you... He brought up being alone, it's not unreasonable to ask about friends. Depends exactly how you said it I suppose.
    But anyway, it's been a week so you don't really know each other so don't think about it too much.

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    I think he mentioned the "alone on empty streets" from a safety standpoint.

    He didn't simply say that he hates being "alone". He added the "empty streets".

    Plus, he could have meant being "alone" rather than in a meaningful relationship.

    I mean, who calls their friends every time they need to walk their dog?

    The question should have been "Why?" rather than an assumption that he has no friends.

  10. #9
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    It depends on how you said it, or asked it.

    If you said "don't you have any friends"? that does sound a bit rude, it assumes he has no friends, and suggests something is wrong with him for not having friends.

    And if he doesn't have have any friends, he's probably very sensitive about it.

    But even if he does, the assumption alone is a bit offputting, imo.

    I'm imagining a man I just started chatting with asking me that question, I would immediately feel on the defensive, but then again I am very sensitive.

    But it would put me off I think.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 12-16-2018 at 10:04 AM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    From his negative statements, he sounds like a pessimistic person who is defensive about things. No wonder he has no friends. Don't give any more thoughts to some online flea you only invested mere days chatting with. I know how frustrating OLD is because I did it for several years. If you haven't tried meet up.com, use that as another tool that's a bit less stressful. I only found out about, and attended a few meetups shortly before meeting my husband on OLD.Good luck and happy holidays.

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