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Thread: Frustrated paying for partners expenses.

  1. #1

    Frustrated paying for partners expenses.

    This is my first time posting in an advice forum so please be kind :) I just am in a bit of a pickle lately and honestly I don't really want the advice of friends or family as I find it bias.

    I've been with my SO for 6 years. We have one 1 year old and a baby due in the new year. I will say he is a pretty good father. He spends a lot of time with our 1 year old, prepares him food, cooks for both of us, does a fair share of chores around the home etc. So that I appreciate.

    For about two months he has been out of work. It is really his own fault as he left a job to take on a new career hastily and decided a few weeks later said job wasn't for him. He is job hunting every day but I guess because of the time of year he hasn't had many leads yet.

    Also we are living with his mother temporarily while we are house hunting and don't pay a lot to live here so we don't have those expenses. However I have been left to pay all of our sons needs, all groceries in the house which is pricey, Christmas is here and of course I am in charge of buying all gifts for his side and mine. And the real issue at hand being he is always needing to lend money for other things.

    I don't mind but he has a habit of smoking weed (it's legal where we are) usually Atleast twice a day. Hes been like this since I met him and I'm used to it but now he is always taking money to go buy it. I'm just getting a bit annoyed as I feel it's not nessacary. Even today he took 30 dollars and didn't even tell me to go buy and I swear he just bought some a few days ago. It's very frustrating because I am incredibly stingy with my own money usually. I also will let him take my card at times to pick up some groceries and he won't budget at all and just grab whatever whereas I am sooo unlike that and want only what's cheap or on sale. So it is def irkibf me.

    anddddd he got in petty legal troubles over a year ago and had fees he owed the court to resolve the issue. He was not saving up to pay it apparently bc now its gotten to the point he needs to pay or more fines will be tact on and then it will be more of a headache. So I have to pay 2 thousand dollars for that as well..

    At the end of the day I know he is my partner in life, we are a family and I have to support him maybe I an just greedy but I am getting annoyed and feel like I should draw a line. Opinions? I am giving him the 2k because obviously it will be worst if I don't and I'm not cruel however it's just getting old always paying for his and not having financial help.

    That being said I know once he has a job he will repay me and evantually he will be the main source of income as I'm going to be home with our children. So I try to remind myself of that because before this happened he always paid for things for our son and us.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    Have you discussed all of this with him? He made a bad decision to leave a job to try something on his own that didnt work out for him, so now he's got no money of his own. He should take any job he can get so that he's being useful and making money to help the family. Wasting money on weed is so stupid. That money would go a long way towards Christmas and things the child needs and to help his mother out since you live in her house. He really needs to man up and get his act together. The longer he's out of work the harder it will be for him to get back into the rhythm of a job.

    I think you should take the 2 grand and pay that fine rather than giving it to him so that he doesnt blow it on weed or other useless things.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Under review...

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