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Thread: Need Advice, Encouragement, Long Distance relationship Complicated. Help

  1. #1
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    Need Advice, Encouragement, Long Distance relationship Complicated. Help

    OK here it goes, my wife lives and is from wisconsin and I live in Fla, we are still legally married and for close to about 13 yrs. We meet on a website got married about 3-4 months after that. Recently she wanted to sign papers for a divorce which we did and waiting for final court appearance. She also has Disassociate Identity Disorder and is 47 yrs old. I am in NC for about a month now but she always contacts me first. Anyway my point is will she come back? she says she misses me, and wants to come back but for whatever reason has anxiety getting on a plane back to Fla. And I get crushed again. I really want this to work and need advice what to do, to proceed with the divorce, delay or just let her go?

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    You are getting divorced. It is over, accept that it is. You two live apart, go find someone in your home state

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    Originally Posted by No1
    You are getting divorced. It is over, accept that it is. You two live apart, go find someone in your home state
    I understand, but she always stated that I have and continue to have great qualities that she likes and would consider a 2nd chance, but for now she misses her family and friends and says she needs time for them. Is this just shallow talk to make the situation not stressful for me? I dont think there is anyone else that would treat her like I did.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    13 years is a long time. She will have trouble adjusting out of that as well.....

    However, exes can come back if they miss us....but they have to REALLY miss us to make that turn around.....

    Otherwise they will just set breadcrumbs and do little 'check ins' when they're having a down moment....and then run off again once you've comforted them. Meanwhile you go down in flames once again....

    It's a tough situation. Things will need to be sorted out for sure, but by always being available and 'there for her', this will allow her to wean off you....

    She will miss you less and less as time goes by....I've seen and experienced this time and time again.....

    I would start to pull away a bit to see if that will enable her to come back towards you more.....

    There are no guarantees, but one thing I think we will all guarantee is that begging, pleading and trying to negotiate does NOT work.....

    I would suggest watching Craig Kenneth on YouTube....

    In the meantime, try to eat and sleep best you can and take care of your income. Go for walks. cry when needed. Stay off the alcohol.....It's going to be painful.

    Sending You Strength

    Carus*

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Whether it is shallow talk or real talk does not actually matter.

    What matters is whether these talks are actually productive, for you, which they are not. Not now.

    Your wife, right now, wants to have it every which way. That's allowed, if selfish. She wants time for friends and family, but she wants the comfort of knowing that second chance is on the table once she's ready. But she doesn't want to put it that bluntly, because she knows it's selfish, unrealistic. So it's up to you to just focus on what is realistic, which is not this.

    Let go, do you, that's that. She knows where you are.

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    These are very good reply's and make sense. Its been very difficult for me, She actually admitted to me she already cheated on me with the same guy a couple of times, I am taking one day at a time and going NC. Any other advice would be great thanks again. Also I guess if enough time went by a couple of yrs I could always go up to wisconsin and see her for a few days, Would'nt that respark my attraction for her to come back if I want her back? Because we were together for 13 yrs?

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    It may do but I wouldn't 'plan' on it.

    Those types of reconciliations tend to just happen more organically.

    Some would call it 'Fate'.

    You will also prolong/delay your healing...and you will need to heal.

    In a couple of years you may find you won't feel the same as you do now.

    Carus*

  9. #8
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by corvet786c

    OK here it goes, my wife lives and is from wisconsin and I live in Fla, we are still legally married and for close to about 13 yrs. We meet on a website got married about 3-4 months after that.
    I'm unclear as to whether or not you ever actually lived together or has your marriage been long distance the entire time, 13 years?

    If so, curious to how y'all handled that, how often you spent time in person, etc.

    Also can you explain your thought process behind getting married after only 3-4 months after meeting on a website?

    The whole situation sounds a bit bizarre but I think my questions are relevant so hope you will answer, I don't judge just need more understanding.

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    Why would you want to continue this? You shouldn't of gotten married in the first place.

  11. #10
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    How much time did you spend together in person before you got married?

    How long have you lived in different states?

    How much time did you spend together in person throughout the 13 years?

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