Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Girlfriend doesn't know if she still loves me like she once did

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    86

    Girlfriend doesn't know if she still loves me like she once did

    So I know I've been posting a lot for advice, but about two weeks ago my girlfriend and I have argued on and off for the past 2-3 weeks on the phone over small disagreements, which turn into pretty big fights where things would be said that would hurt each other's feelings. There was one point where I told her, during an argument that, "we can't even go three days without arguing on the phone." Now, keep in mind when we're together in person it's a completely different story, we don't argue. The only reason I can figure out why we argue on the phone is because we can't truly see each other's emotions, so she'll most likely take something I said the wrong way, or interpret it wrong.

    Just this weekend, she calls me and starts crying and say's she doesn't know if she still loves me the way she does, but she doesn't want to lose me. She said that because of all the arguing we did and the things that were said on the phone; she's been questioning herself. She mentioned that she was willing to work things out because she loves what we have, and doesn't want to lose that or me. Also keep in mind, that during the weeks that we argued we only saw each other once a week for maybe two weeks because she was busy with finals and work, and I was busy finishing up my internship for my nursing program, which I just completed. She said she might be feeling this way because of all the arguing and the things that were said, along with us not seeing each other so often during those weeks. The past two days we hung out and spent quality time together and had dinner and she said everything felt fine. She just needed a hug and wanted to be around me, but she did mention that she still had that feeling, but it wasn't as bad.

    Today, I stopped by her work and brought her breakfast and flowers and while we were eating I asked her if she was still feeling the same way and she said a little. She doesn't like the fact that I've been asking her how she's feeling ever since she mentioned it, so I'm definitely going to stop before I make things worse. She said that if she appear's happy don't ask, because asking only stresses her out and makes her feel anxious around me.

    Is this a good or bad thing that I'm currently dealing with right now? She's willing to make this work and wants us to be together as she's afraid of losing me because of how she is feeling. I just don't know what to do to help. I am trying my best to show that I care and be there for her and by also spending more time with her. I also know that I'm not helping by being worried about asking her how she's feeling everyday. I really love this girl a lot and I want it to work between us. We are completely fine when we're together in person. It's just the phone conversations that I completely hate that basically start the arguments.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,112
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds like you're both under stress right now with education and work. If the phone calls are a point of stress right now, tell her you should cut them out and stick to texting a few times a day: Good luck on your test. Just thinking of you and hoping you're having a good day. Let's go to dinner on Friday. (things that can't be misconstrued).

    See if improvements are made. Hope your holidays are happy.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,014
    What is it that you two argue about so much?

    You struggle a lot with insecurity in this relationship, judging by all your previous threads.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Posts
    86
    When we argue on the phone it's because of miscommunication. Either because I can't understand her because she calls me when she gets off from work and starts driving to pick up her daughter, or it's from interpreting things in her own way. There has been some insecurity from her, which has caused me to be insecure back, but I mentioned it to her and have since controlled that and haven't had an issue with being insecure. Other than that, when we see each other in person every thing is fine. We have conversations like we normally do in person, she's really affectionate towards me and grabs my arm and lays her head on my arm and she laughs. I just don't know why she's feeling this way and if it's something to be concerned about. I know all the arguments over the phone and the things that have been said maybe pushed her away, because she said she gets anxiety when she see's me.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    7,782
    Originally Posted by vmaypa
    So I know I've been posting a lot for advice, but about two weeks ago my girlfriend and I have argued on and off for the past 2-3 weeks on the phone over small disagreements, which turn into pretty big fights where things would be said that would hurt each other's feelings. There was one point where I told her, during an argument that, "we can't even go three days without arguing on the phone." Now, keep in mind when we're together in person it's a completely different story, we don't argue. The only reason I can figure out why we argue on the phone is because we can't truly see each other's emotions, so she'll most likely take something I said the wrong way, or interpret it wrong.

    Just this weekend, she calls me and starts crying and say's she doesn't know if she still loves me the way she does, but she doesn't want to lose me.
    Well, when you talk over the phone, all you're doing is talking and if there are incompatibilities or other conflicts then the result is going to be arguments.

    In person, it's different because there isn't always a lot of talking, you're simply spending time "being" together, whether it's engaging in an activity together, or simply hanging out watching a move, but there isn't always a lot of talking.

    Also be aware that friends can have an awesome time together in person, one doesn't have to be "in love" or have "feelings" in order to have a good time together, which may explain why you're able to have a good time in person, but not over the phone.

    So, all that said, my feeling is when one person tells their partner they don't know how they feel, or they're confused about their feelings, or whatever words they wish to use, it means they don't have "feelings" for you anymore which they are perfectly aware of, but don't know how to tell you, so try and soften/cushion it by telling you they're "confused."

    When I was younger (early 20s) I did this myself and it's really unfair to the other person because it's dishonest and misleading and will leave them (your partner) confused, just like how you feel now.

    She's not confused OP, she knows exactly how she feels (or doesn't feel); she's just not feeling it anymore and trying to soften the blow.

    She does appear to be quite attached to you, and feels comfortable with you (like an affectionate friend) which is NOT the same as having feelings, which is why she said she doesn't want to lose you, which I also think is quite selfish on her part, and misleading.

    I'm sorry I am sure this isn't what you were wanting to hear, but as woman, I can assure you, it's highly doubtful she's "unsure" of how she feels or "confused" - people don't get confused about their feelings, those feelings are either there or there not, and in her case, sorry they're not, otherwise she would not have said what she said, imo.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 12-14-2018 at 04:01 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    7,782
    To add^^ if my boyfriend ever told me he was "unsure" how he felt or "confused" about his feelings, that would be my cue to distance myself or end it, NOT push to spend more time with him.

    You're leading yourself right into the friendzone by doing that, you want a woman to be crazy about you, missing you, loving you, not telling you she's unsure how she feels about you!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,014
    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    So, all that said, my feeling is when one person tells their partner they don't know how they feel, or they're confused about their feelings, or whatever words they wish to use, it means they don't have "feelings" for you anymore which they are perfectly aware of, but don't know how to tell you, so try and soften/cushion it by telling you they're "confused."

    I'm sorry I am sure this isn't what you were wanting to hear, but as woman, I can assure you, it's highly doubtful she's "unsure" of how she feels or "confused" - people don't get confused about their feelings, those feelings are either there or there not, and in her case, sorry they're not, otherwise she would not have said what she said, imo.
    I tend to agree with the above. And I too once did the same with a boyfriend, back when I was young and clueless about how to manage my loss of interest in the relationship.

    She is obviously having doubts about your relationship, OP. Listen to her and take a step back. It sounds like she is annoyed that you keep asking her if everything is okay again. It's normal to panic inside when a partner tells you they don't know if they love you anymore, and I get that you are hurting and seeking reassurance. But asking her every day if things are alright is not going to help. Take a deep breath and give her some breathing room. See what the next couple weeks bring.

  9. #8
    Do not let the little things affect your emotions because it is extremely precious and very difficult to obtain

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,958
    Gender
    Female
    What hurtful things did you say to each other?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,377
    Gender
    Female
    Sounds like she's feeling suffocated. I'd back off rather than ramp up my time with her. If someone ever told me that he doubts whether he loves me, the part about not wanting to lose me would be irrelevant. I'd tell him that I adore him, and that's why I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. He can take all the time he needs to figure out how he feels. If he ever decides that he loves me, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. In the meantime, I wish him the best.

    It makes no sense to hover around someone who is on the fence. That's smothering, and it breeds contempt rather than love. Isn't that the opposite of the outcome you want?

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •