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Thread: I feel terrible today.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    1

    I feel terrible today.

    And I need someone to tell me everything is going to be alright. I know I cant tell myself that, but I would like to see personal stories about people rebuilting their lives, solving low self esteem problems, learning to have healthy relationships... and I really could use some tips :(

    I feel very lonely. Here, in the town I live, its summer but it rains every week. I hate this time of the year, and i am starting to the a pattern here, i believe the weather is making me depressed. plus, i dropped my medication (it wasnt working for me), and my next appointment with the doctor is scheduled for january.
    My friends are not asking me out lately. Its been almost two months since we dont see each other. This makes me feel like they dont really like me. We are not interacting online either, plus i dont have any social media, only whatsapp (now i wonder, does this make me a boring person?)
    My main sorrow today is that I feel a complete failure. I am inteligent and I can get any job done, but I cant seem to make friendships. And can't keep the ones I have. I feel like Im a waste of life, and that I make people uncomfortable. When I get low like this, I usually get more shy, more introverted, my voice aquires a lower volume, and i feel like I dont want to say anything to anyone because Im stupid, boring, etc... All those self loathing feels. Plus, i feel like if I open up to my remain friends (that, by the way, are almost never present because they have their own lives and new friends, significant others, jobs etc) I will only be a burden and eventually they are gonna walk away and leave me all by mylsef.
    I know I should worry if people walk away. And that sometimes its for the best... but its hard for me to keep this optimistic view of my social life because I feel I cant make new friends. And even when I try, I dont feel like myself. Or a feel bad about myself.

    I know, also, that I have some deep routed low self esteem issues. I am trying my best to work on them on therapy. But can someone tell me that life isnt this bad??? That I am loved? That things will be alright in a month or so? In a year or so? Sorry. I guess I am really needing a hug now haha

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
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    183
    I'm sorry that you are feeling badly. Here is a virtual hug :::hugs:::. How old are you? I notice it seems common for a lot of adults to have their friendships drop off once people get married, start working full-time, etc. Coordinating schedules takes a lot more effort and if someone isn't in your face with social media, it can be more difficult to get together (or even remember who you haven't seen in a while!). Not having a social media account does not automatically make you boring, so don't dwell on that. I think this is why MeetUps are popular because it allows adults who have a common interest to get together who are interested in making time for their hobby/others.

    In terms of the weather affecting your mood, try to get as much sunshine as you can and get your vitamin D levels checked.

    It is worth exploring why you have thoughts about making people uncomfortable or being boring/stupid, etc. Those kinds of ideas will probably suck you out of the present moment when you are around others. Do you have social anxiety? I don't think most people go around thinking that way about others, really. If anything, I think a lot of people are either self-conscious or self-absorbed and so they aren't sitting back dwelling on what they may or may not perceive to be your flaws. You can always let people talk about themselves initially in social situations if you want them to feel engaged.

    Anyway, if your friends have a full life as you describe, it's not uncommon for people to let aspects of their social life drop off. That's why I think it would be good to find a group geared toward some of your hobbies to join. That way, if you get anxious, you have the common interest to fall back on in conversation and you already know you are around people who are prioritizing that aspect of socializing.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
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    152
    Hi Camila, you are not a failure at all. You are just currently facing challenges. Well, take comfort in the fact that whenever you face a challenge you become stronger. Also, strength helps you push through.

    If you're interested in inspirational material that actually works, check out Tom Bilyeu. Why am I recommending him to you? Because when we keep doing the same thing, nothing changes. Thus, we need to do something different for things to actually change. Personally, I find listening to him to be a great starting point.

    Another hug for you!

  4. #4
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
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    389
    Well i don't know if you will see this as helping or not, but it is the truth.

    What happens to us - is a result of ourselves. The good news in that is that most results that happen to us is under our control, our influence. The bad news with that is that it means if you want change, you have to work at making the changes so that you put yourself in position to have the results you WANT to happen.

    One doesn't find a good mate - unless they put themselves out there and date and try different thigns.
    One doesn't find a good career or achieve they pay they want - unless they work to put themselves in that position and keep workign at it until happens (and have a plan!)
    One doesn't find securtiy and confidence - until they re-examine themselves and work on their inner demons and triggers to help re-shape the way they see the world, themselves, and how they approach life.

    None of this is EASY.
    But all of it is POSSIBLE.
    And all of it takes a LOT of tiem and work and persistence to grind thru it.

    I hit rock bottom and sounded EXACTLY like you probably 13 or 14 yrs ago. I probably had something akin to a nervous breakdown and was mad at the universe - why me? why is this happening to me? why can't it be easier for me like so many other people? I decided that night to commit myself to figuring out why, and committing to make every last change i could after learning why, and become a new me. i won't lie, it took time. I would say all in all 10 yrs - with the first 3 being horrifically difficult, starting to feel much better after 5 yrs, wich then exposed a whole lot of stuff i forgot about the next 5 yrs as things re-opened up for me that I had closed off for so long. And of course still adjusting here and there but its a lot easier to identify and adjust now after 10+ years.

    Are you ready for that?
    Are you willing to spend a difficult 10 yrs to get it done?

    If you said "yes' without hesitating and are being sincere - then IT WILL HAPPEN for you. And all this will change.
    But any shakiness and doubt and.. "omg.. really 10 yrs?" and you likely will slip back into your comfort zone of "doing the same as always" and remaining in this loop for a while.

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