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Thread: Girlfriend doesn't know if she still loves me like she once did

  1. #11
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    Mar 2017
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    So a few weeks went by and everything was turning out better until we went on vacation for 5 days in Colorado with her 4 year old daughter. Sheís been saying I donít help out or I donít take the initiative to help. Now keep in mind sheís only said this the week we were in colorado, only because when we went grocery shopping to buy food for us at our Airbnb I didnít help to unpack the groceries after I had brought them in. I donít know why I didnít do it, as I canít remember but knowing myself I always unpack the groceries at home. She might have told me to watch her daughter while her and her friend did it or I just spaced out and didnít do it at all. She also mentioned that Iíve been socially awkward around her and her friends that Iím there physically, but not mentally, as if Iím spaced out and high. I donít see how, because when her friends were over, we were playing a drinking game and I was engaged with everyone. I wonít lie, we did smoke marijuana almost everyday so I can probably see why I was spaced out, but every little thing I did wrong in Colorado, sheís been knit picking and throwing it in my face. She even gave me an ultimatum that I have three months to ďbe the man she needsĒ and to socially be there for her or else weíre going to go out separate ways. I want to work it out, but itís irritating how she think Iím not the man in the relationship. As far as her daughter is concerned, sheís really spoiled and is a mommyís girl and the whole time in Colorado I basically babysat and carried her daughter where ever we went as the kid doesnít like to walk due to being spoiled by her mom. And when I mentioned babysat, I watched her kid as she went out to ďsmokeĒ with her friends outside. I did mention to her that I felt left out and didnít enjoy the idea of making me be the ďbabysitter,Ē and she apologized. What would you guys do in this situation? End it?

  2. #12
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    Jan 2019
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    91
    You can't control how she feels or what she does but when you argue and say hurtful things because you "just can't help yourself" or you feel the need to "hit back", realize that permanent damage is being done. You may be ok with all the bickering and name calling but clearly she is not. So if you want a better chance to make this thing work you need to immediately dial it down when there's conflict. Do you know that some people, such as myself, NEVER name call or say hurtful things to their partner? It's just so..unnecessary and hurtful. Why hurt the person you supposedly are in love with?

  3. #13
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    OP, this girl is not the one for you.

    After all the threads you've created, and all the apparent doubts she has about you, it's clear to the casual observer that this just isn't working. She is already looking for reasons to end it and has been hinting at this for some time.

    She's given you three months, but I think she's going to end it before that. Sorry, man.

  4. #14
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    I don't know... call me stupid, but we're still together by a thread. I don't know why I want to make this work so much. It's literally at the point where she said, "i don't know if this is working anymore, I just want it to end." So MissCanuck, you were right, but at the same time she keeps telling me she doesn't want it to end, and that she is willing to make this work, but she isn't happy as she used to be. She said she's happy every now and then, but not all the time. So I asked her, why she thinks this won't work anymore and she basically said she has been so stressed out with school, work, and basically has no family support that she think's she won't have time for this relationship, aside from the random arguments SHE starts over stupid little things. I told her, her priorities take precedence over me, so that I didn't care about. I mentioned to her that I'm there to help or support her if she needs it, as what a boyfriend should do right? The arguments lately have been about me "not trying hard enough." For example, yesterday I asked her if she wanted to come over after she gets off from work and she said, "sure, i'll shower with you." So an hour or two before she got off I made sure to clean the house, and I also made dinner just in case. When she got here she said that I didn't "ACT" quickly enough like I wasn't interested in getting int he shower with her or to have sex, because I didn't have the shower already running when she walked in the door........ When, as soon as I get into the house she was texting her sister who was watching her daughter and I didn't want to act as if I was insecure by asking her who she's texting, when initially she came over to shower, but she made the situation awkward by texting someone while I was waiting. Right after she finishes texting her sister, she barely steps into the bathroom and say's, "babe I have to go." She basically said, I didn't act quick enough in the "mood" and that I didn't have the shower already running when she got there..... Stupid things like this is what she argues about, that "IM NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH," when in fact I am. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong or what I can do to try and save this relationship...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'll say it again:
    It makes no sense to hover around someone who is on the fence. That's smothering, and it breeds contempt rather than love. Isn't that the opposite of the outcome you want?
    Sticking around just prompts this woman to raise more ridiculous hoops for you to jump through so she can say, "You didn't jumps fast or high enough..."

    I'd rather reach for my best dignity and tell her that the hoop jumps are over. If she ever decides that she can value you enough for who you are, she knows how to reach you. If you're still available then, you'll consider catching up.

    Respect yourself. It's the ONLY way to 'win' respect from anyone else, and without respect, the relationship is just a downward spiral into kicking-the-dead-horse territory.

  7. #16
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    Why on earth do you want to stay in this miserable situation?

    Yeah, yeah, she's wonderful and perfect most of the time. Blah blah blah.

    She has zero respect for you and shows it clearly.

    Sticking around being a doormat will make her feel MORE contempt for you, not less.

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