A 5 year Journey!

My Fiancé of 5 years broke up with me yesterday for good. She was everything to me. 2 weeks ago she called me randomly and said I don’t love you anymore I’m not happy and gave her engagement ring back to me. I’m a 23 YO Male and she’s a 22 YO Female. We have known eachother since the eighth grade. I noticed in the last 2 years she has been very distant from me. Reluctantly talking to me or telling me she loves me. We both live separate in our parents house. In the last 7 months it’s gotten the worst it ever has. She would go hours and days without texting or seeing or calling me. I know she has to work and is busy. But it just hurt me. So I would get really upset and say things I didn’t mean. My whole life I’ve fought being Bi-Polar and I take medication for it. After she gave me the ring back we tried it again but as always it crashed and burned miserably ending in self destruction. She said she was with someone else and is done. I’m devestated. I’m so hurt to the point where I want to die. We have a long history together. I miss her so much and I can’t face the facts. I shredded 5 years worth of cards and pictures and destroyed a photo album of us that she gifted to me out of anger and being Severely Hurt. She’s said she hates my guts. And I keep trying to contact her and she has me blocked on everything. Her Family hates me. I’ve contemplated suicide really hard but I’m too chicken to go through with it. My soul is deystroyed I feel as if I will never heal from this. I love her so much and she hates me so much. I’m just crushed by this. She was my everything, My first true love, My first kiss, My first sexual partner, and most of all my best friend. And I don’t have my best friend and it hurts horribly. Everything reminds me of her. I try to drink to cover it up but it won’t work. It just makes it worse. I’ve done nothing but be angry and hurt ever since. This will be the first Christmas in years that I’ve been single. And I can’t help to not think of her. I won’t eat. I won’t sleep. It’s been like this all day today. Someone please pardon me and give me some advice. I don’t know how much more I can carry on with this burden on my heart.

First thing first: When somebody mentions suicide I for one take it very seriously. I'm glad you've reached out for help.

I've worked around suicide for years and attempted it numerous times since my marriage ended.

So instead of saying 'Please please don't kill yourself' (that would be selfish of me), I will put forward some reasons why you shouldn't.

It's not as easy as they make it look in the movies. For every 20 or so attempts, only 1 succeeds. A lot of survivors end up with horrific injuries that make life worse than what it is now...yes it can get worse.

No matter how much you feel nobody cares or understands, it will do irreparable damage to those who know you.

What happens if our spirit and thoughts actually do remain after we drop our physical body. Then you'll be just where you are now...except you'll be dead.

Please watch this video:

She was your first everything and now I assume this is your first experience of deep heartbreak and grief....

Please look up the Stages of Grief to get some understanding of what to expect.

You already did a lot of further damage by pushing her further away before you got here unfortunately. But I will say, pretty much everyone reacts in a similar way until you've been trained not too.

Please download the audiobook The Journey from Abandonment by Susan Anderson and start listening to it asap.

Your sleep and diet is going to be disrupted for a bit so try to do what you can. Grieving takes a toll on us both mentally and physically and your body will need rest and fuel to get through this.

Please try and get off the alcohol asap. It will only make things worse in the long run.

I'm at work but will check in with you so long as you keep posting ok?

All for now

Carus*

Just know that most of what you're feeling is normal. Of course you will be angry and depressed after a breakup with a longterm relationship. I'm assuming a psychiatrist had prescribed your medication, but if you haven't been going in for regular appointments with your doctor, please go now, as suicidal thoughts is the one thing you will want to address with him/her. Those thoughts sometimes occur when you've made another person the sole center of your universe. To prevent this in the future, make sure you keep up with hobbies/interests, guy friends, and making sure your career goals are on track.

People do a lot changing and growing from the late teens into the late twenties. What one wants early on might be the total opposite of what they want as they mature.

Some people like to sow their wild oats and have more dating experiences before one day settling down. With life experience, sometimes a person realizes that their partner doesn't meet all of their main needs, and/or possesses a dealbreaker. Whatever reason, you've been given the chance to begin a new life you haven't envisioned yet.

Let yourself mourn, as it's a necessary step to get to the healing part. But also, in the meantime, find a new hobby you can be passionate about. Do volunteer work, as you can't help but feel good when others look at you gratefully. Most people don't marry their first true love, and now you've been added to that club. Time and no further contact with your ex will eventually give you closure, and you will one day, no sooner than a year of being single if you're smart, be able to date again. Just don't do it unless you've released baggage from your past. Surround yourself with caring family and friends right now. Take care.

Sorry you are feeling this way. I also lost a former fiancé too (note: fiancée is female and fiancé is male) and felt the same way.

The first thing you need to do is to seek a therapist - especially if you are contemplating suicide. Medication alone is not enough. In addition, call the suicide hotline (Google it since I do not know which area you are from). I went through a traumatic break up and was physically abused on my way out. I was very fortunate to find an excellent psychologist who gave me the tools and resources I needed to overcome the break up, abuse, etc.

Please know that you are VERY young and haven’t lived your full life yet. One motto that I used to help me get through difficult times is this: It sure feels like sh**, but it’s too early to quit.

Most marriages under the age of 25 or involve a high school sweetheart are incredibly rare because people CHANGE after/during college. It is very common for people in their early 20’s to not figure themselves or their situation out because they barely settled on a career or a place to live (you mentioned that you both live with your parents). Then add the commitment of marriage to the mix, and you got the perfect storm. So what I am really saying here, is that the break up is not your fault and do not take it so personal.

My husband and I dated for several years because of an unstable economy. We didn’t have our education completed (we ended up going back to college to pursue another degree with a better job market), we were not settled in our career, we were working entry level jobs, and were living with family/a few roommates. It took awhile for us to be ready for marriage, and I was a month away from turning 30 when I had my wedding.

Also think of it this way: do you REALLY want to be married to someone who can’t be honest with her concerns and resorts to cheating? Imagine paying thousands on a wedding, catching her cheat, and then spend thousands more to finalize a divorce (court and lawyer fees are no joke). Financially and emotionally, you dodged a bullet.

Please, please take the time to heal and seek professional help to get you through this. Your life is so much important than throwing it away to a girl who did not respect you. You will find someone else who is better, I promise! After leaving a physically abusive relationship, I found my husband and have been with I’m for around 15 years.

Please get some therapy now, so you can work thru this, I dont thrin you can do it on your own. Call the Suicide Hotline if you think you are heading that way. Stop drinking, that'll just make you feel worse.