Need Advice, Encouragement, Long Distance relationship Complicated. Help

OK here it goes, my wife lives and is from wisconsin and I live in Fla, we are still legally married and for close to about 13 yrs. We meet on a website got married about 3-4 months after that. Recently she wanted to sign papers for a divorce which we did and waiting for final court appearance. She also has Disassociate Identity Disorder and is 47 yrs old. I am in NC for about a month now but she always contacts me first. Anyway my point is will she come back? she says she misses me, and wants to come back but for whatever reason has anxiety getting on a plane back to Fla. And I get crushed again. I really want this to work and need advice what to do, to proceed with the divorce, delay or just let her go?

You are getting divorced. It is over, accept that it is. You two live apart, go find someone in your home state

You are getting divorced. It is over, accept that it is. You two live apart, go find someone in your home state

I understand, but she always stated that I have and continue to have great qualities that she likes and would consider a 2nd chance, but for now she misses her family and friends and says she needs time for them. Is this just shallow talk to make the situation not stressful for me? I dont think there is anyone else that would treat her like I did.

13 years is a long time. She will have trouble adjusting out of that as well.....

However, exes can come back if they miss us....but they have to REALLY miss us to make that turn around.....

Otherwise they will just set breadcrumbs and do little 'check ins' when they're having a down moment....and then run off again once you've comforted them. Meanwhile you go down in flames once again....

It's a tough situation. Things will need to be sorted out for sure, but by always being available and 'there for her', this will allow her to wean off you....

She will miss you less and less as time goes by....I've seen and experienced this time and time again.....

I would start to pull away a bit to see if that will enable her to come back towards you more.....

There are no guarantees, but one thing I think we will all guarantee is that begging, pleading and trying to negotiate does NOT work.....

I would suggest watching Craig Kenneth on YouTube....

In the meantime, try to eat and sleep best you can and take care of your income. Go for walks. cry when needed. Stay off the alcohol.....It's going to be painful.

Sending You Strength

Carus*

Whether it is shallow talk or real talk does not actually matter.

What matters is whether these talks are actually productive, for you, which they are not. Not now.

Your wife, right now, wants to have it every which way. That's allowed, if selfish. She wants time for friends and family, but she wants the comfort of knowing that second chance is on the table once she's ready. But she doesn't want to put it that bluntly, because she knows it's selfish, unrealistic. So it's up to you to just focus on what is realistic, which is not this.

Let go, do you, that's that. She knows where you are.

These are very good reply's and make sense. Its been very difficult for me, She actually admitted to me she already cheated on me with the same guy a couple of times, I am taking one day at a time and going NC. Any other advice would be great thanks again. Also I guess if enough time went by a couple of yrs I could always go up to wisconsin and see her for a few days, Would'nt that respark my attraction for her to come back if I want her back? Because we were together for 13 yrs?

It may do but I wouldn't 'plan' on it.

Those types of reconciliations tend to just happen more organically.

Some would call it 'Fate'.

You will also prolong/delay your healing...and you will need to heal.

In a couple of years you may find you won't feel the same as you do now.

Carus*

 

OK here it goes, my wife lives and is from wisconsin and I live in Fla, we are still legally married and for close to about 13 yrs. We meet on a website got married about 3-4 months after that.

 

I'm unclear as to whether or not you ever actually lived together or has your marriage been long distance the entire time, 13 years?

If so, curious to how y'all handled that, how often you spent time in person, etc.

Also can you explain your thought process behind getting married after only 3-4 months after meeting on a website?

The whole situation sounds a bit bizarre but I think my questions are relevant so hope you will answer, I don't judge just need more understanding.

Why would you want to continue this? You shouldn't of gotten married in the first place.

How much time did you spend together in person before you got married?

How long have you lived in different states?

How much time did you spend together in person throughout the 13 years?

I'm a bit unclear as well. Have you ever actually lived together?

Sorry for the confusion, she moved down to fla to be with me for 13 yrs physically together intimate married. We spent everyday together, I thought she was my best friend and all, but I guess her missing her family and friends started to get ahold of her and she left. The 3-4 month was that she felt in love with me at the time, I was what she was looking for both physically and spiritually.

Yes we lived together for about 13 yrs.

She cheated on you multiple times. Why would you want that?

It was only for a short time before we got married?

She was born in wisconsin and me florida.

We lived together(married) intimate for 13 yrs, she suddenly left me to go back home though, she also has Dissocaiate identity disorder. kind of confusing personality.

I forgive her but we would have to work things out.

 

The 3-4 month was that she felt in love with me at the time, I was what she was looking for both physically and spiritually.

She was in love with you? Last I checked both people should be in love, but who the hell knows these days. Lol

I forgive her but we would have to work things out.

How long have you lived in different states?

And when did she cheat on you? When you were living together or after she left?

Is she going to move back to live with you?

I forgive her but we would have to work things out.

why is that okay for you?

Most of our lives, lived in different states, she confessed to me after she left me to go to wisconsin, she said she needed space at the time to think things over. But this guy is not healthy for her and she wants to be alone and not get into anything serious because of trying to get over our relationship.

How long have you lived in different states?

 

And when did she cheat on you? When you were living together or after she left?

 

Is she going to move back to live with you?

I meant, how long since you've married have you lived in different states?

You didn't answer any of the other questions.

Don't know if OP is being intentionally evasive, or just a poor communicator or what, but this whole situation, including him marrying her after 3-4 months because apparently she was in love with him (what about your feelings OP, were you in love with her?), her cheating and him still wanting to work it out, etc etc is really bizarre!!

Something's not quite jiving.

the real answer is very simple here - what is she doing about the divorce papers?

If she's signed them, going thru with the final courta appearance - it's over.

Most of our lives, lived in different states, she confessed to me after she left me to go to wisconsin, she said she needed space at the time to think things over. But this guy is not healthy for her and she wants to be alone and not get into anything serious because of trying to get over our relationship.

She is not healthy for you!

OK everyone, I just found out alot of info just now, well about 3 months ago, her crush said to leave me and marry him up north. Well it appears now my so called wife is not doing good up their and is possibly dating the brother of the one she liked. It freakin twisted. How could I ever trust her again? I feel so hurt, but also she might come back.