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Thread: Girlfriend left and I feel all the guilt ...

  1. #1

    Girlfriend left and I feel all the guilt ...

    Hello enotaloners :)

    Long story short, me and my gf broke up friendly, but after we had some little fights in our last 2 months of relationship.

    The story goes like this ->

    Iím 26 and sheís 22, and weíve been together for almost 2 years. We were also living together for 1 year, so we were unseparated for the last year. I was her first serious, she was also my first, even though I had previous relationships.

    The spark was great at the beginning, even though both of us were insecure about us and I think we thought the other one is better than me. I knew she really felt for me, she enjoyed dating me and going out, even though I was displaying some lack of confidence in my abilities , from time to time.

    Thinks were pretty much great, but at some point, Iíve developed some health issues that I didnít dealt before and they really put me down. I started to complain to her and I was feeling anxious, which sometimes interfered with our good time together. Sometimes I felt that those issues would never go away so she had to encourage me to not think about them.
    She was very involved in this relationship, more than I was and she was also carrying a lot for me. She was making plans for the future, we had some holidays in and out of country, we regularly visited each otherís parents, but from time to time she complained we didnít go out as much as we should for her age.

    Because I was anxious and thinking too much about myself (selfish) , I wasnít too much into throwing parties ever week, though we got out in the city in our free days and eat, drink something, but nothing too ďwildĒ.

    I always cared a lot about her, but never really showwd her how much I do. 6 months ago, she began to be pushy about the idea of having a family, assuming more responsibilites around the house and making good money and good careers for us.

    I wasnít pleased about my job and she knew that I will search for another one. Meanwhile, she found a job in August which she liked because of young colleagues. We got into fights from time to time, because I wasnít too involved in the relationship and in my career and she thought I was neglecting her. In fact, it might be true that At some point she annoyed me very much, but never thought about leaving her for true.

    In October Iíve decided to quit my job without having a backup, and I went on searching for another. She was frustrated about this, she started to think that I donít have any plans in life, as she is person who always makes plans and thinks about the future.

    She went to a party with the colleagues and I suspected that something happened , don t ask me why. She really was very involved in the relationship and Iím sure never did anything before.

    Unfortunately, I found a conversation with her sister telling her that she drank a lil bit too much and kissed with a colleague. She told that the guy isnít something special that she doesnít think he is better than me, but she was feeling unhappy about how I treat her and the guy told her what she wanted to hear.

    After finding the conversation, I was so angry on her that Iíve decided to break up. She begged for a new chance saying it was a mistake, she cried a lot , I also cried and I realized I care about a lot her, so we kept going. Next few weeks were great, but after I felt weíre cooling down again. I started to be unsecure and somehow jealous and we had 2-3 fights when I said that we need to break up. She was crying everytime, so I gave up on the break up each time. Unfortunately , she started discuss personal issues with colleagues at work, and knowing that the other guy was falling for her, probably pushed her very much away from me.

    I could see that she started to get cold, but I never really cared until last day. It was one day when I asked her going in a holiday with my friends and I was sure that she will be happy this, but she told me that she doesnít think is good idea because weíre not so great and my friends know what she did. I tried to explain it s good oportunity to have a distraction from the situation, but she saw it differently.

    That s when I decided to put again into discussion the break up and this time she wasn t crying anymore. She said something like ď... we re actually doing itĒ. We spent last night together, even having sex and cuddling, kissing and all stuff. Then she left and from that point, I regret it every second of every day.

    We met 2 times after this to hand some things, and she was constantly asking me about how I am. I told her that i m not that good, that everything in my house reminds me of her and it hurts like hell. She told me that she still misses me, cried I lot but decided to give a chance to the other guy to stop being unhappy. UGHHHHHH. So they hooked up basically 1 week after we broke and we met like next day after this. She told me that she is not sure what attracted her to him and that she might have been wrong about him. She is not sure is she really wants this, it s not sure he is what she thought and might be regretting it so hard for not trying to give another chance to our relationship. But if she decided to take this path, she will stick to it.

    Similar to a GIG, she told me she doesnít feel that love for me anymore, that she was madly in love with me in the past but she can t feel the happiness anymore. She also got cold during the time,not when we actually broke up.

    So I decided to tell her that it s probably the last time when we ever met... but she told that doesn t see it like this and maybe we ll realize that we re meant for each other, but for now, just to move on with our lives.

    Iíve never begged her to come back, but I keep blaming myself for what happened. Iím depressed in every second of each day, and I want her back for real. I put behind my health issues which is a good thing, but I can t stop thinking of anyone else making her happy. I know she rushed things with him to move on faster and it hurts like hell for me. Even more, i know that she was telling to her best friends that I donít have plans or dreams and I know she was encouraged to leave me for real. I can t stop thinking of all bad things they may have been discussed about me and convinced her that Iím no good.

    I really want to prove her that Iím not like that and I even think that she was the right person for me, but I don t know how to do it. I can barely speak to other people and I canít feel joy in anything that Iím doing. I started to feel like Iím actually no good and she might feel the same about me.

    Right now I feel thereís no chance for turning back, so should I tell her all my feelings in order to relief the feelings of guilt ?

    If anyone is patient to read this and give an opinion..

    Thank you !
    Last edited by howtoforget; 12-14-2018 at 08:11 AM. Reason: Wrong intro

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Not much to say really. The relationship is over and she was not the one meant for you. Truth is we all make mistakes, its how we grow and evolve as people. What you are doing is carrying the cross because you feel that is your punishment. So you blame yourself 100%. Who is to say that you two wouldn't of broken up 3 months from now. Also once you read that note to her sister, that was the beginning of the end. You never truly forgave her for that and that note stayed with you and it Im sure you would use it against her a few times.
    What you want to do is try to right a wrong and you just wont be able to do that with your X. What you can do is learn from this and don't make that mistake(s) in your next relationship. That's how you make up for it.

    Its like you were caught cheating, you lost the girl and want to prove you are not a cheater. You cant do that with your X, you prove to the next girl that you are not a cheater. You will be okay, you will find someone else who is a better fit for you

  3. #3
    Well, as I said I know itís over, but is so fkin hard to accept it. She broke up with me to continue with a guy that is not better than me, as she told her sister. Also, as I said, I was her everything at some point, it wasn t a bad relationship, no bad fights, no separations, breaks, or anything else.

    I just donít want her to remain with a bad image of me, after this last period. This is why I asked if it would be alright to express all my hidden feelings to her, in order to let them go.

    It wonít make her change her mind for relationship, but she will understand that I realized is more my fault, than hers. Do you think I will make more harm to myself?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry this happened. Keep working on your self improvement plan. Consider short term therapy to unpack some stuff and get help with sorting things out. Stay no contact so you can regroup and reflect.

    Write your thoughts down, but do not send them to her. Instead post on this thread: [Register to see the link]

    Or start a journal to express and chronicle your thoughts and get support from members here: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by howtoforget
    I just donít want her to remain with a bad image of me, after this last period. This is why I asked if it would be alright to express all my hidden feelings to her, in order to let them go.


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